Saturday, March 22, 2008

Bon Voy Wegie!

So I am off for my adventure in gay Paree. I'll be back in a week with a suitcase full of french porn and wine (won't customs have a blast with that?) and hopefully some kick ass pictures, funny stories, and a completely condescending attitude towards food.

Chang'e and Wonder will be holding down the fort. They know that like all teenagers they are not supposed to have a party while I'm away, but that's because what's a party with a queen hitting a beer bong?

In the mean time, lemme just say this.

You peeps are so sweet, I could microwave you all.

When the Queen's Away

the Kids will play!

We miss the Red Queen, but we will have some fun anyway!

Virtual Pub.
Open Chat.
Let's be Kool and kick back tonight, royal subjects!


If you drink leave your keys in the Jar at the bar!

Wonder!  You.  Me.  Dancing!

Dear Senator Obama

Please stop being a whiny assed baby. Ohhhhh the former president hurt your feelings. Wah.

Seriously dude, if anybody can say that you aren't qualified enough, I think it's Bill Clinton.


Cookie Porn!

My darling friends gave me wonderful birthday party, and an even better birthday gift: cookies.

But not just any cookies, dirty dirty cookies.

Yep, those are peens and boobies. But the real fun started when we posed the cookies in naughty ways. Below is gay bukkake cookies

And my personal fave, the 2 boys and a girl menage cookies.

Can I just say, the frosted cocks were delicious.

Friday, March 21, 2008

It's stuff like this load of crap

that made me write the post about how nature likes the single moms.

Seriously, slut shaming never helped anyone be a better parent.

Important Decry for the Queen's Peeps!

Never fear, loyal subjects!  While the Queen is out traveling the Kingdom you will not perish from boredom.  In my official capacity as Comes Palatinus I will be posting in her absence to ensure the happiness of her subjects.

And while I am prone to rants of epic proportions, I will do my best to keep you amused as well.

While she is away, we wish the Queen a safe journey and a happy return! 

And if it's not too much trouble, maybe a little something for the Comes Palatinus.  :P

A quick ten minute break

bahhhh- so much to do so not enough time to do it.

I've turned to forced labor of the monkey child. He's had to scrub toilets and kitchen floors.

And while sitting here filling up my mp3 player for several long ass flights I ran across a post at Pandagon about the embarrassing crap that manages to find it's way onto our playlists.

So I am going to fess up.

Somehow, there is Avril Levine on my mp3 player. I do not know how it got there. I am scared that it might have been put there to torment me, to push me into insanity.

While I will freely admit that I like old Micheal Jackson (Don't stop till you get enough is one of the most boogeying songs ever) and through Micheal Jackson, some Justin Timberlake. And while I am mortified to no end, I like No Doubt's Bathwater.

But I don't know where Avril came from.

So kids, I shared my darkest secret. Fess up. What artist makes you blush to the roots of your hair when they show up on your playlist?

Allright Peeps

Her Royal Highness (me) has to clean my house, do my laundry, pack, hem a pair of pants, shave things, get keys made, reassure the monkey that 8 days is not that long, recover from last night's Battlestar Galactica & Grape NeHi marathon and you know, attend my own birthday party.

Needless to say- posting will be light today.

SO consider this a delurking open thread. Got something awesome you wanna blogwhore, drop it here. Are you new, did you just find us. Say hi, we're mostly friendly.

And of course- any new I Am Hillary links are most welcome. I'll put you into the We are Hillary Blogroll.

And while we are being Hillary, go check out Roxie's World (best blog written by a 13 year old dog ever). Roxie is getting honorary Hillary status for her teary- making post: Hillary: A Valediction


Thursday, March 20, 2008

Vote For Hills!

Quick, run over to CNN and vote for Hillary in their little poll. Larry King is going to read the results to Obama when he is on his show. Wouldn't it be grand to see the messiah brought down a bit by our favorite girl?

First it was Apocalypse Ponies

Now it's the Four Horseman of the Atheist Apocalypse. And for reals, I may have just found my new religion. Or non-religion. Wevs.

Via Hoyden

I can has Exceptionalism

"But I'm not a typical girl"

"But Europeans are so much more open about sex"

"I don't like western religions because of all the crap, I'm a Buddhist"

"But you're not like, one of those FOB Mexicans."

"He's so articulate"

Yeah- I call bullshit on each and every one of those lines. I have to admit, I used to be the exceptional girl. All my friends were guys, I was praised for my common sense and cause I didn't act like the other silly girls. I took pride in the fact that the guys let me hang out with them and I have been known to say "I just don't like other girls, they're so catty".

And then I grew up and started using my brain.

Over at Reclusive Leftist someone said something about how we Americans as sooooo backwards about sex and why can't we just be like Europeans. Last time I checked the continent of Europe had not eradicated rape or sexual harassment. Hell, Swiss women were only guaranteed the right to vote in the early 90's, I think. German mothers who work outside the home are called "ravenmutters" or raven mothers and are looked down on. Yeah so shut up with the Europe is better than you crap. You've just got different problems.

And Buddhism as the be all end all of egalitarian religions- nope. It is only with this Dahli Lama that being born a woman is no longer considered a punishment for sins in a past life. Oh and the poor Tibetans may have been a little reluctant to fight the Chinese because the Buddhist monks had been raking their cash in like the Catholic church. (Not that China shouldn't get the fuck out of Tibet). And then there is the problem of Buddhist nuns, who are just house cleaners for the monks. Wouldn't want to fill their brains with divine inspiration if it might interfere with the nuns makin me a sammich.

Exceptionalism peeps, is the process of patting someone on the head for acting out of "stereotype". Watch out when someone says something that sounds like "but they are different from all the others" cause they probably aren't different at all. It's just a way to keep the people (or countries or religions, etc) from fighting back against the massive system of oppression we got pinning us to the floor everyday. If you are exceptional, then you can think the oppression isn't sticking a tack through your middle like an insect specimen.

But then you're just an idiot. The rest of us can see your thumbtack.

Best. Headline. Ever!

From Jezebel:

Women Are Underrepresented In Corporate America. Corporate America Is A Laughingstock. Coincidence?

Same could be said of politics.

I am still Hillary Clinton

and every time some "news" agency brings up that stupid blue dress, I am forced to remember the awful public humiliation everyone had to suffer through so that ken Starr could get some wank material.

Lingua Franca

So I have been trying to master a few phrases in French before I leave Saturday.

I can speak Spanish, Italian, Russian, Hindu, Farsi, even some Hebrew. (not fluently, but I don't sound like a total idiot when saying "your mom sucks goat ass" in any of them)

But I cannot fricken say "I do not understand French." or "Do you speak English" without stuttering, badly. I do better if I scream it out like I have tourettes.

"Je ne comprends pas le français! Je ne comprends pas le français!"

Ouyangdan says I'm just acting the part of a loud American tourist.

Je suis américain! Je suis américain

As if the French won't be able to tell that before I ever open my mouth.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Interesting thing I learned on technorati

Lot's of conservative bloggers have given Hillary the nickname "The Red Queen".

Sweet. I'm so down with sharing it. You know why?

Cause bitchez get stuff done, and there is no bigger bitch than the Red Queen.

Unity Ponies!

Its what's for dinner.

Seriously though you peeps, what is up with all the unity speak? Why the fuckity fuck are we trying to lower our standards to attract idiots who voted for Bush. Why the fuckity fuck is "moderate" the ideal in this country.

We have had 8 years of conservative economic policy. We are heading into the Great Depression Redux. We've had our civil liberties stripped, our health and safety ignored (hello ecoli spinach, hello FDA that let's drug companies push through dangerous drugs as long as they don't interfere with the possible implantation of baby Jesus' second coming embryo. ) We've got wars going on in 2 places and the rethuglikans want to start a 3rd one.

And you want unity? Are you slow?

Peeps, we have unequivocal proof that conservative ideas are nothing but a pile of horseshit wrapped in the remnants of our constitution (which has probably been riddled with bullets by the 2nd amendment dicks). And you want to entice these people by using their ideas?

You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

The shitstorm our next leader is going to face is Katrina sized, and we ain't got no levies.

Rethuglikans will leave us stranded in the superdome.

Screw the unity ponies, I want reeducation camps for the idiots who are claiming that we are in this mess because Bush isn't a true conservative. I want the ass-licking "journalists" who make up McCain's base to be sent back to J school. And I want the Obamabots to get a fucking grip. Why the hell would you invite people to your party who are just going to shit in your punchbowl?

Besides, I prefer my ponies apocalypse style, thankyouverymuch.

Florida And Michigan Must Be Counted.

If the Democratic Party leadership does not find a way to seat the delegates from Michigan and Florida, either by holding a re-vote (which I think is needed in Michigan, as all the candidate's names were not on the ballot), or finding some way to count the votes that were cast in the Primaries, McCain will win by default.

John McCain will become the next President.

Not because the nominee will be un-electable.

Not because legions of disgruntled Obama or Clinton supporters will cross party lines to vote for McCain.

Because the election will be stolen.
As it was in 2000, and in 2004.

And a party that has selected its nominee on the backs of the blatant, public disenfranchisement of millions of voters will have no moral authority to stand up to sneaky tactics like "malfunctioning" machines, misleading poll information, confusing ballots, hackers, misdirection, ID challenges, and caging lists. Much less a U.S. Supreme Court that leans even farther to the right than the one that handed George W. Bush the election he lost.

And I know, I know, there are "rules" that were broken. But here's the thing. Those rules were broken by politicians playing games.

Not by the voters.

We didn't all get together one day and decide we didn't want our votes to count.

So the next time you hear someone say, or are tempted to say yourself, "They broke the rules," I want you to try something. I want you to replace that phrase with one of these ones:

What were you doing on the street at that hour?
He 'matched the description' of the suspect.
If you don't want 'attention' don't dress like that.
Their parents are here illegally.
They're 'pushing their lifestyle' on the public.
She was 'leading him on'.
He's a 'problem child' who can't learn.

Because you're basically making the same argument.

The Return of Ruby Blogging

I know you peeps have been anxiously waiting for another installment of imaginary pet blogging. Ruby isn't feeling the muse lately and we have put off compiling her autobiography until it returns. Instead, she has told me that it is ok to give you 10 fun facts about Ruby that you prolly don't know:

1) Ruby's great great grandmother is the inspiration for the Decemberists' song My Mother was a Chinese Trapeze Artist. Sung Fei made her living in pre-war Paris putting on shows with a troupe of acrobats. She later became part of the French resistance who used her to smuggle bombs because of her ability to juggle cumbersome objects in high places.

2) Ruby is deathly allergic to yellow dye. Thank god I hate the color yellow, it's why she feels safe in my care.

3) Ruby's favorite food is Bulgarian feta. I don't know why.

4) Britney Spears called Ruby for help after the whole Doctor Phil debacle. Ruby knows some black magic and she put an impotence curse on the doc for blabbing her personal information. If you see his wife, Robin, looking more grumpy lately- that's why.

5) Ruby auditioned for the part of Laura Roslyn in Battlestar Gallactica. She was offered the part but couldn't take it because she had a coffee addiction relapse and had to go back to rehab.

6)The Palestinians and Israelis have agreed to peace talks if Ruby will be the facilitator. Unfortunately the only building they have agreed to hold the talks in is painted bright yellow. Once they can agree on a new meeting place, Ruby will be off to set things right.

7) Ruby has special high heels made for her by Stewart Weitzman in tiny hamster sizes.

8) George Clooney only started dating his new girlfriend after Ruby turned down a marriage proposal at his house in Lake Como, Italy. Ruby doesn't believe in marriage.

9) The treasury department is thinking of putting Ruby on $100 bills.

10) Ruby drinks vodka tonics for breakfast. She says it's to ward off malaria, but i think she might just be an alchy.

Screw it- It's my birthday

and if all I want to do is show Lily Allen videos, then that is what I am going to do. She makes me mucho happy.



Happy birthday to me, to this blog and to the Iraq War

I am still pretty sure the GW started the war on my FRICKEN BIRTHDAY just to fuck with me. Wevs, lame duck dude- I've got booze and friends and all you've got is Laura. Who I am sure is going to leave you as soon as they throw you out of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

This is also the birthday of my little blog. It started 2 years and 911 posts ago (yeah conspiracy theorists- stick that in your pipe and smoke it) . And it used to be called something else. And there used to be a bunch of lazy ass boys who posted here occasionally but have gone on to other things. And it's been through several redesigns. (All of the above is also true for me, different name, different look, different boys :)

I am so incredibly tired of the war on Musliama or Oceania, or whatever Orwellian phrase we want to call it. I am so tired of Republican politics and economics (both are based on the idea of stealing from the poor to give to the rich. )

But I am now 30 (for the 4th time). And Bush can only be president for another nine months or so. It is going to get bad for us, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Much like the lyrics of this Lily Allen song.

I have a bit of a girl crush on the lovely Lily. And yes Mr. Bush, seeing you cry makes me smile.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Wait- Hoovervilles are already here!

For those of you unfamiliar with the term Hoovervilles, give thanks to the Wiki gods.

Though these would more properly be called called Bush Towns.

Having absolutely nothing to do with feminism or elections or anything really

Aside from the fact that I desperately need a manicure- my nails look fucking awesome. Which is not normal for me. Normally half of them are broken stubs or chewed down to bloody.

So yay me!

I need some serious not thinky time today. Got anything fun and frivolous to share?

For Jovial- The Seesaw Power Structure Myth

Here's why your "But what about the menzzzzzzzzzzzz!" whine don't fly.

Imagine our current power structure is a seesaw. On one side you have those with power, on the other side you have those without power. There are fewer people with power than without, so that side is always up. And what the powerful fear most is that enough of the other people will make their way over to the other side, and tip the balance in the opposite direction.

This idea can be applied to all sorts of isms- sexism, racism, classism, ageism, ableism, etc.

In regards to sexism, on one side are men, the other women. The fear from the men is that feminists want to swing the seesaw in their favor. That they want to create a matriarchal society to replace the patriarchy. If they didn't have some idea of how crappy they treat women in this scenario, then they wouldn't be so afraid of being on the receiving end of that treatment.

The same thing is true with blacks and whites, hence fear of the angry black man.

But that is not what we want. What we want is to do away with the fulcrum, the structure that keeps the seesaw seesawing. Once that fulcrum comes down, guess what? We are all on a level playing ground. That is what we want. We want the lines between groups dissolved so that what matters is the individual, not the sex or race or whatever of the person.

Now Jovial, I know you are just chomping at the bit (crossed arms comment- puh -lease! You do know that kind of stance is a position of weakness right? It's a way to mimic aggression while protecting your heart. ) for me to say "OMG- you're right, I'm a total misandrist and I have been all wrong this whole time. Not all men are part of the patriarchy."

Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

You think that by calling out sexist behavior I am stereotyping men. Nope, society stereotypes you for me. I am just telling you that it's just as stupid for you all to fall into those stereotypes as it is for us. I am also trying to tell you that what you think is a set in stone biological difference between the sexes is a giant crock of shit. But you are so busy holding on to your man-power and crossing your arms like an angry frat boy that you can't see YOU'RE FALLING INTO THOSE STUPID STEREOTYPES.

Subprime Meltdown

For all of us non-money wonks out there, an awesome explanation of the subprime mortgage meltdown done in the best artistic style ever- Stick Figures!

The Real Problem With Rev. Wright

Well, aside from the sexism. Which is huge and completely ignored by the media.

The real problem with Wright's comments isn't that he is a racist. Calling a black man a racist against whites for being angry and hating the way he's been treated all his life is like calling a feminist a manhater. There is justifiable anger there and that is not racism.

But the problem is that Obama has been trying to walk this thin line of being palatable to angry white men while also being the hope of the black community. He has built a campaign up of how he is different, he is change, he is the modern face of American politics, post- racism, post-sexism. He makes no promises to either blacks or women (he specifically dismisses the needs of women actually). He has made it okay for liberal white men to accept him because he is not an angry black man, and he won't make liberal white men give up one smidgen of their power if they give him the presidency.

Until Wright comes along. And suddenly the messiah of change, the new face of American politics isn't such a sure bet after all for those angry white men. Suddenly, we see that Obama is just as much of a politician as the rest of them, and that he has this association with a man who would rip the power from those angry white men if he could.

To angry white men, Obama is not as trustworthy as he was a week ago. He is a politician just like the rest of them, willing to do or say whatever it takes to get power only to put his own agenda into play once his votes are counted. And what if that agenda just might include things that redistribute power in this country away from the white men?

It is that fear that the rethuglikans have been trying to play on with their Obama is a Muslim comments. Little did they know the Rev.Wright's own words would do a much better job of it than they ever could.

Personally, I would vote for a politician who just flat out said "we are going to change the power structure so that all people have access, white, black, brown, yellow, male, female, gay straight". I say screw the angry white men, there are more women than there are men in this country. And if you combine women with minorities, the angry white man becomes a small sector of the populace. The closest thing we have to that is Hillary, who has a track record of working on issues of social justice for people with no power.

I think it was in a book Rev. Wright would be familiar with where the quote "and by their deeds you shall know them "comes from. That is why experience matters. Without experience, Obama is a question mark in a time when we need concrete solutions. The more answers we get about him, the less he seems like someone who can do the hard work that will be required of the next president.

I Am Hillary Clinton

Welcome Shakers! My point with this little post was to try and start a meme where other people write about how the sexism directed at Hillary impacts them too. So if you like this post and it inspires you, drop me a link in comments. So far the other I Am Hillary Clinton posts have been brilliant.

And every time someone makes a joke about her not being able to handle the big red button because she might be emotional, it cuts me. Those kinds of jokes mean that I will also not be taken seriously because I might seem emotional.

And every time someone makes a period joke about her, it cuts me. It just makes it easier for any legitimate issues I may have to be ignored because I might be on the rag.

And every time someone picks on her for getting emotional, it means I will have to keep my emotions in check for fear of seeming weak. If I were a man, my tears would be seen as a sign of the gravity of the matter at hand.

And every time someone accuses her of cackling or screeching, it means I will have to check my own voice and my own laughter so that I don't appear too loud or obvious.

And every time someone declares that Hillary "hasn't had to work twice as hard to get respect", I have to try and forget that my brother and I both work in the same field and he makes more than 10 times what I do.

And every time someone declares that sexism is dead, I have to try and forget all the street harassment and threats of violence I put up with on a regular basis. If there is no sexism, then those men that have never met me must hate me for some other reason.

And every time someone tells me that I am a traitor for refusing to vote against my own self interest, I will forget just how much I have contributed to the Democratic party in terms of time, money and labor.

I am Hillary Clinton, and I vote.

UPDATE: I'm moving this to the top o' the blog and Check out Hillary1000
and Blulyon (who has the best photoshop skills evah!). And once Little Miss random Babble sends me a pick you can check her out too. Lets make it big people! Keep 'em coming.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Why Saint Obama, is that a tarnish on your halo?

56% of voters in a Rasmussen poll are less likely to vote for Obama because of Rev. Wright's comments.

46% of Democrats are less likely to vote for him.

Huhm, whose got the electibility issues now?

Maybe Senator, it's time for you to drop out of the race, before you tear the Democratic party apart and cause a McCain victory next. fall.

That sir, is just the very beginning of the shit storm the democratic nominee is going to have to withstand. Hillary has already proven she is up to the task, you have not.

You know who I've never had an argument about Obama's sexism with

girls. Well women really. I have yet to have a woman say to me "you're being too sensitive" "You see sexism under every rock" "Hillary isn't electable".

Wonder why that is?

Independent Media

I'm lucky enough to have satellite TV, so I get a LOT of news stations:

I get at least 3 versions of the Major News Networks: CNN, FOX, NBC

I get my news from Tampa. 
Tampa is 81.miles.away.

But I do get Free Speech TV, and LinkTV  These are both independent, viewer-supported media outlets.  i.e. supported by individual contributions, not commercial sponsors. 

The programming on these stations is alarming, angering, depressing, hopeful, and utterly fascinating.  I don't tune in nearly often enough, but every time I do, I find myself glued to the screen.  Their content is verbose, fact-dense, and I will not pretend their programming is neutral.  It is heavily anti-Bush, anti-corporate, anti-war, and gives you the facts to back it up.  If you recognize names such as Greg Palast, Amy Goodman, Nooam Chomsky, or Naomi Klein, you will find them on these channels.

They are carried on some local cable networks and you can watch some of their programming online.

Both Channels carry Democracy Now!  which you can also view on the internet.

I strongly recommend.  If you like what you see, and you have the funds available, please support them.  I wish I could send them money, but instead I'll just send you this promotion, 'cause I think they're worthwhile.

You say recession while we say depression

What does it mean when the Fed and the bankers work over the weekend to lower interest rates and to keep a major investment back from going under?

That we are up shit creek my friends, without a paddle. We are just a few Bush idiocies from Hoovervilles my friends. Hang on to your hats, it's going to be a bumpy ride into poverty for a lot of folks. Those of us who are frequent poverty fliers will say that this is the worst we've ever seen it. And there is no help on the way us, for banks yes, but for us, no.

So my little chickadees, since this is becoming the all Hillary all the time blog, do we really want a president with little experience in handling a major crisis? Who likes to use Republican economic ideas (cause yeah- they got us this far RIGHT?)

Nope, I want Hillary. And I want her to come out swinging for social programs like the second coming of Roosevelt. She already has a long history of working to improve the lives of women and children, the people hit hardest and most often with poverty. And we're all familiar with what the economy was like under the other Clinton (Your's truly was actually a member of the middle class AND could afford dental work. Shocking I know).

blog bugs

sorry about the "read more of this articles" at the end of articles that are posted entirely. I'm trying to figure out how to make that not show up on finished pieces but still show up on longer ones. My HTML skills rival that of a toddler, so it may take a good long while for me to figure it out.

Anyone with skills and recommendations, I'm all ears (well, eyes really cause I'm reading this)

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Name that meme!

We need a meme- a giant fucking meme.

Hillary supporters are on strike at Kos, Taylor Marsh has over 1000 comments on a post about Clinton supporters who won't vote for Obama, hell even my own little bit of traffic is up because I keep posting about how I am not going to vote against my own best interests by voting for a sexist in messianic clothing.

So much like the I am Spartacus meme from when Melissa McKewan and Amanda Marcotte got beaten up over being hired by the Edwards campaign, we need a meme.

We need some post that all of us who will not back Obama can put up. The blog world and the big boy dems need to see just how many of us there are.

However, my snazzy catch phrase abilities are broken at the moment (daily migraines are back- wheeeeeee, and it's hard to properly clever when drugged)

So I need suggestions. I was thinking of something like "Hill are we, Barak we're not" (Cheesy I know- I told you I am all drugged)

First person to come up with something awesome gets a big virtual cookie from me, any flavor you want.

Holy Shit Batman!

Via Slog

Hillary supporters are striking at Daily Kos because of the abuse they've been receiving

Personally, I stopped reading Kos years ago because the cockswagger was more than a little thick over there. But yeah for those willing to tough it out.