tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-232469362024-03-13T10:53:39.208-04:00ElizabitchezThe Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.comBlogger2479125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-57170144258463421932013-08-20T22:03:00.000-04:002013-08-20T22:03:22.370-04:00It's been awhile since I blegged, or blogged for that matter....So you all know about the pestilence problems I've been having? NO BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT ON TUMBLR. IT'S WHERE ALL THE COOL KIDS BLOG DONCHA KNOW. <br />
<br />
Long
story short- bed bugs SUCK. My shitty landlord stopped treating the
apartment 2 months ago. There was a canine inspection in June that said
there were still bugs here, but the landlord didn't do shit. With my
August rent I included a letter that said "restart treatment or no more
rent money". Today there was another canine inspection, and magically,
without any pesticides or heat treatment or ANYTHING being done- POOF-
the landlord says no more bugs. The fact that I am covered in bites says
otherwise. Also if you could magically get rid of bed bugs with nothing
more than depression and unemployment- RAID WOULD BE BOTTLING THE TEARS
OF MILLENNIALS ACROSS THE COUNTRY. The thing is- per my lease, the
landlord only has to pay for the first infestation. If they get away
with saying this infestation is done and over- I AM ON THE HOOK FOR THE
FULL COST OF TREATMENT. That is going to run in the $4600 range. Makes
me want to go throw my dirty laundry on the landlord's desk and chair
and ask "DO YOU REALLY THINK WE'RE BED BUG FREE? REALLY? HOW MUCH YOU
WANT TO BET ON IT?"<br />
So where does the
blegging come in? Well I started a new job, which means I have no money
till I get paid- 2 weeks from now. I don't even know how I am going to
get to work next week when I am out of bus fare. But to fight my
landlord I have to get an independent canine inspector NOW. I found one.
He's awesome. He can do it as soon as I have $170. All he does is
inspections, so he's got no dog in the fight. I have to get him in
QUICK. No loopy holes for the landlord to say "NOOOO, that must be a
whole new infestation". I maybe have a few days, tops. Definitely not 2
weeks. <br />
So if you can spare some change- <a data-mce-href="https://www.paypal.com/us/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_flow&SESSION=4CZ6MMnuFf9zghHXKbjJvt6O6PW8Xnv8sJZ14BA9blxquMDtMgeCkK5m460&dispatch=5885d80a13c0db1f8e263663d3faee8d48a116ba977951b3435308b8c4dd4ef1" href="https://www.paypal.com/us/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_flow&SESSION=4CZ6MMnuFf9zghHXKbjJvt6O6PW8Xnv8sJZ14BA9blxquMDtMgeCkK5m460&dispatch=5885d80a13c0db1f8e263663d3faee8d48a116ba977951b3435308b8c4dd4ef1">please drop it in my paypal</a>.
Once upon a time I lived a life that didn't involve all my shit being
bagged up like an episode of hoarders. I WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT TIME. The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-6822868720646664232013-03-13T19:42:00.000-04:002013-03-13T19:42:53.272-04:00It had to happen eventuallyToday the Kid is 18. I don't even know how that happened. I just know that it did. WOW. He's pretty amazing. I am really proud of the person that he has grown up to be. But that's his story now and he can tell it how he wants to. I am going to take one tiny blog post to brag, cause OMG I DID IT.<br />
<br />
Look, I had like the worst examples of how to parent. So my goal was was mostly "DON'T DO THAT". I can tick some pretty big things off the "That didn't happen to Kid" list. He made it to 18 without smoking, drinking, drugs, or having sex (the sex thing I don't so much care about, but I was 19 when I had him so I am hoping that a later start for him means a later start on babies as well, if he decides to have them). He also never heard anything come out of my mouth that remotely resembled the kind of emotional abuse that I went through. He has never been emotionally blackmailed with the potential loss of my love if he didn't do chores, for example. He has never been thrown out of the house to fend for himself as a child. He's never had to be the parent and had giant grown up responsibilities pushed onto him. Actually I may have kept him a little unknowledgeable on that front, dude can't remember our zip code and doesn't know how to fill out an envelope. But he can and will learn those things.<br />
<br />
There are things I could have been better at, that's for sure. No parent is perfect. I would take back the entire beginning of 6th grade. I played that wrong. I was ignoring who Kid is for who I thought I was supposed to turn Kid into. I wasn't being myself either. We were both miserable and fighting and unhappy. When I finally said "OH FUCK THIS! THIS IS NOT US!" and calmed the fuck down, Kid and I were both much much happier. <br />
<br />
I also wonder if I made the right choice in homeschooling him. I don't know. He's terribly introverted. Would he have been less introverted if forced into the gauntlet of high school hallways, or would he have been depressed or worse with the daily torment? I don't know. But I do know a lot of late blooming people who did fine, and I think Kid will figure that out for himself when he is motivated (probably by girls) enough to want to. That is how Kid has always worked. He does things when he is motivated to do them and not a second before. But when he is motivated WHOOOOOSH he goes from not reading at all to reading at a 12th grade level overnight. Booyah.That's my kid. <br />
<br />
18 years, WOW. I can't believe it's here. It seemed so far away and then it seemed too close and now it's here. The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-32938602066669556882013-02-19T18:12:00.002-05:002013-02-19T18:12:47.712-05:00How I Spent My Tax ReturnIt's the most wonderful time of the year, for poor folks. FUCK ME I LOVE TAX TIME! But it's come and gone, POOF. And this is almost the last year of the big returns. I think I get one more next year, and then Kid is too old for me to get the Earned Income Tax Credit. As it is, he is too old (at 17) for me to get the Child Tax Credit (because on some planet somewhere Congress in all it's wisdom decided that in this one instance 17 year-olds were not children. OK?)<br />
<br />
Since I am unemployed and without health insurance (yeah Obamacare does nothing for me until 2014 at the earliest) and COBRA would cost over 1000 a month while I only get about 1200 from Unemployment- I spent about 300 on my prescriptions. Hopefully that will keep me functional until I get a job with insurance. I paid 3 months worth of all my bills but rent and cell phones. Hopefully I will have a job before they come due again. I bought interview and work clothes because I have none. My good clothes keep getting stolen from the apartment's shared laundry rooms plus my weight keeps fluctuating so things don't fit anymore. Hopefully having the clothes in my closet will make me feel a little more confident about sending out my resume and little less "what is the fucking point". I bought some makeup for the same reason. I bought Kid a new cellphone. His old one was very very old. He's been doing really good at being motivated to start taking classes, etc and it's an early birthday present. Hopefully having a kickass little piece of tech makes him feel a little better about venturing out into the world of the adulthood. <br />
<br />
You might have noticed a reoccurring word in there. Hopefully. I spent my whole damn tax return on hope. Hopefully things will get better. Hopefully.<br />
<br />
I have certainly been in worse places, with much less. I have so many people who love me here. I have the ever awesome Boyfriend, and all my lovely friends near and far, old and new. I have some really bad days but they are nothing compared to how bad it has been in the past. So yes, I am hopeful.<br />
<br />
Also the sun is shinning like a motherfucker IN FEBRUARY IN SEATTLE. That never happens. I may just be experiencing some kind of vitamin D induced euphoria. But wevs, I'll take a little happy however I can get it. The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-77374771386237066312013-01-31T00:52:00.000-05:002013-01-31T00:52:37.723-05:00RQ Cooks: Stroganoff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I've posted this already. Have I posted this already? OH FUCK IT! Imma post it anyways. I've been looking for a good stroganoff recipe for years, decades even. The problem is this, to make it quick, you get this chewy, tough meat that is impossible to eat without a knife and doesn't make any sense in a pile of delicious mushroomy, noodley goodness. Boyfriend made the mistake of suggesting using hamburger BUT THAT WILL NOT DO, NO WAY SIR, NO. So braising, which takes a while but if you get buy one get on free on a decent roast you can make double portions and get many many meals out of it.<br />
<br />
It did take some work to get the liquid portions right. And since I am adding extra liquid at the beginning and don't want it to be soupy at the end, I am gonna braise in the oven instead of the crockpot so it cooks down.<br />
<br />
You need:<br />
3 lb chuck roast, sliced into pieces of similar size to the noodles you will serve it with <br />
salt and pepper<br />
butter with a little vegetable oil to keep it from smoking<br />
2 cups beef stock<br />
1 cup red wine (or you can use my go to substitution for red wine when I am out or too poor to buy wine- beef broth in the amount of the wine you need, plus several solid glugs of worchestshire sauce and a glug or 2 of red wine vinegar. It's the red wine vinegar that sells it)<br />
3 tablespoons flour<br />
more butter for the mushrooms and onions <br />
1 and a half lbs sliced mushrooms (I use cremini because they are always the same price per pound as button mushrooms and I like them better)<br />
2 diced medium yellow onions <br />
1 and a half cups sour cream<br />
2 packages egg noodles<br />
<br />
Preheat your oven to 300, if you can remember to do that kinda thing. In a braiser or dutch oven or oven proof stock pot, melt the butter over high heat and add a little vegetable oil to keep it from smoking. Season beef with salt and pepper and brown it, in batches. When it's all brown, put it all back in the pan. Add the flour and continue cooking until there are no white or floury bits. You can add a little extra butter if you need to. Then add either the wine or the faux-wine to deglaze the pan. Keep cooking on high until it's been reduced by half. Then cover it with a tight-fitting lid and chuck it in the oven. Ignore it for a minimum of 2 hours. 2 and a half is best.<br />
<br />
When you are nearing the finish mark, put a big ole pan of water on to boil for the pasta. Don't forget to salt the water. Seriously DON'T FORGET TO SALT YOUR PASTA WATER YOU HEATHENS. While pasta is pasta-ing, dice your onions and slice your mushrooms. Saute them in some butter until the onions are all carmelly awesome. Then stir them into the beefy awesomeness. Add the sour cream. Stir that too. Serve over the noodles. Enjoy the satisfaction of knowing that everyone around you thinks your are a better cook than them and will now worship at your feet and bring your offerings of booze. <br />
<br />The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-87750178475926353282013-01-29T15:42:00.000-05:002013-01-29T15:42:54.691-05:00Oh ah fun! So after much hard work - the podcast is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Boyfriend's podcast for Machine Court that is. If you want to give it a listen- <a href="http://seespacelabs.com/machine-court/">GO HERE! </a>You will get to hear a little of my weirdly breathy voice even! We are also already busy putting together podcast number 2, so if you like what you hear and want to be part of next one, volunteer for a Skype interview! All you need is a computer and microphone. It's fun and weird and you can even have cocktails while I ask you ridiculous questions. But go listen and enjoy.<br />
<br />
<br />The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-83213567143406313742013-01-08T15:16:00.001-05:002013-01-08T15:16:49.211-05:00Help a blogger out! No Monies Required! Some of you may be aware that I have recently joined the ranks of the disemployed. (Sadfaces all around). It could be worse. I'm doing all right for now. We're housed and fed and interneted. I've got enough meds to last me a little while. All in all, I've been in much dire circumstances.<br />
<br />
But I do need your help- in a FUN way. "WHAT IS THIS FUN?" you may be asking. Well the boyfriend has been working on an interactive multimedia art project called Machine Court that involves animated robots. We are putting together a podcast to explain the project and also to test run some of the questions that the project will use. We need 30 recorded answers to some of the questions by Friday. So far we have 8.<br />
<br />
If you want to learn more about the project-<a href="http://seespacelabs.com/machine-court/"> go here</a><br />
If you want to help me out answer some questions-<a href="http://seespacelabs.com/"> they are here</a>. You just need a computer with a microphone. There is a link in each question to the recording tool. This week's questions are what you would do if you could clone yourself. <br />
<br />
It's fun. It's easy. It's keeping me occupied when job searching is frustrating. The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-82830096642163313302012-11-16T22:44:00.002-05:002012-11-16T22:44:56.577-05:00Ugh, Oppression Tourists Piss Me OFF! So today, or maybe yesterday, I got a new Twitter follower. So I clicked through, cause maybe I want to follow him back. Turns out he is playing at being poor by living for 90 days on WHO rations or some shit. Because no one can really know the truth about poverty unless is being talked about by an educated white dude who play acts the part of the poor and downtrodden.<br />
<br />
FUCK THAT SHIT! You want to know and understand more about poor people. TALK TO AND REALLY LISTEN TO THEM. We get to be the experts on our own fucking lives. You want to know how hard it is for women (cough-Nicholas Kristof-cough) the TALK TO AND REALLY LISTEN TO WOMEN. You want to know what it's like to be a person of color? Then TALK TO AND REALLY LISTEN TO POCs.<br />
<br />
We get to be the experts on our own fucking lives. We get to create the narrative of who we are and why we are. Not some well-meaning dude who hasn't checked all of his fucking privilege and who thinks he can understand the grinding, slow- motion horror film that is life in the bottom 20 percent. We are the experts, yet oddly no one ever treats us as such. Instead we are lectured at, imposed upon, stereotyped, and ignored. <br />
<br />
If you find yourself feeling sympathetic to an oppressed group, then go educate yourself by reading or seeking out primary sources (since HEY THAT'S A BIG FUCKING DEAL WITH ACADEMIC AND INTELLECTUAL TYPES, UNLESS THE PRIMARY SOURCE IS NOT A WHITE DUDE WITH MONEY). <br />
<br />
Fuck me. You know I had this same damn argument around Columbus day. People all over started quoting Bartolome de las Casas, a Spaniard who thought indigenous folks in the New (not really new) World should be treated as people and encouraged the African slave trade in order to give the locals their freedom. Yeah that was mis-fucking-guided. So the dude said some nice shit about Indians. But you know who we should be listening to about the horrors of European colonialism in the Western hemisphere? HOW ABOUT SOME NATIVE AMERICANS WHO ARE STILL FUCKING OPPRESSED. How about Rigoberta Menchu? How about Winona Laduke? Or Sherman Alexie? But no. Instead of quoting actual brown people about the how colonialism, racism, and oppression have fucked them over, we gotta reach into the way back machine and pull out a white, European dude to be the expert.<br />
<br />
I CAN'T EVEN WITH THIS!The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-71707847818348460702012-11-07T23:20:00.000-05:002012-11-07T23:21:09.252-05:00RQ Cooks - StroganoffOr masturbating cow, as we like to call it.<br />
<br />
I have been trying to make good stroganoff from cheap cuts of meat since FOREVER. All the recipes I've found either want sirloin or tenderloin or something spendy, or hamburger which is just NOT COOL.<br />
<br />
But I want to use good old fashioned chuck roast. The deal with using this instead of spendier meat is that it requires braising to turn it into something edible instead of shoe leather. Braising takes 2 hours, minimum. It's a time investment, but the actual work of cooking it only takes a half hour or so.' <br />
<br />
First slice up a bunch of crimini or button mushrooms. I use between half a pound to 3/4 of a pound depending on how bit the meat hunk is. Also slice up a large yellow onion or 2. In a large skillet, melt some butter in with some olive oil. The oil keeps the butter from burning. Throw mushrooms and onions in pan and saute until the onions sweat, about 5 mins. Move mixture to a bowl and set aside. <br />
<br />
Take your chuckroast. I got a deal and had a good 3 pound roast. Get a good knife. I use a long, serrated bread knife for this. The teeth go through the meat like, well teeth. Slice the meat in to thin strips. If you can't do thin strips, then do smallerish cubes. Cut off some of the fatty parts, but not all because fat=flavor and because fat helps with the breakdown of the meat fibers that leads to tender meaty awesomeness when braising. <br />
<br />
Throw some more oil in the mushroom pan and brown up the meat. Season the meat with salt and pepper while it's browning. You may have to do this in batches. After the meat is browned, grab a glass of red wine and use it to deglaze the pan. The pour the stuff from the pan into a large dutch oven (if you are making a smaller batch of stroganoff, you may be able to keep everything in the frying pan if you have a good lid for it). Throw the meat into the wine. Add beef stock (shout out to better than bullion- heyyyyy!) of about 6 cups for 3 lbs meat. Get out the Worcestershire sauce. Pour it 3 times around the pan. Stir the stuff up and bring it to a boil. The cover and reduce to simmer. Ignore it for an hour.<br />
<br />
At the one hour mark, put the mushrooms and onions back in the pot. Make a cornstarch slurry (a table spoon or 2 of cornstarch mixed into cold water) and throw that in the pot too. Ignore it for another hour. Have a whiskey coke. Watch an episode of Firefly.<br />
<br />
Check the liquid level. If it is too soupy you can either try more cornstarch or cook with the lid off for awhile. If it looks to low add a little stock or water. Before you add the sour cream in it should look a bit like watery stew. <br />
<br />
Make the noodles. Generously salt the noodle water. Cook a package (or 2 if you just made enough stroganoff to feed an army) according to the instructions. While the noodles are cooking, add sour cream to the meat. Use a large container of sour cream if you just cooked a whole cow, or just glop spoonfuls in and stir if you made less. When sauce is coffee with 2 creams-colored, you've got it right.<br />
<br />
Serve over noodles. Enjoy the oohs and ahhhs of people stuffing it in their faces. <br />
<br />
<br />The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-17312366512422720112012-10-17T22:55:00.000-04:002012-10-17T22:58:34.603-04:00Voting Myths: Or How Not To Win Friends and Influence Voters<span style="font-family: inherit;">I'd imagine that the handful of readers I still have are totes familiar with the myths (lies) those on the right spin. We all know that when they are disdaining Welfare, they are talking about single, black mothers even though most people on Welfare are white women. We know that when they say voting fraud they mean "how many legit voters can I disenfranchise" since voting fraud is not a thing that actually happens unless Rethuglicans are doing it. We know their racist dog whistles and call them out on it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But it ain't just the right dog whistling. OH NO. Dems have their own shitty lies they tell about the people who don't vote for them. There's a reason why the Rethuglikan sneers about elitism stick, it's because of the snobbery, the disdain, the dripping condescension handed out by Dems in the middle of their "WHY DON'T THEY VOTE THE WAY I TELL THEM TO" tantrums. For example:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Voting against their own self-interest" - this is phrase trotted out by liberals regarding poor, usually rural, whites who vote for the other legacy party. But here's the thing. No one votes against their own self-interest. Poor whites who vote for Republicans do it for god and racism. They see, accurately, that the Dems don't really have anything to offer them. The Dems aren't bringing back middle class jobs, making college affordable for their kids, etc. etc. But what the Dems are (ostensibly, in the most shallow ways) about are anti-racism, which removes the one privilege poor whites have, and anti-fundy bible thumping with the sex ed and "gays are people too" and the "wanton sluts should get birth control". Racism gives them a real benefit and religion gives them the same kind of empowered feeling that liberals get from reading the NY Times and bitching about flyover states.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There's another shitty layer of shitty to the 7 layer dip of awful that is "voting against their own self-interest" . We know that the Rethuglikans are the party of freedom from control over your own life unless your rich, white, straight and male. The Dems like to frame themselves as the alternative to that. "Oh we will let the ladies have control over their own naughty bits as long as it doesn't cost up anything". They aren't. See Welfare Reform, the virtuous foodies who think every family can eat nothing but organic fruit and veg on a food stamp budget, and that phrase "voting against their own self-interest".</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Now see, I believe that short of bad cases of mental illness, people are rational creatures who act in their own self-interest. It's like Elizabeth Bennet says to Lady Catherine, a rich old shit monster who is trying to meddle and browbeat Elizabeth "<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">I am only resolved to act in a manner which will constitute my own happiness without
reference to you or to any person so wholly unconnected with me." I trust people to understand their own lives better than I, an outsider, could. As long as what you're doing doesn't hurt someone else, I don't give a fuck. You shouldn't either. It ain't about you. But that fucking "voting against their own self-interest" bullshit is just a way of saying "You there, poor and stupid person, let me choose who will govern you, for you are surely to ignorant to be allowed to choose for your self". </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Of course this isn't the only liberal way of dog whistling "poor and stupid". See also "Low Information Voters". Whenever someone uses this phrase, feel free to kick them in the shins and call them a classist shitmonger. Ok, maybe not with the kicking. I know some of y'all are pacifists. But yeah, CLASSIST SHITMONGER screamed in all caps 2 inches from their face is a good plan. I asked the boyfriend if there was a way to just troll the interwebs and have an audio file of me screaming autoplay </span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">every time </span></span>someone uses that phrase. He told me it would just require some tweaking of the software spambots use to leave comments. "This an excellent blog of the most excellent quality. I am glad to have found such a blog. I have also posted on this same topic. Please click this link to.... CLASSIST SHITMONGER." Should I ever win the lottery, I may pay spambots to do this for me. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Now both legacy parties can't understand why the underclass of the other party votes the way they do. Poor blacks and latinos are more religious than poor whites, yet they vote for the separation of church and state party. Poor whites have more in common with poor blacks and latinos than with the rich old dudes who run the Rethuglican party exclusively (and the Democratic party, slightly less exclusively). When really, for the bottom 20 percent, the choice between shit sandwich and shit sandwich with pickle isn't much of a choice. </span></span></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Now what no one is asking (because the right doesn't care if you vote and because the left (ha) can't imagine why anyone wouldn't vote for them) is why do we have 46% of the voting age population that couldn't be assed to cast a vote in 2008? Sure the left will trot out pipe dreams about needing election day to be a national holiday. They will, rightly, accuse the right of illegally purging voters. But that doesn't cover the vast majority of regular folks who really don't see a difference in voting for shit sandwich, shit sandwich with pickle since President Sans Pickle is doing the exact same shit the President Pickle did. Neither party will address that, because it's not in their best interest. A president maybe a president of 100% of the population, but neither Mittens not Obama give a flying fuck about the needs of the disillusioned 46%, </span></span></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Maybe they are all just low information welfare queens who are (not) voting against their own self interest? </span></span></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-38658188039060934442012-10-10T00:42:00.003-04:002012-10-10T00:42:54.791-04:00Vamanos PestI'm rewatching the last half season of Breaking Bad. And for those who haven't seen it consider this your <strong>spoiler warning. </strong><br />
<br />
It's
obviously a perfect metaphor for the amorality of capitalism. It
doesn't matter why you get into business. It can be for the most noble
of reasons, to leave your wife and children with enough when you die,
for example. But in the end you are going to be the guy who chooses
future profits over justice for a dead kid. Profits first. Profits only.
Profits over the wife and kids that you wanted to take care of in the
first place. You could also break it down into World Systems Theory, if
you're a bit of an old school structuralist like I am. But that is bit
too easy, all nuclear families break down that way. It's even there, in
the description. A core surrounded by the less powerful periphery.
Nuclear. <br />
<br data-mce-bogus="1" />
Maybe I am showing my bias, but I
hope it's Skyler who takes Walt out. Hank has the same amount of power
and privilege as Walt. Jesse does too, though the fact that he doesn't
recognize it doesn't make it any less true. But Skyler, she can't even
keep Walt out of her bed. I think that's why she is smoking inside the
house. For now, it's the only thing she can do. Smoke in the house where
your husband, the guy with lung cancer, lives. Yes, I want the
terrified wife to take Walt down. Because for anyone else to do it, it's
just a change in management. Just a name change. To break the
structure, the periphery has to take out the core. <br />
<br />The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-47342198971054609382012-10-06T18:12:00.000-04:002012-10-06T18:12:01.016-04:00Decision FatigueIt's a thing I didn't have a phrase for until recently, but something I've experienced since I was a kid.<br />
<br />
Decision fatigue it what happens when every single damn choice you make throughout the day has, if not life or death consequences, then rent or food consequences. Eventually your brain just says "fuck you, I'm out." and the smallest, stupidest decisions become paralyzing exercises in stress and futility.<br />
<br />
So a few weeks ago I bought a $10 pair of shoes on Ebay. The seller sent the wrong pair and wants me to send them back. She'll even pay for postage. But the tiny decisions needed to facilitate this return have been causing my stomach churning anxiety for the last week. My bus stop is closed for the next 6 months, so to get to the post office do I 1) Kill myself with the long uphill hike to the nearest functioning bus stop or 2) spend another $10 bucks on a cab ride that won't be reimbursed by the seller. Decision 2 Where does the money I have to front for postage before the seller reimburses me come from? Do I borrow it from the Kid, who made a little money working for the boyfriend. No I can't do that. That's gross. 3) Do I even respond to the email(s) from the seller. I feel bad for her. My shoes were supposed to go to someone else. I can't even wear them, they are the wrong size. But everytime another unread email shows up my stomach clenches.<br />
<br />
And the thing is, these shoes are not at all important. I don't actually give a fuck. I am freaked out because I am taking home less money than I was a year ago thanks to increased health insurance costs plus the unreimbursed expenses of working from home that I didn't have when I worked in the office. And of course while trying to figure out how to deal with this, I stopped receiving child support. Again. Fucking fuck that fucking fucker. Kid's deadbeat dad is the original shit monster. <br />
<br />
So the overwhelming non-decision about what to do about the shoes is just the result of the real freak out. I paid rent yesterday. My paycheck alone wasn't enough to cover the whole amount. So I cleaned out the remaining balance of my savings account. Rent paid, but electric, food, and internet (which I have to pay for because of work) are going to have to wait till the 20th. I have no idea how we are going to get though the next 6 months. I would ask for a raise, but that keeps getting put off because of outside things like the company being sold or the boss being on maternity leave or the client being a big tantrum throwing baby.I'd look for a new job, but my stupid broken body won't be able to make the daily slog up the huge hill to the bus stop to go to a new job. So I am waiting, and trying to figure out how the ever loving fuck we are gonna make it until next Spring, when I can dump my tax return into my savings account (again) and have a little cushion.<br />
<br />
And from my neighbors, I hear the same thing. Which food bank is the good food bank and who can drive to get there. Who hasn't paid rent and is waiting for the 3 day notice to be stuck to their door. You all know all this. You've heard it or said it yourselves.<br />
<br />
Which is maybe why it is so hard for people to give up legacy politics. It's a relatively easy decision. Elephant or donkey? Shit sandwich, shit sandwich with pickle. A tiny decision, built up to be some grand action of self-determination. I choose who has power over me! And my choice it right and yours is wrong and (fingers in ears) "lallallallallallalllalla I CAN'T HEAR YOU".<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-7433601612709318372012-09-11T00:41:00.000-04:002012-09-11T00:41:49.211-04:00This is not my idea of fun. So the bloggy blog is a little different. Echo, which used to be JS-Kit which used to be Haloscan is going away in a few weeks. I thought of just shutting the whole thing down rather than deal with (AGAIN) changing commenting platforms and importing and blah blah blah.<br />
<br />
But even though I can barely be assed to write something once a week, I am not totally ready to give up on Blogger just yet. If Tumblr ever makes it so I can import this whole thing over there- IT'S ON!<br />
<br />
Right now I am waiting to see if Discuss imports all the old comments. And if Discus installed comments on Tumblr. If you all haven't visited me over there, where I am ALL the FUCKING TIME, I have now installed comments*. So even if you aren't a hipster with Tumblr full of dubstep remixes (or one of the cool kids like Vest Left, the blogger formerly known as Montag, and BLCKDGRD) you can still comment on my ridiculousness over there. And it's ridiculous. I have an unabashed love for Avengers fan art. <br />
<br />
*As I was typing this sentence, old friend o' the blog tested and YES comments work at Tumblr but you can't see the option for the dash. You have to go to the actual page to see them. The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-5870878479787367792012-09-10T02:55:00.003-04:002012-09-10T02:55:58.375-04:00Awesome things said at dinnerSo I have this old friend. This awesome old friend. And during the 2008 elections we had some very heated debates. I've mellowed. I am all honey badger about the current election. I can't believe I ever spent so much emotional energy on a party as shit-tay as the Democrats. I am now mostly a nod and change the subject type when it comes to what flavor of shit sandwich people are gonna swallow come November. At least in person. I have a lot of old friends and I don't want to waste any time that could be spent discussing Dr. Who or "How the fuckity fuck does Pandora decide Outkast belongs on my playlist with The Pixies?" rather than discussing shit sandwich vs. shit sandwich with pickle.
But still, the shit sandwich finds it's way into discussions, because it's that time. Not all of these were said by old friend, but he and I are both voting Green. (Lots of paraphrasing. I made fried chicken and drank whiskey. DO YOU KNOW HOW LABOR INTENSIVE FRIED CHICKEN IS?"
"Hey remember when the Dems wanted to repeal the Patriot act?"
"Remember when they cared about habeus corpus?"
"I love the part of the platform that says abortion is between a woman and local control of her uterus, her husband, doctor, clergy".
"It's all about eliminating the middle class. It's a question of if you want lube with it. I vote for Democrats cause I am trying to slow the process"
(me- in response to the above) "I vote 3rd party to speed up people's recognition of how fucked we are".
I love my friends. We don't all agree at the same time on the same things. But Obots they are not.
The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-57744583084339078692012-08-31T02:30:00.000-04:002012-08-31T02:30:00.528-04:00Word for the day- dizzlingCourtesy of the ever lovely T.O.E. comes the word dizzling. Apparently it was a misstatement by one of her Frenchie Friends.
So we put out heads together over chat, because dizzling is too perfect of a word to not have a definition. And we decided that there are not enough Lady-Only words for masturbation. But now add one more to the list.
Here's some sentences to try out for yourself.
I needs double A batteries from the store. My rabbit is dead and I
need it for dizzling.
He was way too quick, so I dizzled myself to sleep.
Alright kids, try some yourself. And remember to make dizzle happen (both figuratively and literally.)The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-2527407176071491982012-08-26T19:58:00.000-04:002012-08-26T19:58:59.032-04:00Vote 4 Bullies, Or Other Bullies Will Take Your Lunch Money! It's that shitty season when people of supposedly democratic leanings get on the "IF YOU DON'T VOTE FOR LESS EVIL YOU CAN'T COMPLAIN ABOUT EVIL" kick, and don't even see the cognitive dissonance in their commandments. <br />
<br />
4 years ago I got it from both sides, Democrats who were all "VOTE FOR OBAMA OR WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! PALIN IS SLUTTY STUPID HEAD! VOTE FOR OBAMA OR ELSE!" And of course there were the PUMAS "VOTE FOR MCCAIN-PALIN! YOU MUST VOTE FOR ANY WOMAN BECAUSE VAGINA!"<br />
<br />
Neither party had earned my vote. I voted, instead, for the only candidate that had my own interests at heart. Cynthia McKinney. I don't regret it, not for second. <br />
<br />
And now, Obama still hasn't earned my vote. Lilly Ledbetter is not enough to earn my vote. The Insurance lobby give away that is the Affordable (ha) Care Act is CERTAINLY not enough. The fact that Obama grew a set of ovaries regarding "legitimate rape" is not enough from the man who let the abortion conversation get pushed so far to the right that someone fighting for rape and incest exceptions looks positively Rooseveltian in comparison to the shitmonsters on the far right. <br />
<br />
Not even the dude and I having the same "if I had a superpower" wish is enough.<br />
<br />
I cannot overlook drones. I cannot overlook a president, who in the midst of the biggest financial catastrophe since The Great Depression, can't bring himself to utter the words "poor" or "poverty" in his State of the Union speeches. I can't overlook a president who let the austerity alligators decide the terms of our becoming their dinner. <br />
<br />
The Dems haven't regained my trust since the last election. In fact, they've reinforced the knowledge that I do not matter to them. My kid doesn't matter to them. My friends, neighbors and community don't matter to them. Except at election time, and then it's all "OMG IF YOU DON'T VOTE FOR THE PEOPLE WHO JUST IGNORE YOUR EXISTENCE THEN YOU'LL BE RULED BY MEN WHO ACTUALLY HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!"<br />
<br />
Maybe that's true. I can live with it, because I do not vote against my own self-interest. I do not give my stamp of legitimacy to those who don't care if I live or die. Obama hasn't earned my vote. The Democratic party hasn't earned my vote. In other words, they just haven't earned it yet, baby. <br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Bf1g00qbv10" width="420"></iframe>
<br />
<br />
Now you might notice something about all those paragraphs above. Not one sentence is a "YOU MUST" sentence. I use my words. I use my "I" statements. Those are my feelings about my little vote. I got a lot of sheepish "I know he's a douche but I think I have to vote for Obama" statements from friends last election. And not one single one of them got a "FUCK YOU! YOU HAVE CAUSED THE DOWNFALL OF SOCIETY WITH YOUR VOTE" from me. Because it's your mother-fucking vote. Vote your interests. Maybe you are ok with Obama. Maybe you are just afeared of a Romney presidency. I don't know why you vote the way you do. I don't care. It's your vote. You do you. <br /><br />But if you go around telling people that they must "VOTE FOR LESS EVIL BECAUSE IT'S STILL LESS EVIL" I am going to call you a bullying shitmonster to your face. Because you are. You can list in bullet points why you are voting Team Less Evil! But you don't get to tell someone else what their own best interests are and how they MUST VOTE OR OMFG WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE IN A FIERY REPUBLICAN RAPTURE!!!!!!!The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-7923681845224849502012-08-20T03:37:00.000-04:002012-08-20T03:37:40.900-04:00Don't Let Them Play StupidSo you all have probably heard about the shitmonster Rethuglican, Sentator Todd Akin, who said that victims of "legitimate rape" don't get pregnant. As if our bodies have a magical defensive mechanism for blocking rapey sperm.<br />
<br />
And a lot of the reaction to this ludicrous assault on women has been to treat the man as if he is stupid. Actually that is the first response of left-leaning folks when the right says yet another outlandish thing. Think of how Bush Jr. was talked about. <br /><br />That's a mistake. Treating the racists, the homophobes, the misogynists, etc. as if they are uniformed rubes. They aren't. What they are is liars. And that is how they should be treated. Stupid can be accidental. Stupid can be fixed with better knowledge. These people, who hate with every fiber of their being aren't stupid. They are lying. They know better, but knowing better doesn't get them what they want. What they want is to remain firmly entrenched at the top of the pyramid.<br />
<br />
We need to call them on their bullshit. We need to stop letting them control the debate with these ridiculous claims that have no basis in fact. We need to stop giving them the benefit of the doubt and treating them like the whole difference of opinion is because they lack knowledge. They know the truth. They live in the world, same as we do. But the truth doesn't get them what they want.<br />
<br />
So this is the comment I left on Akin's Facebook page:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text">I can't believe you are
actually as stupid as you pretend to be about biology. No one believes
women have magical anti-pregnancy defenses against rapists. So you must
be liar. A woman-hating, pro-rapist liar.</span></blockquote>
<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text">No more arguing. No more debate. No more letting liars and shitmonsters* control the agenda with their lies. It works with women-hating, pro-rape liars. It works with climate change deniers. It works with "MEN WILL MARRY THEIR DOGS" homophobes. It works with the assholes who try to create Trans* panic by screaming about "OMG WHAT IF A TRANS LADY USES THE WOMEN'S BATHROOM". It works with the douchenoodles who are all "POOR PEOPLE AREN'T REALLY POOR CAUSE THEY HAVE CELL PHONES". </span><br />
<br />
<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text">They are liars. Straight up. And they shouldn't be allowed to get away with it for one second longer. They deserve our disdain. They deserve to be called a liar straight to their lying faces. They deserve to be held accountable for the mountains of shit and grief and pain they cause. </span><br />
<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text"><br /></span>
<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text">*FYI shitmonsters is my new favorite insult. Collecting insults has long been on of my favorite pastimes. </span><br />
The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-51685768967419204062012-08-08T03:00:00.002-04:002012-08-08T03:00:43.314-04:00What Would You Do If You Got $6500 For Every Person In Your HouseholdThat's how much <a href="http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2012/08/07/the-only-thing-that-can-save-capitalism-modern-debt-jubilee">money the Banksters are getting from qualitative easing</a>. Enough for every single man, woman, and child would get if we had the same access to government money as the crooks and thieves in the tacky suits.<br />
<br />
That's enough money to pay my rent, electricity, internet, and cell phone bill for an entire year.<br />
<br />
Or enough to finish all of the Kid's dental work (one more root canal and crown. 2 wisdom teeth extractions) except for orthodontia for his "vampire tooth" and make a reasonable start on my own dental needs. (I need multiple root canals/crowns, extractions and implants).Plus pay a lingering bill for my IUD (GAH IF ONLY I COULD HAVE WAITED 6 MONTHS I WOULD NOT HAVE THIS BILL). <br />
<br />
Or enough to......?<br />
<br />
If you put money into the hands of people who are desperate to spend it, you get the economy going. My landlord would benefit. So would Comcast, Tmobile and Seattle City Light. Or the small business that is my dentist would profit. Etc, etc. <br /><br />But giving debt relief to the banksters only, that tiny one percent of one percent, will never work as an anti-depressant. They simply don't have the purchasing power (or purchasing need) of the hundreds of millions of us who don't belong at the top of the pyramid. <br />
<br />The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-61933560275247579372012-08-02T01:50:00.000-04:002012-08-02T01:50:44.745-04:00Funny Things That Happen When Race Controls Your AssumptionsThis post is probably not going to reflect well on me. But fuck it. We all gotta admit that we're all a little (lot) racist sometimes.<br />
<br />
So there is this family that lives in my building. Young (early 20's ish) couple and the lady-half of the couple's dad or grandfather. (He's old enough to be my dad, she's maybe 5 years older than the kid). They are Asian, and from my limited knowledge I guessed they were Korean. I think it's cause they are all super tall and for some reason all the Korean people I have met have been super tall. Grandpa paces around the courtyard everynight having deep discussions on his cell phone in a language that isn't English. It didn't sound like it was Korean (or Mandarin or Cantonese or Japanese) either. It sounded kinda like Russian, from the snippets I caught. I've been trying to figure what the hell language it is for over a year.<br />
<br />
Now it is certainly not impossible for a person of Asian ancestry to speak Russian. Russians be conquering just like lots of other countries and they are sharing the same continent, after all. But it just sounded kinda Russian. <br />
<br />
Tonight, Dude and Lady were standing outside the back gate that I have to walk through to sacrifice my lungs to the nicotine beast for the sake of humanity. (Seriously, I smoke to save your life, and yours and yours and yours, from the ravaging nico-beast). I finally caught enough of a conversation to know definitively what language they are speaking. Portuguese. Brazilian Portuguese, I think. Same unfamiliar vowels as Russian but will all the fun that is a Romance language. <br />
<br />
I have lived here for over a year. The fucked up thing that categorizing people by race first means that my tiny brain could not conceive of Asian people speaking, as their native language, something that was from the Americas and wasn't English. Even though there is a HUGE population of Asian people in the Americas. Even though Peru had a Japanese-Peruvian president. Even though (until Friday) I worked just a block away from the International District (aka Chinatown, which is wrong because most of the people in the neighborhood were Japanese or Korean and not Chinese). Racism makes us stupid. It makes us limited in understanding people as they actually are because we are wrapped up in the narrow vision of humanity that racism creates. <br />
<br />The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-49622484162028760412012-07-19T02:43:00.000-04:002012-07-19T02:43:29.131-04:00Echo SUX BALSAC!So the little commenting platform that I've used for ages is going away in October. In the mean time, they've stopped all support for it.
Apologies in retrospect and in advance. It's now eating comments. I am not getting notified if someone leaves a comment. It just crapola on toast.
So if you leave a comment and it doesn't show up- it's Echo (unless you're an asshole who's been blocked. And if you are an asshole, you already know you're blocked.) If you leave a comment and I don't respond, it's because Echo didn't tell me and I am way too lazy to check the actual front blog page thingy on the regular.
I don't know if I'll keep bloggering come October. I may just pack up shop and move to Tumblr, since I am reblogging shit over there ALL DAY LONG. There are Tumbrl templates that allow Discus as a commenting platform. But that's a few months from now.
So there's all that. What's new with y'all? Whatcha doing, reading, watching?The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-37591673410373448132012-07-19T02:00:00.001-04:002012-07-19T02:00:11.295-04:00Everything Old Is New Again!Ok peeps. Here's a little quiz. Guess what this slightly redacted quote is referring to:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Republicans are
typically cast as the bad guys in this narrative because, well, that’s
how they cast themselves. They decided to be the zealots opposed to any
and all forms of REDACTED. In their bizarro world, that made
them the good guys: They were the noble defenders of private property
rights against “big government” encroachment (i.e, the extension of REDACTED). .... Republicans attached a series of amendments
to the bill that rendered it impotent, incapable of forcing the issue
of REDACTED.</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<em></em>
<br />
<em>And the Democrats let them</em>. Got right on board with it.
Voted it through, and declared the REDACTED a triumph. Because
it was more important for liberals to have an expedient, symbolic
victory than to pass a bill that actually protected REDACTED. </blockquote>
Sounds a little like RObamney Care, right?<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/culturebox/2012/07/dear_hbo_please_make_a_tv_series_about_race_and_integration_.html">Actually it's about the passage of the Fair Housing Act in 1968.</a> Also I WOULD WATCH THE FUCK OUT OF THIS SHOW. Make it happen HBO. <br />
<br />
So how have we fared 44 years on from Fair Housing. Non-Whites can now own houses, but are more likely to have been pushed into bad loans even if they had the credit for better ones. Gentrification is pushing poor people further away from jobs and resources and reasonable public transit. Detroit happened. And Seattle manages to have one of the most racially diverse neighborhoods in the country, but since they're building light rail down there, the rents are pricing out the working class people who live there. <br />
<br />
Also it's telling that I used the phrase "down there". In Seattle, north of downtown is pretty pasty. South of downtown is pretty tan. Defacto segregation, but it's cool cause it's more about income disparity than race (as if the two aren't related). <br />
<br />
In 40 years, what is healthcare going to look like? Will we be taking on intergenerational loans to cover our government mandated premiums order to get paid to private insurance companies? <br />The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-67384526839003385482012-07-12T23:27:00.002-04:002012-07-12T23:31:35.108-04:00Confederate Flags and Rape JokesI'm sure y'all have heard the internet brouhaha about douchebag Tosh and his army of rape apologists getting their cranky on because people have (rightly) called them out on their shit.<br />
<br />
And a ton has been written about how to tell a<a href="http://youtu.be/R8FfFwtL91Q"> rape joke that is actually funny</a> (prolly NSFW link unless you have headphones) instead of gross and played out and gross. And BORING. Seriously, like in the course of a few thousand years of misogyny do you really think there is some new, fresh take on "and then she didn't want to have sex with me so I raped her" jokes. <br />
<br />
And pleas have been made to think of the huge numbers of victims out there that are gonna get smacked in the face with horror just so you can have a laugh. "Get over it, it's just a joke ladies, hahahhahhaa." If these shitfaces had an ounce of human compassion we wouldn't have to explain why that shit is damaging and hurtful. <br />
<br />
These are solid points. Yay for other people making them. But none of that is gonna get the apologists to change their minds and suddenly give us hope for humanity. I mean, come on. These are apologists for rapists.<br />
<br />
And it all reminds me of the douchecanoes who like to wear Confederate flag t-shirts because "It's part of my heritage" and by heritage they mean they wish they owned a big old plantation where they could beat the hell out of black folks just like Great Grandaddy did. They are racists, of that there is no doubt. And they are upset that they are getting called out for being racists. They are defending slavery and bigotry as a piece of their heritage. They want to be on the LOSING SIDE OF HISTORY and not be given shit for it.<br />
<br />
And the "It's just a joke. It's comedy" folks are rape apologists on the LOSING SIDE OF HISTORY. They are defending rapists in the name of humor. And I pretty much assume that any dude who defends rape jokes is just like that guy who defends the wrong flag. He's the guy who wishes he could just rape the bitches whenever he wants, but us humorless feminists keep him from doing just that because of misandry. (Nope, that sentence doesn't make sense. Misogyny, like racism, is ridiculous and doesn't make sense.)<br />
<br />
So fuck 'em. We know the flag-wavers are racist. We know the joke-defenders are misogynistic rape apologists. (And as I said on ye old twitter yesterday- it's obvious the douchebags know rape isn't a joke when it's their go to retaliation threat. ) If they want to spend their brainspace trying come up with Every. Single. Damn. Excuse in the motherfucking book to contort the fact that they side with the rapists, then whoopee for them. Exactly zero fucks will be given by me. Because they have chosen the wrong side, I don't have to give them any benefit of the doubt.<br />
<br />
When you defend the Confederate flag as a symbol of your heritage, you're defending racism. Full stop.<br />
When you defend rape jokes as edgy, free-speech humor, you're defending rapists. Full stop. It doesn't matter why you're defending it. Unless someone is holding a literal gun to your head forcing you to laugh at old Andrew Dice Clay routines while wrapped in a collectible Southern Cross fleece throw, your reasons don't mean shit. <br />
<br />
Make all the excuses that you want. Twist yourself into a pretzel trying to find some once of logic in your reasoning. You've shown me who you are and who you are is a giant fucking LOSER. But don't worry, there are a lot of losers in the world. You won't be lonely, but you'll still be gross. AND BORING. DON'T FORGET HOW FUCKING BORING. <br />
<br />
<br />The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-21486616671846108532012-07-10T21:45:00.001-04:002012-07-10T21:45:59.869-04:00Oh honey, no.Don't you just love precocious, privileged 22 year olds with the luck of a lottery winner who have <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/taylor-cotter/struggling-yet-not-struggling_b_1661698.html">GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT!</a><br />
<br />
Yeah me neither. <br />
<br />
Oh honey, no you don't have a fabulous life because you did everything right and everyone else didn't.<a href="http://butidideverythingrightorsoithought.blogspot.com/"> Cause trust, that ain't even it. </a><br />
<br />
And you've been working how long now? I was pretty sure that it was my killer work ethic, mad organizational skills, smarter than the average cookieness that lead to a rapidly increasing paycheck until I hit 25 and got laid off for the first and only time. I still, 12 years later, haven't recovered from that financially even though I have continued expanding my skill set and responsibility levels since then. <br />
<br />
But you are a special snowflake who will beat the odds of everyone around you, I am sure. Just don't look too hard in the mirror or your unshakeable faith that you are where you are because your deserve it more than someone else might crack a little. I mean, of course you went to a private university with tuition that is almost $40k a year all on your own merit. I am sure that poor kids, like say my kid, will have all the same opportunities that you did if they work just as hard. Oh wait, no they won't. My kid will be starting at a community college. He won't be able to do the unpaid internships that you did to bulk up your resume because he will have to work a minimum wage job somewhere to help pay the $3500 a year tuition at the CC plus books and transportation.<br />
<br />
Kid also wants to be a writer, btw. My advice is "Get a degree in anything else. Anything that will pay the bills. You've seen how little money writers make. Get a degree in something that will pay the bills and write at night."<br />
<br />
Now I am not cruel, Special Little Snowflake. I don't wish bad things on you because you are ridiculously lucky and privileged and sound a wee bit like a Jr. Randian (and 22 is way too old to be a Jr. Randian. Anyone who sounds Randian after the age of 15 is kind of a stupid and immature shithead). I save that kind of hate for the Gwyneth Paltrow's of the world. But let's be realistic. There is a pretty good chance that you are going to fall on your face. Maybe not now. Maybe not at 25( when I did.). But the economy being what it is and employers being what they are (stingy, even the best ones, and more mindful of the bottom line than of Special Snowflakeness) you are probably going to suffer at some point. So I wouldn't go all bellybutton gazing at your "lack of struggle". It will happen. In the mean time, you should meditate on the words hubris, privilege, comeuppance. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-45886464975811787442012-06-30T21:00:00.001-04:002012-06-30T21:02:18.796-04:00There's a hot rock of fear where my belly used to beI had forgotten about the hot rock of worry. It's amazing, really, that it had gone away at all. But having enough money to provide the basics of a life is probably the single best form of therapy there is for those of us at the very bottom.
And then last week it was back. BAM! Right in the gut. If I believed in gods, I would say they were laughing at me for writing about how I was lucky. BAM! No luck for you.<br />
<br />
The company I work for has been sold. My awesome boss, who is a fierce advocate for those she bosses, is going on maternity leave next week. Most of the company has already been moved to a new office, a very long and multiple busses ride away. There's 4 or 5 of us left in the old office and we don't know what will happen to us. Will we be turned into contractors and loose our benefits? Will we be sent to a new office? Will we just loose our jobs? No one knows. And the person best able to fight for us won't be there because she has, admittedly bigger and more important, things to do.<br />
<br />
I priced what getting health insurance from the state's high risk pool would cost me, since I 1) won't be able to afford individual insurance and 2)make too much money either as a contractor or on unemployment to qualify for Medicaid and 3)Have enough pre-existing conditions to sink any health insurance application. It would cost me more that I would get on unemployment. So would Cobra, if I was laid off.
But I am in this horrid hamster wheel of awful- I have to work so I have health insurance so I can work so I have health insurance and on and on and on.<br />
<br />
The good new is that if I do lose it all, the drugs I need to function will run me about $150 a month. Getting a new prescription would be very difficult, as my doctor's office requires a large deposit for cash patients. And if (when) my current meds stop working I won't have any real way of fixing that. But I'll be able to eek it out for a very short while. And most of Kid's most pressing dental stuff has been handled. He still needs one more crown and 2 wisdom teeth extracted. But I have already run out of money for those things this year. All his other teeth are cleaned and filled and so on.<br />
<br />
What really sucks is having exactly no control over this. Short of updating my resume (done, the night I found out actually) and daily scanning of the Craigslist job section, I have no control in this situation.
But it could be worse. You all, if you've a few bucks to share, <a href="http://sashasaid.wordpress.com/">should send it to Sasha </a>. I've been close to that desperate a time or two (or 12). I've been lucky to have found some other way to stave off the desperation just one more day, and one more day after that. I am sure the hot rock of fear is in her belly too.The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-47524562600178811462012-06-26T03:00:00.001-04:002012-06-26T03:00:06.508-04:00Innocent Until Proven Guilty is a Privilege, Not a RightSo you all heard the the Supreme Court (of Douchebags) upheld the "Papers Please" section of Arizona's anti-brown people law, right?<br />
<br />
This and the drug testing of welfare recipients should be a slam dunk "uh uh, no fucking way, turn around and refund the dollars you used to take this to the court to the tax payers because it violates one of the most fundamental tenets of the Constitution" no go. It violates the idea that a person is innocent until proven guilty. But only for some people. My pale faced, blue eyed boy child would never be asked to prove he belongs in this country. Me, my black hair and eyes, olive skin and being just "exotic" looking enough to get asked the shitty "what are you?" question won't be stepping foot in Arizona anytime soon. Also, Kid's dad, an actual drug addict but a white dude, would never have to walk into a welfare office and piss in a cup to feed his kids (that is, if he was concerned at all about feeding his kids. Which 17 years of experience tells me otherwise).<br />
<br />
How does it violate that whole innocent until proven guilty thing? It requires people, who the government has no proof other then being poor or brown, to prove they aren't a criminal (this is leaving aside the whole racist idea that a persons mere existence is a crime depending on what side of an arbitrary line they are standing on) instead of making the government prove that a crime has taken place. Guilty until you prove you're not. Until you pee in this cup and it comes back clean, you are a drug user who doesn't deserve the same access to government programs that a middle class home owner taking the mortgage exemption on their taxes does. Guilty until you prove that you're not of not being a "real Amurikan" unlike, say Sheriff Joe "Don't hate me cause I get paid to be a racist by the state" Arpaio who looks like he keeps his skin so milky by wearing what my friend calls the KKK Snuggie (Thanks Anthony!) <br />
<br />
While we're on this whole guilty until your not kick, let's not forget to mention New York's stop frisk. It's just for black and brown folks, according to the numbers. It doesn't actually do much of what it's stated purpose is, namely checking for weapons. I think the last number I read on it (and forgive me, I can't remember where I read it) was that it takes some thing like 3000 stop and frisks to produce one weapon and something like 85% of those are non-white people getting touched by the slimy hands of New York's finest. But if you are black or brown, you don't get to say "Fuck you, you ain't got no probable cause. I'm going home" cause you've just given the cops probable cause with the trying to leave schtick. <br />
<br />
Now while I'm telling you all this, remember that crime rates have been dropping since the 70s. We have fewer crimes being committed while at the same time our prison rates have ballooned faster than the interest rate on an ARM. If people are committing fewer crimes, where the fuckity fuck is the prison population coming from? Mandatory drug testing? Stop and frisks? Papers Please? These are the newer laws but think about people in some states who get sent to jail for driving without insurance. GA, if I remember correctly, will put out an arrest warrant if they get a letter from your insurance company saying your coverage has been cancelled. You don't get notified of the warrant. Maybe you just switched policies because you like the Geico lizard. Won't know about the warrant until you get pulled over for speeding and WHAMO jail for you.<br />
<br />
Innocent until proven guilty is not a reality for large swaths of the people in this country. It's a privilege. If you think otherwise, you probably haven't been stopped for driving while black. <br />
<br />The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23246936.post-8846016854269965112012-06-20T04:12:00.001-04:002012-06-20T04:12:37.028-04:00Household BudgetingKid and I are dramatically better off now than we were a year ago, 2 years ago, 5 years ago. But that doesn't mean we've joined the ranks of the middling middles. This is what the budget of a super thrifty, lucky small family looks like.<br />
<br />
I make almost 200% of the <a href="http://aspe.hhs.gov/poverty/12poverty.shtml">2012 poverty guidelines </a>before taxes, etc. Of course Seattle is a bit more expensive than some small town in a red state. I do not make what is considered to be <a href="http://livingwage.mit.edu/places/5303363000">a living wage in Washington state</a>. <br />
<br />
My largest monthly expense is rent. I live in what would be called a rent stabilized building, so I actually pay about what is calculated <a href="http://livingwage.mit.edu/places/5303363000">in that chart</a> for a 2 bedroom apartment. I've been doing some searching for a friend who is looking for a place and I am seeing rents nearly double what I pay for a 2 bedroom. Rooms in shared housing go for what I pay in rent. The trade off is that we have tiny tiny bedrooms and my laundry gets swiped out of the laundry room pretty frequently. I pay about 38% of my income in housing.<br />
<br />
The next biggest expense I have is healthcare. I have awesome healthcare. It covers damn near everything. But it ain't cheap. My employer pays the entire premium cost for me (about $1200 per month) but I pay to have the Kid on the plan. ($440 per month). Then there's prescriptions, co-pays, deductibles, co-insurance, etc. All in all I pay about $650 a month, or about 27% of my income. <br />
<br />
That's 65% of my total gross income.<br />
<br />
The next biggest expense is food. I have a teenage boy. In my best budgeting months, I spend about $500 on groceries. When I am less careful and we eat takeout, I spend more. But we'll pretend I am a perfect human being who never screws up the budget by ordering takeout 3 nights in a row. So let's call food 20% of the budget.<br />
<br />
Taxes are another 10%.<br />
<br />
Transportation is about 4%. So is my cell phone. Kid's cell phone and home internet are about 3%.<br />
<br />
That's 106%.<br />
<br />
It is only possible for us to live IF I get child support. That's where the extra 6% plus clothes, entertainment, etc. comes from. And in the months that we don't get child support, the tiny savings account I funded with my tax return gets hit. It's only June and I've already blown through 3/4s of it. <br />
<br />
But I'm lucky. I have a full time job with benefits. I live in affordable housing. I have a cheap, short commute on public transportation so I don't need a car. I have a boyfriend who doesn't mind that I pay what I can when we go out (which isn't much. Our last trip to Canada cost me $30) so I am not devoid of joy and fun.<br />
<br />
But I'll never be able to retire, or move, or help the Kid pay for college. Or get him the braces he desperately needs, or fix my own teeth. <br />
<br />
I live in fear of premium increases, rent increases, cost of food going up, unemployment, loss of health insurance, working until I die at my desk. <br />
<br />
If my wages kept up with productivity, I'd be making over 50k. If I got a living wage, I wouldn't have to blow through my savings when child support didn't come. I might even be able to increase my savings account balance. If there was a living wage law and I got paid at the same percentage above minimum wage that I get now, I'd make $52,000 a year. That's retirement/braces/savings account/ college/ etc.<br />
<br />
That's where it all goes, and that what is missing. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />The Red Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878357454951384602noreply@blogger.com0