I'm going to do for you what no one ever did for George Sondini, not the women who said he was "nice, but...." and not the PUA that he went to to find out how to pick up young women. I'm going to tell it straight up and hopefully you'll get a clue. If you pay attention, you'll be happier, and maybe one less misogynistic asswipe will think it's his duty to kill bitches and hoes.
1) When we say "you're such a nice guy" we are trying to let you down easy. Sometimes it's because we actually care, but usually it's because we think you might be a bit of a sociopathic nutbag and we don't want to push you over the edge.
2) Stop thinking that "nice guy" equals nice. It doesn't. It means we can sense the desperation coupled with woman-hate coming off you. You reek of it, like a sick animal. Try being a good guy instead. Good guys are polite, sweet, thoughtful, well groomed, etc, AND don't think they deserve to get laid simply because they don't beat women. Good guys are the kind of guys you can trust never to turn into stalkers or date rapists. They can handle rejection. They don't hate all women just because a cheerleader in high school never gave them the time of day.
3) Because it's sooooo important- lemme reiterate: Good guys can handle rejection. They don't spend weeks mooning over some woman who they are too scared to actually ask out. They don't build women up in their minds as the end all be all of their existence because they lack the courage to ask a simple question "do you wanna go out sometime?". They can take a "no", or a "I've got a boyfriend", or a "I'm not really dating right now" and roll with it. Rejection hurts and at some point everyone gets rejected, but they move on and find someone who does want to go out with them. If you don't have the mental stability to handle a "no" or twelve, then you have no business dating anyone. Get to a shrink's couch before you hurt someone.
4) No one deserves sex. You won't die without it. But if think you deserve sex, if you treat sex as an entitlement rather than as a way for 2 people to make themselves and each other feel good, then you are way less likely to ever have sex. Sex is not a hard won prize found at the bottom of a cereal box. You don't get sex just because you wore the right shoes or went to the gym or didn't force yourself on someone or said the magic words that secretly unlock a girl's panties. There are no secret words like that.
5)Pick up artists are a sham. Save your money. Their tricks are tired, cliched, and any woman who isn't pass-out-drunk sees through their crap. You wanna try handing out a "neg", then you better be prepared for a woman to roll her eyes at you and then gossip with her friends about the "douchebag who thinks Mystery is the shit". There is really only one recipe for sex- take 2 people, who are both attracted to each other AND want to have sex with each other, add condoms and privacy. That's it. It's pretty simple.
6) There isn't someone for everyone, but there are more people out there that have potential than you think. Are you a middle aged man? Are you trying to date 20 somethings? Are you either George Clooney or Bill Gates? No. Then those 20 somethings are going to steer clear of you. Take a good, objective look at yourself. Are you short? Fat? Skinny? Bald? Poor? Old? These are not insurmountable problems. But just like you want the hotties to give you a chance despite your imperfections, you maybe wanna give more women a chance than just the cheerleader types who ignored you in high school. Besides, men who find a broader spectrum of women attractive have more sex, not less. And don't you want to have more sex?
7) Just because one (or 12 or 20) women treated you badly does not mean all women are money grubbing whores. Remember how I said we can smell the woman-hate coming off you. That's where it comes from. Look, I've had some dudes do some criminally horrible shit to me, like life threateningly awful. But I don't hate all men. I give each dude the chance to show me who he is, and I've never made the same mistake twice when it comes to dating. You need to do the same with women. If you find that the same thing keeps happening to you with different women, then the problem is you and not all women. You are attracted to the kind of women who will treat you badly, and you need to figure out why.
8) No one is attracted to a door mat, but this doesn't mean that you should be an asshole instead. If you like a woman, ask her out. Send an email or call her. ONCE. Not 17 times just to make sure she got your other messages. If she's into you, she'll reply. If she's not, she'll give you some kind of "thanks but no thanks" or she won't reply at all. If she was on the fence and you just showed some crazy stalking behavior with the 17 messages, you've just blown it. Confidence means being able to take the risk that you'll be rejected, and being able to be rejected with grace. Assholes are just the flip side of the nice guy- they are what happens when nice guys get rejected. And they don't get laid either.
9)Stop complaining that "women only like assholes". Perhaps all the women you like only date assholes (which says something about who you are attracted too) or perhaps your definition of asshole is wrong. Those guys you think are assholes are probably confident, non-stalkers with some charm and a decided lack of woman-hate.
10) Be interesting just because interesting is fun. Men who turn themselves inside out trying to make themselves attractive to women are boring and creepy, just like women who are completely focused on finding a husband are boring and creepy. Read a book, travel, find music you love or play in nature if that's your thing. Do things that you find enjoyable. Be passionate about something other than getting laid and learn to talk about it. Talking is wayyyyyyyyyy more important than what kind of car you drive or how big your paycheck is or whether or not you have a full head of hair.
And if you are not sure if you are a nice guy, I'd suggest checking this out.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Thursday, August 06, 2009
So to get my mind off douchebags who think rape is genetic- I'm gonna have to sing along to this happy little video
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Women's worst fear is that men will kill them.
Think about that while the stories about murderous douchebag George Sodini (Sorry OD- links to Jezebel) come out. Three women are dead because he couldn't get laid. And the MRA wankers want to though him a fucking parade. (Not a link to Jezebel).
Let's get one thing straight- no one deserves sex. No one. Not even George Clooney deserves to get laid. Sex is not a shiny prize you win at the end of a battle. It's not a reward for good behavior. It's not something women owe to men who have enough human decency not to rape them or beat them.
But if there is one thing that Sodini did, it's that he proved that Nice Guys(TM) really aren't nice. Women stay away from them because they can sense the asshole hiding right under the surface. And every single women I know has had a problem with a guy like Sodini at some point. It's one of the things that the internet has made both better and worse. Now at least we can deal with the asswipes from a distance, long before they get our phone numbers or addresses. But we still end up with an inbox full of downward spiraling crazy rants.
Sodini is just the end product of rape culture. He was a man who thought that sex was owed to him, but wasn't willing to cross the line to actual rapist to get it. Instead he choose murder. In a post feminist society, Sodini might have been able to recognize that his desperate need and douchebaggery were the reasons he wasn't getting laid, as quite a few former Nice Guys have. But instead he blamed the problem on us bitches.
And that got women killed. That is why our worst fear is that you'll kill us. That's why catcalls are frightening and not flattering. That is why it's hard to give a guy we don't know well a flat out "no". We never know when our saying no will get us hurt.
Puts that whole fear of rejection/ being laughed at thing in perspective, doesn't it.