Friday, November 25, 2011

I promised someone a funny Thanksgiving post

So after the kitchen was destroyed and everyone was lounging with full bellies and much booze, the cheesy movie marathon started. First we watched the Thanksgiving classic, Cannibal the Musical. Nothing like cannibalism as portrayed by the South park dudes to cap off a night ritual animal slaughter plus pie.

Then we watched this bit of awesome and awful. They broke the budget on lame (that's la- may, not lame) fabric in this film. This film was steam punk and tricked out mopeds before hipsters were born.

The end of the movie even includes a timely hippies in the park, police with riot gear sequence to remind us all that protesting and anti-protesting are timeless. Plus the whole movie made in 1980 about the wild future of 1994 being watched in 2011 gave me the chance to whip out my Werner Herzog impression "Are we looking at the past looking the future that is really our past?"

Now excuse me while I go nurse my hangover with turkey and pie.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thanksgiving Day Massacre

Well that explains Tuesday's rage-a-thon. Motherfucking communist invasion fuckers. On a day where I cannot possible spend my time curled up in a moaning ball of pain clutching a hot water bottle and keeping multiple layers of towels between me and all upholstered furniture. No, I have to go cook a fucking turkey.

And the birth control pills that are supposed to regulate this shit- not working. Pre-pills I did not get all PMS ragey. I maybe cried over a sappy commercial. So far the only BC benefit I get is actual birth control. I also get pimples, ragies, seriously lowered libido, and periods that are no shorter (7 days) or lighter, or more scheduled, than pre- pills. Plus I still get the cramping, nausea, and fevers that my fucking period brings.

This is going to suck.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

I am, obviously

in a foul fucking mood.

Enjoy some fucking Elliot Smith. This is expert level pissed-offed-ness.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

It's a Question of Trust

The other day on ye old book of the face, I had a conversation with an old Elizabitchez commenter from the way back about the Occupy Movement's little racism/sexism problem (also ableism is a huge issue, but that wasn't a specific part of the convo). Since I haven't gotten said commenter's permission to post hir part of the back and forth, I'm just gonna quote myself.

"Well hell, if I had to face racism and sexism along with the possibility of getting arrested, I'd just stay home and read a book. Wait, that might be mostly what I've done".

Cut to today and I find this link via Shakesville.


Some of us have been putting up with a rigged system since birth. Some of us have been fighting that rigged system since we first learned to say "But it's not fair!" while stomping our tiny feet. Some of us have been writing, screaming, arguing, losing friends over and making family dinners uncomfortable since FOR FRICKEN EVER talking about politicians who just don't give a flying fuck and two Americas and and and. And a some of us knew Chicagoan now President Obama was a shitface long before you cast your stupid ballots for hope and change in 2008.


And now you want us to join you. Us, the always poor, the female, the brown and the black, the disabled, to join you.

We've heard that schtick before and we don't buy it anymore. You want our labor for your revolution, but you ain't gonna get it till you've shown you're trust worthy. Are you the same douchenoodles who, during the 2008 primaries, made rape threats when we said "Hey 99 problems but a bitch ain't one is a sexist dogwhistle" (not even a dogwhistle- pretty blatant sexism actually) or pointed out that y'all only seem to give a shit about reproductive rights when your beating us over the head with the idea that "Republicans are worse"? Why yes, you are. Fuck you. We're not coming to you damn revolution until we can trust you. And so far, we can't.

You wanna do something revolutionary? How about you throw out a little bone to us ladies (no not that kind of bone. Zip your pants up. This is what I mean by bullshit.) and perhaps make Obama's little come together meeting with the Catholic Fucknuggets, I mean Bishops, over the right to deny women birth control a tiny part of your protesting. Or you know, don't. I don't expect you all to pull your head out of your ass, to be honest. I've seen this shit too many times and I am really fucking tired of being right about it. I just don't trust you, Occupy, to give a flying fuck about anyone who isn't (formerly) middle-class, white, and male.

Inappropriate Conversations with Children- for when you can't be ass to write a real post

Me:Did you take your medicine?


Me: All the doses at all the times

Kid: (making growling teenage face) Yes mother

Me: Cause if you don't take it all you could get an infection and then DIE

Kid: Yes mother

Me: And then I would have to kill myself so I can follow you into the afterlife and nag at you "See what happens when you don't take drugs!!!!" (FYI, the afterlife has extra punctuation to spare. So I used a could extra exclamation points).

Kid: changing the subject, put on sweet voice "Would you like me to get you some soda?"

Me: Yes please (makes shift eyes around the room. Where is his bottle of antibiotics? hmmmmmmmmmm)