Thursday, December 08, 2011

Intuition, that nagging feeling that can't be exactly explained sometimes.

So there's this person, not a friend, kind of an acquaintance, that I have a vague icky feeling about. I can't exactly say why, it's just a vague icky feeling.

(Well maybe I could say.*)

Anyways, after 36 years on this planet, having read Gavin de Becker, and 10 years of therapy- I have learned to trust the nagging feeling. Even on little shit. And that's no small feet. The therapy was partially to learn how to not be hyper aware of everybody and all their motives for every fucking thing, a problem not uncommon in children with abusive parents. But the problem with that is that you start believing in sinister motives for stupid shit, when really that person who is currently vexing you probably was just run of the mill thoughtless or forgetful or whatever. So yes, the therapy helped me to judge when someone is just being human, and when someone is a shithead you should avoid.

So this nagging feeling, it's not Stranger Danger levels of nagging. It's more "Oh this is a person I really don't want to have to deal with often."

Because of the therapy, I am very specific about why I do or do not like things. I can tell you why sweet pickles are the food of the devil. It's not just that they taste bad (and they do- cloying gross sweet pickles) but that they fake you out. You're thinking "Oh pickles! Yay!" and then instead of salty-sour awesome your get mouth full of gross. Sweet pickles lie.

It has made more than one person mad at me for being so specific in my dislikes, btw. Apparently people are shocked that opinionated me has such clearly defined opinions on every fucking thing. Wevs, people. Get over it.

So when I encounter something new that I don't like, like a TV show or a book or a band or a person, I work really hard at figuring out the whys and hows of my dislike. Sometimes I can't explain it right away, but eventually it crystallizes. This happens a lot when watching TV shows, I'll have a vague sense of icky and then whammo! sexism or racism or some ism happens that makes it clear that I was feeling icky cause the people who made the show are assholes.

This is turning into a long, rambly post. Oops. But I haven't posted in a while and I don't have the time to do a "Fuck all y'all. I was right about Obama being a misogynist asshat- look at what he did with emergency contraception" post. (Oh look- there I just did it). Feel free to drop your thoughts about intuition and/or Obama's fuckery into comments.

*And yes, now that I've taken 5 minutes to think about it- I know exactly why this person annoys me. It's a certain kind of regressive femininity, which while I understand why it exists- I DO NOT LIKE. AT ALL.