Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Mullets and More

Sometimes when cruising the Internet you trip over something you just cannot ignore. I ran into such a site called Mullets Galore.

Okay, mullets are funny but not the most hilarious thing in the world, but buried in "Mullet Matrimony" is a surprise any bride would want. You have to work for this one by clicking on the arrows at the bottom of the images, but it is worth effort. Hint: its about much more than mullets!!

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Komodo Christmas

Scripturally speaking (from the Christian perspective), there is some significance to the birth of the messiah. The children of Israel longed for the day their savior would come, and the announcement of the birth was seen in the stars, such that kings from the east came to pay homage to the savior. Angels in heaven rejoiced and proclaimed the glory of God, bringing the news of the birth to common shephards, so that they may also rejoice. The birth of Christ was the fulfillment of prophecy, and was a demonstration of God's faithfulness.

But after the fanfare of the birth, there's not much mention of it again in the scriptures. There's no moments of reflection or reverence on Jesus' birthday; New Testament authors don't suggest creating a holiday as a way to remember the birth. For believers, Christ's arrival in this world is a rather small part of the work Christ has actually done in their lives. The death and resurrection are far more significant. The scriptures state that Christ died and rose for believers; there is no such statement about the birth.

And yes, it was a virgin birth. The birth of Christ was certainly a miracle (but what birth isn't?) Incidentally, a virgin komodo dragon gave birth recently, making worldwide news. Should we cull out a holiday for the virgin komodo?

Friday, December 22, 2006

I'm outraged!!!


I was invited to that party (okay, I wasn't), and I decided I had better things to do.

Oh yeah, by the way that's Miss Nevada in the red. She's been kindly ask not to compete in the Miss USA pageant.

Don't people release these pictures AFTER she's won the crown.

I wonder what part of the competition she was training for that night.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Wonder- I've got a mission for you

Wonder, my darling cousin, and I were having a bit of a discussion a while back about the responsibility of progressive Christians to call out the lunatic right-wing fringe on their atrocious behavior.

See, I am not a Christian so when I call them the lunatic right wing fringe then I am a heretic who will burn in hell. My opinion does not matter to them cause I'm probably out at night worshipping Satan and sacrificing babies. Wev.

But Wonder is a Christian. And a pretty damn good one at that. There haven't been enough people like her calling out the crazies. It is that side of Christianity that really needs to call people on this kind of very non-Christian activity. (Bolds mine)

But I can tell you that I get -- I don't think I'm in double digits, but it started at about 10 o'clock last night; after the press conference in the morning, I've had nine death threats since about 10 o'clock last night. I usually get about two or three a week. They're very grotesque, everything from wanting to gas all the Jews in America and send the corpses back to Israel to threatening to blow me up, threatening my house will be blown up, raping my wife, blowing up my house. We've had our tires slashed, we've had feces and beer bottles thrown at the house, we've had dead animals placed on the front door of the house.
Where might these types of threats be coming from? How about the scary evangelical wing of our own military.

I read an article a few years back (and I'm sorry I can't link to it but our library's search program seems to be screwed at the mo) about how our military is becoming more insular and separate from the population in general. In previous generations there were drafts that brought in a good cross-section of the general population. But without a draft (and mind you I am not a fan of drafting young men and women into wars they may not support) our military is increasingly made up of people who consider themselves apart and above the citizenry they are supposed to protect.

Now add to the already separatist nature of those who chooses to join the military the belief that they are also above anyone who does not share the exact same faith that they do, and the idea that serving god comes before serving country. You now have a massive deadly force of religious soldiers groomed on every front to not respect the basic principles of freedom that our country was founded on, like separation of church and state or religious freedom.

If this kind of behavior is allowed to continue in our military it will not be long before the screaming meamies on the right have a private army to create a military dictatorship here.

So Wonder, and Christians like you, the mission I charge you with is bringing your religious nuts back into line before they destroy the rest of us. You must call them on behavior (like threatening to rape someone's wife) that Christ would have found abhorable.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

In a state of delirium

I have a fever of 102.8. For those of you who don't know- anything over 101 in an adult is kinda scary cause our brains to have the expendy power that little kids brains do. So my brain cells may fry but since I got more of them than most people I figure I'm ok.

I gotta bitch about this letter in Salon, and since it's gonna either be a long ass bitch or an incoherant fever rant, I'm writing it here instead of there.

To paraphrase the original letter- 'I'm a boomer, I work with gen xers, they're cynical and I don't like them, wah fucking wah'.

Alright Boomers- get fucking over yourselves. Seriously and let's see why us Xer's might be a little tired of y'all.

Sure you got the civil rights ball rolling, but we're still fighting to get minority votes counted. Only difference is now you boomers are the ones being the political office holding pissheads.

Sure, you got us reproductive freedoms, but it's your same damn generation of justices and politicians and religious leaders that are trying to send us girls to the drycleaners for wire hangers.

Sure, because of you interracial marriages are now ok, but bring up gay marriage and even progressive boomers will tell you to drop it so we don't lose elections. Shhhhhhhhhh- we don't want too much freedom.

My generation faces lower real wages, higher debt levels, less access to education and healthcare, poor quality schools for our kids and no possible way of affording college for them (If I save 2x my annual income every year for the next 8 years I might have enough money to send the kiddo to 2 years of community college- no shit), and an environment that is quicky going to hell because of the boomer love of the SUV. We have no retirement possibilities. We're going to be taxed into extinction to support your social security and medicare. Those of us that were lucky enough to be able to afford to buy a house are already looking at massive foreclosures because the economy that most of us have to live in looks a lot less rosy for us than for you. Oh yeah- and you boomers in congress just yanked the bankruptcy rug out from underneath us (though it is good news for the new boyfriend who does bankruptcy law as part of his job- kaching).

So yeah, we're cynical and we see most of you as greedy hypocritical bastards. Stick that happy daisy in the end of your pipe and smoke it.

If anyone has something to say about punctuation or spelling errors they can smoke that too- 102.8 suckers. I'd like to see you string together something coherent at that temp.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Words may disappear...

I recently took part in a race discussion on the 'Newsweek' blog in relation to Michael Richards' blowout. Most of the comments were ignorant rants about white people not owing blacks anything and other attempts to deflect white guilt. Then there was this:

Posted By: White Man (11/28/2006 at 12:46:46 AM)

Comment: first i would like to say that there are exceptions to everything i say here. that being said. it's time for blacks to realize that NO other races like them. all other races seem to get along fine. the human races are like dogs, some are smart, some are dumb, some are weak, some are strong. blacks are similar to pit bulls, they (here in america) have been bread to be strong, not smart. people who associate/own them (pit bulls and blacks) usually end up finding they are alot more trouble than they are worth. blacks wake up, everyone is afraid to say it.. but we DON'T like you

I copied this immediately because something this racist will likely be taken down. I am going to write Newsweek to ask them to keep it posted. The world needs to know this.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Why I am not writing so much this week

Well it's Carb Fest 06 peeps- and I'm cooking for a crowd and hanging out with some of my favorite people who I only get to see very occasionally, like Ish from Sweden and Rosarita and the Naughty Professor. The four of us scandalized Grand Central Bakery this morning by talking about orgy horror stories. I heard one about a girl who lost her engagement ring and had to ask all the other girls at party to check their no no parts for it.

After a tasty dinner of Eritrean food tonight with the above mentioned trouble causers I will be making the following for your Carb Fest pleasure.

Turkey cooked in an entire bottle of wine
Mashed potatoes with roasted garlic and dill
Smokey green beans
Spinach salad with mandarins, sour cherries and raspberry vinaigrette
Whipped sweet potatoes
Cornbread stuffing with sausage
Baked wild rice pilaf
Cranberry-apricot relish
Blackberry Crumble for dessert

I think that is it. I talked to the vodka fairy and a great big bottle of Kettle One is being delivered to those of us who have been the most naughty and nice this year. So I'll be slurry drunk by dinner.

A Middle East Silver Lining

Eventually the US needs to realize that it created the Middle East situation long ago. We put Saddam in power. We packed the Shah over a democratically elected leader in '53.

Face it, our gamble to control the region for cheap oil has failed. At the moment we are begging the other players to front us more chips and they will. They want something more valuable: recognition and power on the world's stage. We need to cut our losses and figure out different strategies because the longer the we stay the more we lose.

Why do you think none of "allies" are jumping to help. Because the more we lose, the more they gain.

The world has changed under our feet. We failedour role as the world's cop (thanks to GW). Now we need to figure our next moves. Russia and China are becoming more powerful and South America is a starting to figure out they don't need us as much anymore.

Just because we are the richest country in the world doesn't mean we are the smartest. It's time to let other nations to take the stage for a while. Let's figure out our own issues like polarization, our gluttonous and poisonous consumption patterns, why our health-care is so bad compared to others, how we are going to move beyond oil, and how we will protect our own resources.

Sometimes you got to know when to fold 'em...

Monday, November 20, 2006

Is This What happens When You Supress Your Sexuality?

"If a guy simply taps me on the shoulder, I just swoon. Even when I go to the toilet, my body reacts. I'm a little bit scared of myself," one woman sufferer tells Shukan Post.

Another adds: "When I got on the train one day, I could feel blood gushing toward a certain part of my body and it felt so good I almost let out a moan. It was sheer murder when everybody got pushed into the carriage."

Yet another woman has her say.

"Even the vibration of my mobile phone is enough to set me off," she says. "My friend said there's something called Iku Iku byo (Cum Cum Disease). I guess I've got that."

What may be afflicting these women, the best-selling weekly says, is an ailment called persistent sexual arousal syndrome (PSAS).

PSAS has been described as an affliction that brings about orgasm through the slightest of jolts regardless of whether they're aroused, or even thinking about sex. What's more, orgasms experienced by PSAS sufferers are not just momentary phenomena, instead affecting women over anywhere from a few days to a week, with one reported case seeing 300 orgasms in a single day.

Remember that movie idea I had a few years ago: Women in Heat? Hmmm?

OK, I am trying not to laugh, I swear.

But the Japanese to call it Cum Cum Disease!

When is discrimination not discrimination?

If you weren't fortunate enough to miss pisshead McCain this weekend talking to Snuffalufagus, I mean Stephanopoulos, then you completely missed his I'm against discrimination except when I'm for it spiel.

MCCAIN: I just want to point out again, I believe that gay
marriage should not be legal, OK, but I don't believe that we should
discriminate against any American, because that's not the nature of
America, OK?
So what do you call it when one part of the population is not allowed to do something another part of the population can do because to allow that section of the population equal access would break some long standing tradition?

Let's see:

When certain people (blacks, women) weren't allowed to vote while white men were- we called that discrimination

When certain people weren't allowed into colleges (blacks, women) while white men were - we called that discrimination

When certain people (blacks, women) can't get a particular job or home or line of credit that they qualify for because they are not white men- we call that discrimination.

So how is it again that when certain people want to marry but aren't allowed to because they aren't what we normally expect to see in a married couple (i/e a man and a woman) it's not discrimination?

Seriously, anytime someone can show me a logical argument for why 2 people can't pledge to be responsible for each other in life because they are of the same sex- I will gladly stop calling it discrimination. But we all know there is never a logical explanation of discrimination, just selfish justifications for perpetuating it (like "I'm trying to run for preznit and I must appeal to the base by being a giant bigot.")

I know there are quite a few of you middling democrats out there who liked McCain in 2000 and maybe even in 2004- but he has shown his not-so-maverick side since 2000 and it ain't' pretty. Unless, of course, you think watching one more person take it up the ass from Georgie Boy while smiling with a mouth full of shit sandwich is a maverick move. Then there's been a whole lot of maverick made lately (uhm Lieberman I am talking to you too).

Friday, November 17, 2006

Fuck James Carville

Sorry for the expletive in the tagline, but Carville is psiing me off.

After a trend turning election by the Democrats, Carville is calling for the OUSTER of Howard Dean. His logic is that Dean did not use all of the $10 M line of credit the Dems could have used in the election and prevented them from winning even more of the 30 seats won.

To me this smacks of pure envy. Sure, you may criticize Dean; anyone has a right to. But to call for Dean's ouster is downright irresponsible. Dean's fifty state strategy not only put unlikely seats in play (we won in Indiana of all places!), but it trickled down to the state level where Dems not only hold a majority of governorships, but all also state legislatures a place from where national candidates are fostered. Please, Mr. Carville what is wrong with that?

Mr. Carville owes Mr. Dean an apology for making such a ridiculous request. Thankfully, the head of the Democratic Party has not responded, judiciously staying above the fray, in my opinion.

Mr. Carville, you may be wanting to get back in the spotlight, but until you mend your ways your work may best be done in the shadows.

This Won't Stop Stupidity

Huffington Post released an internal FoxNews memo proving that they make up news. Will that stop losers from sending envelopes full of powder to people like Keith Olberman or David Letterman. Probably not. Fox News works because there are enough assholes who believe what they believe no matter what the facts are (like the infamous teacher in New Jersey).

Of course, if politics fails they always have OJ. I wonder how long before HE becomes regular on-air talent?

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Giant Virtual Cookie Returns

I am very disappointed that my favorite dirty old man didn't guess that the last virtual cookie was for Shakira's Hips Don't Lie, but I guess that's because he doesn't watch the video with the volume turned on.

So here's an oldie. It's been stuck in my head for days and I figure the best way to get it out of my head is to inflict it on you all.

The title is in the lyrics- you just have to tell me who sings it.

When I wake up in the morning, love
And the sunlight hurts my eyes
And something without warning, love
Bears heavy on my mind

Then I look at you
And the world's alright with me
Just one look at you
And I know it's gonna be
A lovely day

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Why evangelicals bother me

This is why.

Sixteen-year-old junior Matthew LaClair says he was shocked when history teacher David Paszkiewicz, who is also a Baptist preacher in town, spent the first week lecturing students more about Heaven and Hell than the colonies and Constitution.

He said Paszkiewicz told students that if they didn't accept Jesus, "you belong in Hell."
Part of the whole Evangelical tradition is "spreading the good news" whether or not your audience wants to hear it. And if that audience happens to be a public school classroom where you are the teacher with all the power over a room full of captive students- so much the better.

These kind of Christians are the telemarketers of the religious world. They don't really give a damn about you as a person, they just want to make sure they get their quota of news spreading in so that they can get whatever heavenly door prize goes to the one whose most verbose.

This preacher/teacher went on to lie about what he was teaching in class when LaClair complained to the principal. It was only when LeClair produced recordings of the lessons that the preacher/teacher fessed up to what he had done. If what he was doing was good for the students, or if he had the actual convictions of his stated beliefs then he never would have had to lie about it. But he did lie. And in lying he not only did his beliefs a disservice, but he cast doubt on an innocent kid who just wanted his own freedom of religion respected. How mature and more importantly, how christian of him to lie in order to escape responsibility.

But you know, it's ok for the preacher/teacher to lie about the kid- the kid is a believer in something "non Christian". So ya know, the kid's going to hell anyways and lying about him ain't no big thing.

Nice, real nice.

I thought it was the season for peace on earth....

Please don't perpetuate the notion that Bill O'Reilly speaks for anyone but Bill O'Reilly.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Indiana Wetpanties says...

Obsessing over pooping rituals will kill you.

Tis the season for culture wars!

Having been dick slapped by the majority voters in the country, Bill O'Reilly is not content to lie down and die like a dead horse should. Last year he went on his idiotic rant about the "War on Christmas", this year it's the "War on Religion".

As for the imaginary War on Christmas- it's not even Thanksgiving yet and the stores are full of Christmas detritus already. Even Ikea, you know that godless, Swedish, commy store has sent out flyers advertising their Christmas baubles. The Kid brought me a list of things he wants yesterday and shoved it in my face like any demanding white male Christian child would (he was promptly put in his place by non-Christian, non-male me). Christmas is not in danger. Credit ratings, common sense, propriety and rationalism are in danger, but Christmas and the Ka-Ching sound we have all come to associate with the holiday are as firmly in place as that fruitcake your boss gave you last year that is now welded to the bottom of your cupboards.

Now to the War on Religion. I am an agnostic. Whenever this comes up in the company of religious folks, they assume agnostic means I "just haven't been taught the wonderful ways of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ" and cannot come to terms with the idea that I have chosen to avoid dogmatic beliefs based on unproven ideas consciously. See, me and my types, agnostics and atheists (though I think most atheists are just as dogmatic as the fundies) only make up about 3% of the population.

People who call themselves Christian, regardless of denomination make up about 82% of the population. Now I know we all can't be as cool as me (coolest cat in the litter box and all that) but even my vast coolness rays cannot influence the 82% of the people in this country who think the earth is only 6000 years old and that you can get knocked up by divine intervention. The truth is, rational thought is rarely as sexy as screaming dogma that lets you exclude large chunks of the population from your club.

Religion, for all the harm it has done many over the course of time, is in no danger from a culture war. Those who do not believe in the innate Christian-ness of our country may be in danger from those like O'Reilly who cannot fathom the idea that someone would rather think on their own and take responsibility for their own actions rather than give up individual thought for faith. Of course, I have to take responsibility for my own actions, fundy yahoos can blame God or the Devil, which ever one is trendy at the time.

So in honor of the holiday season I will once again change our little slogan. I still firmly believe that modesty is for people with nothing to brag about, but until New Year's I think we need something seasonally appropriate.

Happy Freakin Holidays- I'm gonna get drunk and set a manger on fire. Of course I will then have to take responsibility for my manger arson, no blaming the Devil or the Catholics for it. It's all me.

And just for fun- The Marines hate the Baby Jesus. It's true.

Monday, November 13, 2006

That's one hell of an export policy

I can't help but think that this is so much better than giving corporate welfare to McDonalds to expand globally. But I am an Indy Pop Queen, so you all know where my loyalties would lie.

Oh the irony

For the last month I have been fighting with the Seattle Housing Authority. Due to lax accounting practices they have been overcharging me for rent to the tune of almost $100 a month for the last 6 months. Last week I sent a large package to their office including proof of bad accounting and a request for a formal hearing.

Today I got a call from Seattle Housing and as soon as the guy announced who he I was I got terse and put on my "Don't fuck with me" attitude. Then he let me know he was calling to see if I was interested in a position. Shit.

The job would put me firmly back in the tax paying middle class with a fat government benefits package.

He's going to call to set up an interview early next week. There is a large part of me that would enjoy showing these people how to actually do accounting (mama was an accountant and I don't play fast and loose with the numbers). Would you all still love me if I was even more of a government shill?

Veteran's Day

I've had a bad, really bad year when it comes to people dying. Last March, I lost 2 friends in the Capitol Hill shooting massacre. Two months later my grandfather suffered from a stroke and died slowly at home. Then yesterday was Veteran's day. First thing yesterday morning I got a call that my Uncle Ed had died. He had served in Vietnam, but like most of the troops back then he wasn't there by choice.

I'm not sure of the exact year or even of the truth of the story (my family being famous for the lack of truth in family stories), but the story I have been told is that my Uncle Ed ended up a paratrooper in Vietnam after he stole a 75 cent jacket from a thrift store and got caught. The judge gave him what was a pretty common choice back then- jail or the army. Had he gone to jail he just would have been sent to Vietnam when he got out, so he skipped the jail part and went to Vietnam.

He didn't talk about the war to us kids, but I remember being 10 years old and sitting in the back seat of the car while we were getting ready to go somewhere. A car backfired and Uncle Ed lost it. This big grown man tried to climb under the steering wheel, pulling whoever was in the passenger seat with him for fear of what the backfire noise meant. "Flashback", my mom whispered while I worried. "Let your uncle be".

Most of my memories of my uncle involve a car. There were the "sailing trips" we used to take early on weekday mornings. This is where we all loaded up into a big van and went scoping out garage sales, but telling people we went "sailing" every weekend was Uncle Ed's big joke. The last time I saw my uncle I drove him to a family reunion in North Carolina. This was the first time I had dealt with him as an adult (our family is not one for regular get togethers). I had my little red Toyota Corrolla, a car not known for power or speed, loaded up with 5 people and all their luggage. Ed didn't think I could possibly have the car in the right gear because it was going too slow, uphill. He grabbed the gearshift while I was driving and dropped it into neutral. If it wasn't for my mother I would have killed him. Shortly thereafter, he decided I was going to miss the exit and jerked the steering wheel hard to the right. I was pissed and had it been anyone besides my mother's darling big brother, he would have been left walking on the roads of North Carolina with his luggage in tow. He found another ride home from the reunion, but that drive has tainted most of my relations with him since.

For the last few years, Uncle Ed has been fighting with the VA over his medical benefits. His kidneys were failing. He needed dialysis and a transplant. Like most government operations, the red tape to get assistance was meant to drive more people off than to actually help them. Uncle Ed, as you can tell by my driving story, was a guy who got what he wanted by charm and took it if he didn't think someone was going to give it to him. I heard the frustration the few times I talked to him after he got sick. He went from being Ed the invincible, someone who really annoyed me but who I respected, to being broken by a system that was ungrateful for the services he had given.

We have a whole new slew of veterans coming home from another war that no wanted but the politicians and new stories about how poorly we treat them when they come home. Uncle Ed is gone, and nothing has improved since he came back from another war where the climate was unbearable and the terms of service were abhorable and no one could see the point in what they were fighting for. I don't know if Ed meant for there to be symbolism in the date of his death or if at that point he was just to sick to care, but I know I am really tired of people dying who shouldn't.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Nancy Pelosi is Smoking Hot!

Especially for a grandmom of 66. Date of birth: March 1940.

Chart to follow.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Dear Switch-Hitters, independents, and fed-up Conservatives:

Welcome back to the party of pragmatism and reality based results. Let me be, if not the first, then one of the many to say thank you for restoring my faith in the general population. Turns out that our country has not been quite as over run with red state yahoos as I thought.

But before you get all big-headed about your role in this election, let me say one thing.


Seriously, Iraq was a quagmire in 2004. Science has been shoved under the rug since 2000. The budget has been careening out of control since the start of the Iraq war. The No Child Left Behind act was failing kids before it was enacted. The scandals being reported on now have been going on for years. We all knew the Medicare Rx plan was going to blow chunks. Where the hell have you been?

Were you too dazzled by the latest season of reality TV shows for the last 6 years to pay attention to the news? Did your education suck so badly that you couldn't understand the middle-school level of writing done in most major newspapers? Did you miss the "Don't believe the hype" lesson most of us learned as teenagers upon discovering that plucky girls in glasses don't actually win the quarterback and skinny boys with greasy hair don't get the head cheerleader in the back seat with her skirt pulled up? (Slight disclaimer- I was that cheerleader with the skinny boy- but I am the exception that proves the social rule). Did you think that voting with the frat boy party and beating up on gays and immigrants was gonna make you popular?

OK, admonishment done. I promise that as long as you all continue to act like thinking, rational human beings I will never again mention the 6 years of hell we have all been facing. We'll just say that you were "going through a phase" and put it to rest. But you do have to prove that you are going to continue to use your brain at the ballot box and not let the self-esteem challenged inner teenager punch your card.

As a reminder of some of the rational things that will hopefully come from your vote:

Science will once again trump magic fairy dust and faith healing in dealing with the environment.

Women's bodies will go back to belonging to individual women and we will, hope upon hopes, start valuing already alive children more than we value clumps of dividing cells.

Budgets will be balanced, taxes will be fair, incomes will go up. This is what Democrats do, by the way. The "tax and spend" liberal idea is so outdated that Eisenhower would cringe to hear it used.

We will stop giving swirlies to the EU and the rest of the world when it comes to international relations. I know it seemed really hilarious to you when Bush was doing it before, but you know the people that get swirlies and wedgies and are otherwise tormented are always the ones that come back 10 years later as gazillionaires who can lay off your entire division out of spite. We are starting the process by not allowing John Bolton permanent title to embarrass us on the floor of the UN. (Thank Lincoln Chaffee for that one, ousted as he is he is showing that the needs of the country are worth more than his need to stick it to the winners).

This is just the beginning of rational behavior. Again, thank you for coming to your senses or for finally being bored with Dancing with the Stars or Survivor.


The Red Queen who has been a rational blue voter since my first registration.

Frozen Moment

RQ once made an offhand comment: funny when you pause the video and you almost always get someone in a weird looking pose.

Here's one. OK, I admit, this only chuckle funny, but its worth a couple of seconds.

This is Viera, or whoever from one of those early morning shows discussing how the Republicans got their ass handed to them (sorry, still gloating).

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Breaking News

The AP is calling Virginia's Senate race for Webb.

Welcome to the ruling party fellow Dems. It's about fricken time.

A Lesson for the Left

I think the left also needs to learn some lessons regarding this election cycle; it needs to find a way to stay included. As much as applaud the Dem victory, it came at the expense of moving to the center. Don't get me wrong. I like the and understand the center, but it is not a place for new ideas and place for the voices of the disenfranchised. Without losing its personality, the left has make it clear that is not the mirror image of the far-right wing religious wackos.

One place we can start is our stand on the environment. Now that 99% of the population at least believes that global warming will have a tangible affect on all life forms, the left can point that it has held a very sensible view of climate-change since it has become an issue.

I like being a lefty, a liberal. But now it is time for the left to feel pride about itself. Too many times the mention of liberal comes with a rolling of the eyes. It's time to end that shit!

At the same time the left needs to realize that being included will involve playing politics; making deals, forging compromises and taking stands. As good as our ideas may be, they do no one any good if they are not used.

Right-wing Radioactive

I think the election will end or severely mute the influence of the evangelical wing of the Republican party. Between, Haggard, Foley and David Kuo's book, the religious right is now marginalized. I am certain that Catholics, for example, hated being lumped in with religious fanatics. It will be interesting to see how this right-wing fringe reacts; who they choose to back. Rest assured that candidates will now treat the fanatics as if they were radioactive.

I welcome this development as it may help get people who want to kill for Jesus out our lives. On the other hand, these 'nuts' aren't going away anytime soon: Haggards mega-church has 30 MILLION members, a tenth of the population. Who's going to make sure these people don't create a Christo-fascist Crusade against we infidels?

Best thing about this election cycle though is the fact that when these crazies claim morality, we can always counter with the tale of the mega-preacher (and his wife), snorting massive amounts of meth and paying $300 a pop for a gay hooker (who said he was bad in bed)!

Some more advice for the Dems

But this time the advice is from me.

The states are currently responsible for voting practices. That needs to end. Election Boards are run by partisan appointees and elected officials who have a personal stake in the outcome.

There needs to be a federal level right to vote and an office not unlike the GAO (non-partisan general Accounting Office) to administer voting policy. If you want to require ID, then it should be provided free of charge at the time of registration. If you want to limit felons from voting, it should be explained how they can be punished twice for the same crime. Who can vote, and how they vote should be universal. Voting machines should have paper receipts, one for the voter and one for a recount. Voter intimidation should be treated as a serious offence with jail time, not unlike witness intimidation and clear rules for what constitutes intimidation should be established.

There should be specific guidelines for how many machines and poll workers are at each polling place based on population size. There should not be long lines discouraging voters in poor districts because of lack of machinery.

In other words, we should make voting universal and remove as many restrictions to individuals as possible because there really is no such thing as too much democracy.

Best advice of the day

For the new Democratic majority
These next two years are a test, not a mandate. We are not giving you a car, we’re letting you borrow it for your date. If you bring it home before curfew and there aren’t any scratches or dents on it, we might let you start driving it to school daily. You are not in charge here, you work for us. Do not forget that.

Multi-culti, feministy goodness

And suddenly, the government starts to look a little bit more like the people it is supposed to represent. The biggest gain is the new Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. For the first time ever, we have a woman third in line to the presidency. This is the closest we have come to the presidency so far. Previously, Secretary of State Madeline Allbright was fourth in line, but because she was born outside the country she was not eligible to take the president's spot.

The future Madam Speaker shows us her scary side. This will come in handy during investigations into Republican wrong doing.

It's nice to see women getting ahead in the Senate too. We now have 16 Senate seats, which is not nearly the 50 we would need to be truly represented, but it keep increasing.

Amy Klobuchar, the new Democratic Senator from Minnesota

Claire McCaskill from Missouri thanked Rush Limbaugh after Limbaugh's vitriol on the Michael J. Fox ads drove stem cell supporters to donate mass cash to her campaign. Yay- a win for Dems, women, and science!

Deval Patrick, first African American Governor of Massachusetts who won after his opponent ran a really disgusting commercial to scare women out of voting for Patrick. Huhm, black man running for governor and his opponent tries to swing women voters by scaring them with the idea that Duval supports rapists.

Keith Ellison, the first ever Muslim representative elected to Minnesota's fifth district. I'm sure the right wing nutbags are declaring this a win for "islamofacists" while completely ignoring the fact that the right wing nutbags have more in common with the Taliban than with the rest of America.

Gabrielle Giffords, the new Rep from Arizona's 8th district
For more Women in the Senate, House, and Governorships check out Emily's List.

For more on African American gains in the House check out this.

If I've missed someone (and I am sure I've missed plenty) let me know in comments.

Doing the happy dance!

In honor of our sweep of the House and our soon-to-be control of the Senate (Virginia rule requires a 10 day wait for election certification and then a mandatory recount if the difference is less than one half of one percent) I give you the happiest dance ever.

It's no mistake that there is a massive Frank Herbert influence in this video either.

A vaguely scientific approach to the last 3 senate races

So I am an election geek. Here's my prediction so far:

Montana: It's a wrap for Tester. He's been over 50% all night and exit polls give him a substantial lead.

Virginia: Maybe it's optimism, but I'm giving this one to Webb. There are 6 counties that still have votes to report and Webb is trending ahead in 5 of them.

Missouri: Oh how I wish I could call this one for the Dems. This is the race that used the Michael J Fox stem cell add. But it's an absolute toss up. Of the counties left to report, McCaskill is leading in 5, talent in 4 and 7 have no results in at all.

In other news- First Female Speaker EVER! And we haven't even had the vote for 100 years yet.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Holy Shit

Vermont elected a socialist to the Sentate to replace Jim Jeffords. I love Vermont. Gimme some maple syrup!


Voter intimidation has long been a practice of conservative parties. From the beginning of this democracy there has always been a divide between those who believe that everyone should be able to vote and those that believe that only certain people are responsible enough to be allowed to vote.

In the beginning, the divide was over whether a free, white male had to be a landowner in order to vote. The idea behind this is that men who didn't own land had less of a stake in the country, but in reality it was meant to keep the poor and uneducated from voting. Fortunately, all that was required to vote was that you were a free, white male citizen with no property restrictions.

Then with the end of slavery and the establishment of blacks as citizens came the right for all men, regardless of color, to vote. That was 1870, but it wasn't until the Voting Rights act of the 60's that there was any teeth in the law to back it up. Still, the black men had the right to vote way before us girls did. At least they could get to the polling station to fight for the right.

We girls were kept in the kitchen lest the big ideas behind democracy confuse out little girly bird-brains or tarnish our pure spirits. Seriously, the arguments against women voting were that we weren't capable of rational thought, or that the dirtiness involved in politics would injure us in some way.

It wasn't until the 19 mother-fricken 20's that us American women were allowed to vote, less than 100 years ago. In Switzerland, women were only given full voting rights in 1990! (Yes, one more reason to hate the Swiss other than the stupidity of the International Red Cross, and that when I traveled there I felt like I'd been dumped into the land fascism aspires to). In Lebanon, women have to prove they have been educated in order to vote, but men don't.

But I digress..

So in the history of the world and more specifically, our country, those who think that suffrage should be universal and treat voting as something so fundamental to our continued democracy that anyone should be allowed to vote without restrictions have fought for those rights even for people with diametrically opposed political views. I told a couple of students to go vote a few minutes ago and one cheekily responded by saying he'd "go vote straight republican". I said fine as long as he votes. And I mean that.

Then there are those who treat the right to vote like it is some delicate object that would be fractured if everyone were allowed to use it. These are the people who are now requiring ID from voters where none has been required before. While this sounds like a good idea, the only people who this presents a problem for are poor and often minority folks who don't have the $35 it might take to get a state ID card. Guess who they aren't likely to be voting for?

The same people who would disallow felons who have served their time from voting. Why? Hasn't the person in question paid their debt to society with prison time? Hasn't the person in question resumed the obligation of being a contributing member of society? And once again, the people who will be kept from voting in this case are most likely poor and minority.

There is no history of the rich being subjected to voter intimidation. There is no history of the powerful being subject to voter intimidation. But today, the Bushies are crying that "Boo hoo hoo" there's not enough ballots in Republican districts or "Wah wah wah" Democrats are trying to intimidate us at the polls. All while scary men with fake badges are doing actual voter intimidation of Latino voters in Arizona and in Pennsylvania (home of the closely watched Rick "anal leakage" Santorum senate race) black voters are being shut out because of voting machine issues.

So you don't want to vote. Fine. You don't think the 2 party system is working and you don't want to contribute to it. Ok. But don't, for one minute think that I am going to respect you for your choice. Besides voting for politicians there are numerous initiatives and referendums concerning how our local government works that have nothing to do with parties in particular but have everything to do with running a functional democracy. You, Mr. Non-voter won't be voting on those issues, but your children will go to school because of the bond measures that are passed and you will drive your car on the roads that are built because other people did the responsible thing and voted.

People have been fighting for and dying for the right to vote for centuries. That you would so callously throw away something like that means that those rich white guys with all the power have one less sucker to intimidate. You are doing their job for them.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Vote or Die!

Tomorrow is election day. If you can't manage to get off your ass and go vote while our country is in a shambles you are a waste of space.

I know, it's been pouring rain to near flood levels and you have all sorts of work to do and the stupid paperless ballot machines are all rigged anyway. So why should you go vote?

You are part of this society, so it is your responsibility. If you are part of a family you have responsibilities like making sure the rent is paid or the trash is taken out. Voting is the only effective way we citizens have of taking the trash out of government. Those of you who don't vote remind me of the girl in the Shell Silverstien poem who lets the trash overtake everything out of laziness.

Look, I have to spend tomorrow morning with my feet up in stirrups getting my annual exam. Then I have the thankless task of putting together the student newsletter and to top it all off the Kiddo is grounded because he decided that being in 6th grade meant not doing homework. So I have been playing prison guard, making sure that the only thing he does is homework. No tv, no video games, no computer, no hanging out with friends, and no extra-curricualr reading. (I know- I may be the only parent on earth who has to ground their child from books). All I want to do is curl up with a big gulp sized vodka tonic and watch gay porn. But I will be slogging my way through our local monsoon to go vote.

If I am giving up booze and porn, the least you could do is get off your ass and vote. Or I will hunt you down and bludgeon you with a hanging chad. Seriously.

And since we're on the gay porn/ voting topic- here's a little video to remind you of all the trash that needs to be taken out.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

King of the Hoopties!

Dare I say more?

Mark Foley's Chart

Some of you know I am an astrologer. I know some think astrology is bunk, but I submit a partial chart of Mark Foley, a punchline of this election cycle, to reveal al little more.

I don't expect you to know too much about how to read a chart, but the highlights are interesting. Look at the three planets at the bottom of the chart. Venus, goddess of Love is surrounded is flanked on both sides by Neptune and Saturn. Neptune is the planet of illusion. It is about art, image and fantasy. On the positive side it is about universal love and selflessness. Used negatively it leads to nefariousness and confusion. Saturn on the other is the planet of discipline and reality. Venus and Saturn don't really get along well. Think of how Cinderella's stepsisters treated Cinderella and you have an image of the Venus, Saturn relationship. Both of these planets are in Scorpio, the sign that covers sexual lust. Add nebulous, confusing Neptune and you get an individual with severly mixed and conflicted feelings. BTW, all three planets are in the 3rd house of communication (text messages come to mind).

Look at the two planets just above the middle left of the chart. These are the planets Jupiter and Uranus. Jupiter is the glutton, opportunistic and expansive; too much is never enough. Uranus on the other hand is the bohemian, a bit different than the norm and proudly so. Both planets are in the 12th house of secretive behavior. You do the math.

These two are opposed by the Moon, the planet of emotion, in Capricorn, the least emotional of the signs. The Moon is also in the sixth house of organization. Oppositions show challenges from the outside. My guess, without knowing his parental history is that he was dominated by his mother in a less than loving way (can you say nitpicky). Throw in a molesting priest and you have a very confused person, especially in the area of attracting partners, dying to express himselves in big unique ways (Jupiter combined with Uranus), but who must do them secretly (12th house) and against the wishes of family image (Moon in Capricorn).

My hope is that this reveals a little more insight into the demons that plagued this man. As much as we laugh, we must realize that this is a story involving many. Perhaps now we know a little bit more about why Mark Foley acted how he did.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Why We Need White Power and Men's Groups

White Power? Coming from me? Whad up wit dat?

No, I am not advocating for the KKK or neo-Nazis. But ask yourself this question? What does it mean to be white? Do white people talk about what makes them white (other than their skin)? I think not. Which is part of the problem. White people don't talk about the things that put them in the position they are. They need to talk about their history, what they should demand of themselves. What their boundaries are. Should you be a white person like George Bush? Marilyn Monroe? Marilyn Manson? Martha Stewart? Stalin? What does it mean to be white? Who should white heroes be?

Yes, I rant about racism and how ridiculous to think it has ended. But one of the problems I see is total self-denial. That is because white people don't discuss, with anyone, what being white is about. To so many whites, race doesn't exist because they don't see themselves as white people, just as people. I think of myself that way sometimes, but don't have the luxury of self-erasing my color.

To the same extent, the same goes for men. RQ spoke in "They're made of Meat" of the how confused men are about how to treat women. Feminism as post-modern construct is a little less than forty years old. Men don't know how to treat women because in so many ways (and I am not faulting women in this) the dialog about men and women has been a negative. Plus. not every woman is a feminist and capable of fighting the good fight. After all, who is going to teach men to learn new ways and forget the old ones? For whatever reason (most of them physical), men dominated the world for centuries. Unlearning bad behavior will not disappear in a little over a generation, especially since the argument still rages (and also because the US is still the most advanced as far as feminism relative to other nations).

So, yes, like White Power, I would like to see Man Power (I know, lousy title). Man power that talks about feelings.

And just to give add perspective. Remember that Black Power was based on an image issue; Blacks had for at least a century been told that the best way to gain in society was to act white. Pick up an old copy of Ebony and you will see it littered with skin lighteners (laced with mercury) and hair straighteners (laced with lye). Obviously, the color issue has not gone away in the black community, but remember Black Power too (or what's left of it is also only barely a generation old.

OK, so we need better names than White Power and Man Power, but change must come from within.

Welcome to the panopticon!

The new boyfriend and I were having a chat about going to Canada when he was here this last weekend. Conversation went something like this:

Me: (head sunk in shame) I live just a few hours from the border and I've never been to Canada

Boy: Really, we can totaly fix that. But you know, I'm brown. I'm going to get harrased at the border.

Me: Hey, that's ok. I maybe look Italian or Spanish and my luggage gets "randomly searched" 90% of the time that I fly.

Boy: You do look generic european. It's probably cause they know you're trouble.

Me: Or it's that I insist on bringing vibrators with me on vacation.

So when I read about this artist today, my heart skipped a beat. Conceptual art that thumbs it's nose at the invasive nature of society, halleluja!
Hasan Elahi is a conceptual artist whose life is an ongoing work about surveillance. He starts by telling us a chilling story - his detention by the INS at Detroit Airport after returning from a trip from overseas. An immigration officer scanned his passport and blanched, then led Alahi through a maze under the airport to an INS detention facility. As a US citizen, this was pretty odd - he tried to talk with the guards to figure out what was going on. But it all became clearer when the man from the FBI in the dark suit came to talk with him.

For the next few months, every trip Elahi took, he’d call his FBI agent and give the routing, so he didn’t get detained along the way. He realized, after a point - why just tell the FBI - why not tell everyone?

So he hacked his cellphone into a tracking bracelet which he wears on his ankle, reporting his movements on a map - log onto his site and you can see that he’s in Camden. But he’s gone further, trying to document his life in a series of photos: the airports he passes through, the meals he eats, the bathrooms he uses. The result is a photographic record of his daily life which would be very hard to falsify. We all know photos can be digitally altered… but altering as many photos as Elahi puts online would require a whole team trying to build this alternative path through the world.
And while we're on the subject, the new boyfriend found a copy of Foucault's Discipline and Punish next to my bed. He thought it was going to be about a naughty subject, but no. It is about how a society allows itself to be placed under constant surveillance because of fear and what the consequnces are. It's about the panopticon society, where everyone is watched all the time but transgressions are only punished when the punishment will benefit the state.

Think about it. None of us are perfect 100% of the time. We litter or jaywalk. We commit tiny infractions all the time. But in a panopticon society those transgressions are captured forever to be used against us when it's convientent. Society is placed under the perpetual fear of discovery. Neighbors and family members turn into the people we fear most. They see us and all our faults. Big brother is not just an Orwellian idea or something that happened in those grey states of oppression like Stalinist Russia or Hitler's Germany.

The idea of the panopitcon, or the all-seeing prison came out of the prisoner reform movement of the late 1700's, early 1800's.

"A building circular... The prisoners in their cells, occupying the circumference—The officers in the centre. By blinds and other contrivances, the Inspectors concealed... from the observation of the prisoners: hence the sentiment of a sort of omnipresence—The whole circuit reviewable with little, or... without any, change of place. One station in the inspection part affording the most perfect view of every cell."
Jeremy Bentham
Proposal for a New and Less Expensive mode of Employing and Reforming Convicts (London, 1798)
Today we are monitored by video cameras and credit card purchases. In the very near future people will be able to google someone by photo alone (think of the implications when your prospective employer uses your photo to see which anonymous dating sites you use or what your myspace profile says). I am a fairly open person. Hell, you all know about my love of vodka, stable boys and things that go buzzzz with batteries. But my boss doesn't need to know any of that. It has no relation to my ability to work.

Actually, I'm sitting in my lab right now drinking a coke and eating chips directly under a sign that reads in large type "NO FOOD OR DRINK IN THE LAB!" There is an agreement between the students and I that I will look the other way at their food and beverage consumption in the lab right up until they spill something and ruin a keyboard and they will ignore the delicous smell of chili cheese fritos wafting from my desk. This is one of those small transgressions that happens everyday without causing harm. But under the panopticon society, when I was threatening to sue because the administration was neglecting to pay me last summer, this little transgression would have been enough for them to threaten me with. The all seeing society puts way to much power to punish in the hands of those who already have power and eliminates the power of the individual to fight back. Mr. Elahi and his total survellience art project has shown us how to turn the panopticon back on itself.

Somehow I missed a conservative troll

Damn. This is what happens when someone who is a little slow on the uptake posts a comment full of previously disproved bullshit on a post written weeks before.

Now I know I am a bit slow on the uptake for not seeing his comment earlier, but I thought I would point out his rehashed, recycled, reheated and well, boring rhetoric just to remind you all of what we are dealing with. Folks who don't read or reason.

Man, do you think that someday conservative blowhards will come up with a new line of crap to feed us, or is part of being conservative the inability to formulate new arguments based on aquired facts? Oh wait, they don't believe in science either, so they have no aquired facts.

All I have to save to our little friend is not worry, nobody wants to clone his ass.

Like I wouldn't kick ass at this

So here's a little test to see what you know about our lovely government.

I got 51 out of 54 (I'll tell you what ones I missed in comments) and I didn't google a damn thing.

I'm curious to see how you all do. Post results if you dare.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

They're made of meat!

After a week of crappy news on the girly front- I thought I would break it down for you boys so you can see the twisted circles of logic us girls have to go through when it comes to autonomy over our own bodies.

My body is not my own if...

1) I am pregnant. Suddenly I am worth less than the clump of cells in my uterus.

2) If I say no after sex has started. It's not rape, even if sex goes from being enjoyable to violent, painful and dangerous I've already said yes and can't take it back. Even if the guy decides that old fashioned sex isn't good enough and he wants to give it to me up the ass with no lube- I already said yes at the beginning and can't change my mind once the circumstances change.

3) According to some, if I am in a violent relationship I must be addicted to violence and therefore have consented to being beaten. My body is then the property of my abuser.

However, I am totally responsible for my own body if....

1) I am pregnant and not cautious enough in my behavior towards that clump of cells in my uterus.

2) I wear something provocative or go out of my house alone at night or try to be nice in turning a guy down and then I get raped. See, I was asking for it.

3) I am in a violent relationship and my abuser dies while I am defending myself. I will probably serve a longer prison sentence than he would have if he had succeeded in killing me.

But I am kept from taking adequate responsibility for my body by...

1) Increasingly limited access to birth control and emergency contraception. I strongly suggest that all you boys check out this story and then go read the rest of BB's blog.

2) Stupid media images of a man and a woman fighting where the woman is saying no until the man forcefully kisses and or gropes her and she suddenly decides that yes- she does want to fuck him after all. This doesn't actually happen in real life (trust me- if she says yes after that it's only because it's easier to submit than to keep fighting). It is a pervasive enough image to negate the idea of no meaning no.

3) Lack of domestic violence laws that actually offer some protection for women and children from their abusers. Even when abusers are arrested they are usually out in 24 hours and a restraining order is just a piece of paper, not some incredible teflon shield that will deflect blows.

And one more fun fact for you all out there-
One of the greatest risks to a pregnant woman's life is not the pregnancy, but death at the hands of her partner.

Being a woman is definitely not for sissies, it's no wonder you boys are so scared of us. Look at all the crap we put up with already. Imagine if we were treated like *GASP* human beings instead of walking breeding machines, fuckholes and punching bags. Just having the time it takes during a single day to avoid being any of those things would give us enough time to invent a perpetual motion machine and create cold fusion.

Oh- and in case you thought us girls saying that we don't like to be treated like pieces of meat was just an expression, you must read this. We are actual pieces of meat. It is nice that this guy just comes out and says it instead of using quasi-understanding fake liberal psychobabble though.

So let's recap:
Women are not responsible enough to have control over their own reproductive choices and if they enter into a sexual or romantic encounter they forfeit the right to say no or keep from being beaten. But women are totally responsible for things that happen to their own body on a cellular level and for the reaction of SOMEONE ELSE to their own body. They are also not supposed to fight back if someone is trying to kill them, except they are supposed to fight back or we are considered to be addicted to violence. And no only sometimes means no but wearing someone down till they say yes is acceptable behavior from boys. My head hurts from the contortions I have to go through just figuring out where my body ends and societies right to my body begins.

****Bonus points if you've read the story the title comes from******

Monday, October 30, 2006

We're 53rd! WooHoo!

You probably noted that last week Reporters without Borders published their annual free press rankings. You guessed it the US is 53rd, down nine places from last year. The ranking is down considerably from the 17th position at which the US first appeared in 2002.

Much of the blame has been laid at the feet of GW, but I don't think we should give him all the credit; the consolidated media has done a fine job dumbing down the media and becoming a lapdog to the regime.

It should be noted that the insurgency in Iraq has been credited for adapting to and making use of the media as a great propaganda tool. it is so comforting to know that those who supposedly hate us for our freedom, makes better use of the media than we do.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

A little bit of race baiting

The atrociousness of some of the political ads out this election cycle are shocking in their bad taste and jackass style sense of humor, but this blatantly racist ad from Tennessee makes my skin crawl.

See, Harold Ford Jr. is a black man running for the Senate in the south. If he wins he would be the first black senator from the South since reconstruction. So if your an old southern cracker like Ford's adversary, Bob Corker, you get the red-necks in Tennessee to forget that their healthcare has been gutted and jobs are seriously scarce and scare them into thinking the big black senator is going to take their pretty white girls.

Here's some advice for any of the good old boys who really are scared of losing their pretty white girls to someone like Ford- you guys are not losing your girls because of his giant black cock but because he still has all his teeth and bathes regularly. Hygiene will alot further in driving off the big black menace* than voting yet another racist white idiot into office.

* I have no fear of an actual big black menace because I think it's as much a figment of a cracker imagination as the idea that the South actually won the civil war is.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

It's been awhile

since I've been on a feminist rant. I don't know if I can do a whole rant as I am still nicotine free and rants are usually fueled by chain smoking and coffee, so here is a mini-rant with links to make ya puke.

I was cruising google image search for some inspiration. I need to paint and I want to do a big agit-prop piece. I also need to replace a collage that used to live in my kitchen because it now resides in the office window of my anthropology professor. I was thinking of going with a feminist workers theme for the collage and I got some really cool stuff. Then I came across this.....
It's from one of those freakish father's rights groups, though this one is Canadian instead of good old red-necked American chauvinism. But it just shows how universal the idea of "scary man-hating feminists" is.

Just to give you an example of the kind of crap these people spew- here is a WOMAN (dear gawd, these let her recover from the concussion she must have received as a result of the obvious dick slapping done to her by the patriarchy) writing about a battered woman who came to her for help.
You are not a battered woman,' I said with a sigh. I define a battered woman as a woman who is a genuine victim of her partner's violence. 'You are a violence-prone woman, a victim of your own need for violence.'
That's right, Blame the Victim. She hasn't been battered because she asked for it by being a violence prone woman with a need for violence. WTF!

My brain needs to be scrubbed clean now. I feel dirty just for reading this site.

Friday, October 20, 2006

5 reasons

why this boy makes me silly

1) We have a thing for the same campy British TV shows like Red Dwarf and The League of Gentlemen
2) He doesn't listen to country music because he doesn't want to support something that is racist. "Have you ever seen the audience at a country music concert, it's a sea of white".
3) When I said I was all Wallace and Grommity about cheese, he got it.
4)He has a filthy, filthy mind. Possibly more filthy than mine. I didn't know that was possible.
5) When he gets excited his London accent gets really thick and it's adorable.

And proof of how silly I am for this boy- I am still not smoking. But the cravings today are killing me so I am playing hermit. I'm even making the kiddo go to the grocery store for dinner because I don't want to be tempted to blow 6 bucks on a pack.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Giant virtual cookie for a dirty old man

When I was south of the border this song was played every hour, on the hour, by every damn radio station from Cancun to Villahermosa to Belize (it was even played on the $2 bus ride we took to cross the border- both there and back).

Oh baby when you talk like that
You make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body

Did y'all forget what day it is?

It's Fursday! Bring on da funny!

I'm starting with the kind of hoopties I grew up with- big scary trucks. All the cool boys drove trucks with engines so loud you could hear them a mile away. (Oh shit- I am giving away the fact that I grew up in a tiny town- now you will all know that my urban cool was learned as soon as I got to the big city at the ripe old age of 18). I spent many hours with my high school boyfriend and all his friends sitting in the garage while they worked on big scary trucks or putting back together old muscle cars to race. I learned how to grease the hub of a 4 by 4 and what a manifold was. There is a bonus to all this knowledge- I am smarter than the average girl (and a fuck of a lot of boys) when it comes to dealing with mechanics. On at least 2 occasions I have told mechanics exactly what the problem was (alternator on one, starter on the other) and the mechanic then wasted several hours trying to prove me wrong only to have to apologize in the end.

Why I Love Air America

Air America recently filed for bankruptcy protection, supplying fodder for right-wing liars for a few days. Of course, Faux News failed to report that it hemorraghed funds for the first five years of existence, only living off Murdoch's sick plan for media penitration (the same one used in the other markets that he got rich from). Lefties, listeners or not, should be far from discouraged.
I listen to Air America most of the time. Don't feel sorry for me, my computer easily process es multi-streams--I typically listen to LoungeRadio as my other stream. For those in Seattle, stick with the online stream, except between 6 and 9 am; Stephanie Miller is pretty funny.
Speaking of funny, I think Al Franken is one of the funniest men on the planet. He takes self-depricating humor to a new level. The way he gets guest to repeat topics in simpler terms by playing dumb works everytime. At the same time, Al has guests who honestly lift the curtains to reveal what's behind the scenes. Tom Oliphant, Amy Goodman from Democracy Now are regular guests. His show last week linked here included Bob Woodward, of course, but also Frank Rich, who wrote "The Great Story Ever Sold", about how the Bush adminstration stole America. Listening to Al for a week, you can tell how much work goes into his shows. He does his best to provide fair and honest reporting while giving no doubt that he is on the side of humanity. Beyond his show, he and other Air America personalities are guests of the enemies, attempting to stem the lies they use to shaft America.
Yesterday on the Randi Rhodes show, Henry Bechtel called in as a listener. He is a right-wing pastor who just came out with another book that details the thievery perpetuated by the mega-Churches and their axis of evil allies in the Republican party. He called in because he knew that he could be heard on her show. I had never heard of Mr. Bechtel, nor would I have in likelihood have if I just kept my political listening to NPR. Unlike their counterparts, Air America is open to all views, a welcome departure from preaching to the choir.
Air America is here to stay. Progressive radio, not just Air America, is about to take a spot next to the right-wing garbage that now epitomizes talk radio. Progressivism does not mean anti-capitalist. Making money and having a consscience is more difficult, but not impossible.

What I'm Reading Right Now

Got there from here

Also reading this: Alito & the Ken Lay Factor
don't know how i got there. Oh, yeah, googled "Unitary Executive"
Term I found in one of the articles linked to here

better post before my battery crashes.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

No one is dead yet

Three days in and no one is dead or even slightly mutilated. I haven't even yelled at the monkey boy (which is why I quit trying to quit the last time I tried to quit- I was bordering on Joan Crawford levels of scary).

I have this sudden massive swell of energy. I woke up at 6:30 this morning to clean my carpets. I was going to use the carpet cleaner, but instead I got a bucket of hot soapy water and a giant scrub brush and started cleaning the carpet by hand. If I hadn't just quit smoking I would think that I am bi-polar and in the midst of a manic phase. Seriously, who scrubs their entire living room carpet by hand? I got about half-way done this morning and am going to finish tonight. Then I am scrubbing the walls.

And just like DeeK said, my sense of smell has gotten much better. It was pretty good before. I could tell if a car has transmission or antifreeze problems by smell. I have a baker's nose and can sense the fine line when cookies are just done without being burnt on the bottom. I can usually figure out the scents that make up someone's perfume.

But having my sense of smell increase is not actually a good thing. I tried to eat an almost Cobb salad at lunch today (almost Cobb because there was no avocado). The smell of the blue cheese and green onions was overpowering. I love cheese, even blue cheese, but I fear that the intensity of the smells may put me off it forever. And then there is the bus, oh my god. I have been riding the bus for the last 3 years since I gave up my car and got a plush job a seven minute walk from my house. I got on the bus the other day and I thought I would be done in by the smells. It was an unholy combination of cheap cologne, dirty feet, vomit, urine and bad breath. It was like climbing into the body of a homeless giant. Needless to say, I've been walking a lot more.

There is one more weird thing. I am not having the smoking dreams yet, or waking up in the middle of the night dying for a cigarette. Instead I am craving weird food. Last night I woke up a 3am with an unquenchable desire for these chocolate covered cherries I get at Christmas every year from our friends in Atlanta.

I am sure you are all thrilled to bits to be reading the diary of a girl trying to quit smoking (insert knowing look of snark here). But just like any junkie it is still a minute by minute struggle not to think about smoking. I have been smoking everyday since I was 14, more than half my life. I read that the relapse rate for smokers is 95%, same as heroin junkies. Since this is at least my 10th time trying to quit, I am hopeful that I actually get to be in the 5% this time. Hell, I am in the 20% of Americans who have a passport, the 10% who read a book weekly, the 9% who are either Agnostic or Atheist. Since I like being in the minority, I think I belong in the 5%.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

34.5 hours

without smoking and nobody is dead yet. But the foggy-headed, blurry-vison thing has set in. I feel like my witty reparte has been muzzled.

How long does the blurry vison thing last? It's like someone smudged my periferal vision. I've had some offers on substitutions for the oral fixation (fucking Freud, oral fixation my ass). But it isn't the act of smoking that I miss. There's really only been one moment where the habit of putting something in my mouth was the issue and it took about 2 seconds of rational thought to end that.

I wish nicotine patches came in mega doses, or I could keep the nicotine happiness without the death potential of smoking. If they have methadone for heroin junkies I don't understand why I can't just take a big ole nicotine pill.

Let the election fixing begin

The NY Times thinks the Dems aren't just gonna take the House back, but could get the Senate as well. So why is Bush Co all smiles and surety? Where's all the confidence coming from?

Maybe because it's undesirable voter disenfranchisement time. You know, that special time of year when Republican hacks try to dissuade left leaning voters by sending them letters saying they will be deported if they try to vote.

This ain't new folks. You know in the last election they told black voters that if they had credit issues or unpaid parking tickets they would be arrested if they tried to vote. They also put fliers up on cars in minority neighborhoods with the wrong election date on them, encouraging voters to show up a day after actual voting took place.

Nice, that's democracy in action for ya.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Oh how I hate the fundies!

A few weeks ago The Stranger ran an article on how you can fuck with Focus On The Family and James Dobson by ordering their books for free. And order I did. Saturday night, when it became apparent that none of us were watching the movie because we were to busy talking and drinking and chain-smoking on my last night of nicotine happiness, I pulled out the books and we all had a huge laugh, followed by several of the books getting chucked across the room so hard I thought the drywall might be damaged. But I think Satan was protecting my drywall cause it's all good today. (wow- no nicotine equals run on sentences, who knew)

Since I am in the nicotineless mood to kick some ass- I am going to give you some choice quotes from one of the books.

and the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity

"Are you a styrofoam cup, a ceramic mug or a princess teacup?" I don't know about you all, but I am pretty sure I'm a human being and not an empty vessel used to hold hot beverages.

"This chapter is for the brave and daring. It's about respecting the great weakness God has created in guys". Huh? Great weakness that God created only in guys- prostate cancer perhaps? Oh wait, they mean a sex drive. Did you know that only men have a sex drive? I guess there must be something wrong with all us randy girls, maybe we've been possessed by Satan? And did you know that a sex drive, which all animals have in order to reproduce, is only a weakness in human males. So God created something helpful in animals but it's a weakness in people.

"So you're dressed and ready to go. Where should you go? A princess should always stay within the confines of her own kingdom where she is safely guarded under the watchful eye of her public". American Taliban- at your service. The section on dressing is all about how if it makes you feel sexy then it's wrong wrong wrong. I am waiting for them to suggest burkas.

"Your father can fill that special guy-shaped hole" I shit you not. This is actually a bolded section heading. This is where the book got tossed. But not before we come to the chapter entitled...

"Not you again Satan!"

Next time I'll get into the book where they tell wives how to handle their brooding , complicated husbands by submission. Cause you know, men are complicated creatures that us silly, frivolous girls will never understand without a book and a preacher to guide us.

I am not going to kill something


No nicotine. Rahhhhhhh.

Once again my paycheck is late and the administration is being a giant douchebag. Arghgggg.

Fortunately our director's wife just moved to a job in the payroll office. She's finding stuff out and making it all better. That is the only reason I am not there pulling my best Godzilla impersonation.

I forgot to put on my stupid patch.

Just one drag, please. No, bad bad girl.

Stay tuned for more incoherent ramblings from a nicotine junkie in the throws of withdrawl.

Friday, October 13, 2006

How I know we're related

Conversation just had between my little brother and me. This is proof that there is some genetic tweak where we love morbidly gross humor.

Me:Modesty is for people with nothing to brag about
Bro: Huh
Me: I'm trying to be Dorothy Parker so after I'm dead people will quote me
Bro: You want people to call you Dororthy parker after your dead
Me: No, you know, Dorothy Parker, writer from the 30's, famous for saying things like "If you don't have anything nice to say come sit next to me". I want to be quoted like that after I'm dead, and I'm starting with "Modesty is for people with nothing to brag about"
Bro: We'll put it on your tombstone
Me: That would be cool except that I'm getting cremated.
Bro: Then we'll make your ashes spell it out
Me: Oh I've got an idea- you could get my ashes compressed into a diamond and have those people who write names on rice write it on the diamond.
Bro: Sure, that's what we'll do
Me: You're totaly going to get me cremated at the local bar-b-que place and then dump me in a trash can, aren't you?
Bro: No, it would be cool if you were a diamond, I could wear you in a ring and say "Hey you want to meet my sister- here she is"
Me: This is my sister, Bling Bling
Bro: Yeah, first name Bling, last name Bling
Me: You could tell them we have different dads and that's why I'm a bling bling. But if I'm going to be a ring I need to be the most ghettofabulous giant creation ever.
Bro: Sure, we'll make it like 19 carats,

Darling you've got to let me know

Do you need more clues to win the giant galleta, I mean cookie?

Come on and let me know
Should I give you a clue
or Should I go

Out of character

I have found myself thinking and doing things that would have been completely out of character for me 6 months ago. For example, I am actually considering marriage (to someone who is not Cary Grant, but is about as charming). Until recently I didn't think I was the marrying kind, but maybe I grew up a little. It's a bit strange (in a very good way) to be considering a relationship where marriage is the ultimate goal.

What's even weirder is that I am considering the life of a stay at home suburban housewife. This is a much further stretch. I'm urban and except for 2 years after my son was born I've worked since I was 14. I'm hopeful that there is negotiating room on this one, like say a cool urban townhome instead of a sprawling suburban ranch and I stay in school. So basically, my life now only in a place with a sunnier climate and having to share decorating decisions with another grown-up.

There is a political side to this. Am I good little progressive feminist even if I enter into a very traditional style relationship? I know that if I stayed home all day I would be driven to chewing my hair and muttering strange things in corners, but I also don't particularly care about making money. And then there is the issue of privilege. There is privilege in being able to marry while so many gays and lesbians are not. There is also privilege in having the choice to stay home and live in a family where one income is enough. Am I a complete sell-out for taking advantage of those privileges? Would it make me lose some credibility? I have always been independent and very capable of handling things on my own. If I had someone making things easier would I lose some of that toughness?

Oh yeah- and come this Sunday night I am quitting smoking. Totally out of character, but recently cigarettes have started to taste bad (you non-smokers won't understand how they ever tasted good, but trust me). I have smoked more than half my life, I think it's time to be done now. I just hope that I don't kill anyone during nicotine withdrawal and that my friend Ruth was lying when she said that the foggy-headed stupidness you get when you quit doesn't go away. I think quitting smoking may temporarily turn me into red-state personality, you know, stupid and mean. Wish me luck.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Best Ad Ever!

Shakespeare's Sister calls this the best political ad ever. I have to agree.

The giant cookie goes multi lingual

Galletas is Spanish for Cookies!

I have loved this song forever, but it wasn't until a few years ago that I figured out all the background lyrics are in Spanish (so much for my language abilities). The lyrics in Spanish are a rough translation of the English, so either you can interpert for yourself or see what kind of mangled jargon Babelfish spits out at you.

Siempre - coqueteando y engañando
Me arrodilla y estás feliz
Un día bien el otro negro
Al rededar en tu espalda
Me tienes que decir
¿Me debo ir o quedarme?

Chorus (I'm not giving you the lyrics here cause they're the title of the song)

La indecisión me molesta
Si no me quieres, líbrame
Dígame que debo ser
¿Sabes qué ropa me queda?
Me tienes que decir
¿Me debo ir o quedarme?

Hoopty of the week

Deek and I have been slacking on bringing you the most ghettolicious vehicles to every cross an intersection. I thought I'd bring back hard with this hoopty of a station wagon.

Fursday Fun stays below the belt

Ya'll know I'm still dreaming of a threesome with John Stewart and Stephen Colbert. In the mean time I will have to content myself with clips from their respective shows dealing with the Foley scandal. Is it to naughty to admit that I am hoping the close up pants shot on the Stewart video is of Stewart's own pants?
Stewart's Hot Pants

Colbert's Dirty IM's

Fursday: Just a hair off

From my new dreamboat of a man Keith Olbermann:

But our winners, whoever in the Ottawa County Clerk’s Office proofreads the ballots in Ottawa County, Michigan, a typo will cost the county $40,000 to print new ballots because the old one misspelled the word, public. Left out the “L.” You can enunciate for yourself how the mistaken version of that word sounds.

Obviously the County Clerk’s spelling was just a hair off.

The Global Immigration Issue

The Economist posted and article about immigration issues that Europeans face. You think we have problems, understand that Europe has much less space and provides a greater attraction to immigrants (better social support systems). This issue revisits a point I made during our immigration tiff: that immigration is a two way street that involves both the countries that shed populations and ones that take them in. I am not encouraged by the agency being proposed simply because it is being headed by Peter Sutherland, chairman of BP and Goldman Sachs, but at least the topic is on the table.

Almost all of us our products of immigrant. Let's see it as the global, rather than local, concern that it is.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Halleluja! The line between church and state sure is fuzzy!

I'm sorry, but just because you're holier than thou doesn't mean your ass should be taking tax breaks simply because of your religious standing.

Seriously, maybe it's time we all declared ourselves preachers in the church of the individual and took a tax break for our housing costs.

Let's see, tax breaks for preachers, but not their less well paid staff. And no tax break for us non-religious types that do the same kind of work. I work in the inner city teaching vocational students how to write business letters and resumes so they are productive members of society, it's alot more practical than saying prayers and has better results in the long run. Where's my tax break for that?

Oh and the churches not paying unemployment crap- ah no. Seriously, just cause you think you got God on your side doesn't mean shit. I think even Jesus said "render unto Ceasar".

Everyday I hate organized religion just a little more.