Dr. Misogyny

I know I shouldn’t watch the network news. It just pisses me off. And if you can’t tell, I’m in the mood to tear someone’s head off.

Today I was busily answering email with the 12:00 news on in the background. The newsreader (I refuse to call them reporters) started an interview with Dr. Misogyny on how to be a single parent. Some of his stuff was pretty basic: kids come first, don’t make any rash decisions, and have a support network. But then he went into how single mothers shouldn’t date- ever. He put on a shrill fake-girl voice (the one that only men use, real women never sound like that) “oh but I want a man to be there for my kids” (note- the quotes in this one are approximate since there is no posted transcript and I was too busy guffawing to type him word for word). Then he says something about having some class by picking up men in church rather than bars. But even that’s not good enough cause moms aren’t capable of choosing guys who are decent people.

I really hate it when fat, balding middle-aged men think they know what’s best for women. I also noticed that this guy never directed his advice towards single dads. Oh yeah- and let’s perpetuate the Madonna-Whore idea because women who have had children should never be sexual creatures again if their marriage fails. Things only go into the vagina until you’ve pushed something out of one.

No one thinks kids should have revolving daddies. But mothers teach their children nothing valuable by living like a sexual martyr after a failed relationship except that relationships fail and then your life stops being yours (if you’re a girl).

I don’t do that with The Kid. I have taught him that people date (including his mother) and that most of the time dating relationships don’t work forever but you enjoy the person’s company while they are there. And The Kid knows that no matter who mama is seeing, he’s always got me there for him. His ability to trust that I will always be there is unshakable because it’s true, not because all temptation to distract me from The Kid has been eliminated by not dating.

The best piece of advice I was ever given was shortly after I became a single mom. I was in that martyr stage and a single dad friend said “Nope- you gotta make sure you’re ok or The Kid never will be”. Part of my being ok is acting out those biological urges most of us have, getting to flirt and be charmed by cute boys, and getting to have that ping-pong zip of conversation with someone I’m attracted too. It makes me a lot less stressed out and a lot more fun as a mom. I don’t feel like I’m sacrificing my life for my kid. Because I am more than just his mom, he gets to have an example of a complete person as a role model, not just some patriarchal view of a “mother” who has blinders on to everything not child related.