Thursday, December 04, 2008

Reality crashes head on into the internet

Ouyang Dan asked me today if I ever imagine the voices of of bloggers while I read them. Sometimes I do, if they have a particularly strong and personal writing style, but not always.

It turns out OD does hear voices (hahahaha) and that my writing voice is very stern and serious.


In real life- I sound like Minnie Mouse on crack. Or at least I think so. I spent years as a wee girl in speech therapy because i was so nervous when speaking that my voice would squeak and they were afraid I'd break a vocal cord if I kept talking that high. I'm not, by any means, a nervous speaker now, but my voice still sounds like a little girl's. Which is one of the reasons for the smoking and drinking, I'm trying to get a boozey, raspy, grown up sound to my voice.

So peeps- what about you would shock us on the internet?

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

You've prolly already seen it

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

But I love Alison Janey as a sodomizing prop 8 proponent! And The Kid looks like a miniature Jack Black.

Not. Here. For. Your. Viewing. Pleasure!

A letter sent to Dan Savage at the Stranger (yes- Savage is a doochenozzle):

I was wondering if you or any of your readers could exaplin why so many women are so defensive with compliments.

I've on several occasions been at the store and have seen some very nice looking women of all size, shapes, color, age, I think you get what I'm so meaning, and I've said to them you have great hips, or other tastefully ways of complimenting them and it seems that a lot of them are offended by it. Now I'm a guy who really likes women, Period, I'm happily married 30 yrs. And my wife and I both flirt and expect it to go no further and if it is invited by the one flirted to we kindly decline as has happened only once to each of us and we flirt even when with each other. We mean no harm in this and we feel if someone is looking at the one your with they must be pretty good + you should be happy about it. We have often complimented the same sex as we are and see nothing wrong with it but it's all the same.

If anyone can answer this it would be appreciated. Enjoy your work.


Here's the thing Roy, women were not put on earth for you to oggle. Our sole reason for existence is not to be fucked. Actually, we spend a whole shitload of our lives doing other things.

So when you go out of your way to creepily leer at some woman and then get offended when she thinks you're a misogynistic asswipe for "complimenting" her by letting her know exactly which part of her body you are going to use for wank fodder later, you're the wrong one. Not the woman who is acting rationally to a strange dude turning her into body parts to rub one out to.

And this holds true to you fuckwads who think you are being friendly when you tell women you don't know to "smile". I have a very carefully crafted, stompy city girl walk and scowl that I do JUST so I don't accidentally encourage unwanted attention from every shitface on the street who wants to comment on my tits or ass. I am not smiling because I don't want you to think that I like you. It's a conscious thing, my not smiling.

I have never, not even once, gone out with, flirted with, or given my number to, a random wankstain who thought that "complimenting" me as a stranger was the way to my heart. I don't know any women who have. So let's end that little fallacy now. "Complimenting" strange women is viewed by most of us as the threatening behavior of a dude who wants to wear our skin later. So stop it.

Change you can dip your milquetoast in

Is this parochialism, this timorousness and lack of imagination, inevitable in a period like our own, when the unknown looms menacingly and one natural reaction is certainly to draw back, to find refuge in the familiar? Here, the New Deal years can be instructive.

Neo anythings have not yet proven themselves to be good. NeoCons are simply old Cons who want even less responsibility for the messes they create. NeoLibs are no better, having been slapped silly by the invisible hand of the market into believing in it's all powerful righteousness.

So why is Obama so keen on replaying old broken NeoLib records? If shock doctrine capitalism is really the most effective weapon of economic change, why can't we use NOW to New Deal ourselves into more stable and just future? Why are we going to go back to methods that have gotten us into this problem to begin with? Why is a man so determined to be audacious so timid when it comes to real audacity?

We need a New Deal. We need the income inequality between the vast numbers of us and the tiny numbers of them (with money & power) to be fixed. We need jobs. And healthcare. And education. And to fix the environment and the banking system and so much more.

So what's with the same old same old from the Obama camp? Why are we using some of the architects of the current crisis to fix the problems they created (and that many refuse to acknowledge were even problems to begin with).

Monday, December 01, 2008

How Bloggers Waste Time- Misandry Edition

me: I'm doing yoga on the lama's mat- whatcha gonna do about it

Ouyang: i'm gona send the walgreen's police to repo your plan b
whoa...the links are blue and you turned off comment mod?

me: yep
but I didn't know about the blue links

Ouyang: i think the already clicked ones...cuz i click all your links

me: awe
you lurve my links

Ouyang: wow...i left a link to a nikol hassler piece in that post of yours
but now i just found a screed about MTSS from a town hall site
it's terrible
it still refers to Jane fonda as "hanoi jane"

me: really- I need terrible to rage at today

go get 'em tiger!

Ouyang: vagina worshipping devils we all!

me: hell yes
my vag should be worshipped. I do kegels after all

Ouyang: me too!
shit...i am late for my twice daily abortion!

me: I got kung fu pussy grip baby
twice- shit I do it three times a day when I'm brushing my teeth
though it is getting harder to schedule around all the castration ceremonies

Ouyang: i know...such a tight schedule

me: it's like I don't have enough time for me anymore, what with the lesbian orgies and the domineering bitch classes

Ouyang: the castrations are just too much...must we keep doing them?

me: Until we can find a way to stop having boy babies, I fear they must continue

Ouyang: damn...someone get central and south asia on the line...i hear they got the ins on gender based infantcide

me: yes, but then you're just going to have Angelina Jolie types running around adopting white male babies to save them from their horrible fates.
And that totes ruins our plan of ending men forever

Ouyang: damn them
and their baby collecting obsessions

me: I know

Ouyang: well...i guess we can't win for trying
we will just have to keep selling misandry

me: We could abandon the castrating and just make them all slaves.
Think very Planet of the Apes men in lion clothes
not lion
that would be weird
I can just see a big hairy mane where thier package should be

Ouyang: i like where you are going w/ this

me: Yes

me: I'm thinking that since they are SOOOOO sure that men must do manly work, we should make them all shovel out sewers and work in slaughter houses. That should make them feel better
No prissy thinking jobs for them. That's women's work!

Ouyang: there ya go!

Dear Walgreens:

Please inform your pharmacists that they cannot make up laws to keep women from trying to buy Plan B from your stores.

I have been a long time Walgreens cutsomer. It's been at least 5 years since I've had a prescription filled anywhere else actually. And even though the asshole pharmacist was in Mississippi and I am in Washington (where, ftr, Hot Pharmacist has NEVER given me a hard time about picking up birth control, Plan B, or valium for that matter) I refuse to support companies that will not support my right to control my own body. Just ask Target how long it took for me to go back to shopping there after their own little birth control problems.

So Walgreens, you need to get on a writing up a national store policy on how to treat customers looking to buy Plan B (here's a hint, treat em just like customers trying to buy anything else) and bring the smack down on moralizing pharmacists who try to make up their own laws on waiting periods. Or I am done. I don't care how dark and luscious Hot Pharmacist is.