Fursday Funny-Ness

Ok, so i'm apparently the last person on the internets to hear about lolcats.

Well, they're still funny.

Here's another site


Of course, I had to make some of my own! Courtesy of the Wonder family's waay tooo many cats, which make me lol on a daily basis

The Monkey is Home!

I know, as far as blog post go I have been lax, lax lax.

And until Fall Quarter starts in late September, you can bet your sweet ass that posting will continue to be lax. I am doing a full time temp gig that will take me right up to the first day of classes if all goes well. I am soooooo happy for the money (I make more temping in 2 days than I make in an entire week working as the unappreciated wal-mart style employee of a public community college) but it is a lifesucking, mind numbing, drain on my creative facilities to have to dress in grown-up clothes and shoes (ouch) everyday and be "professional".

Don't get me wrong, the people that I am temping with are awesome and had me laughing till tears came out the other day. I had to pull a Tammy Faye check and make sure my very grown-up mascara wasn't making a run for the border. I have a fish who lives on my desk that I sing to (any Red Dwarf fans would recognize the "I'm gonna getcha little fishy" song as Cat's favorite way to start a meal) but I do not have enough time to read, and without input my brain can't spit out any of the witty commentary that the few people who read this blog have come to expect. (For those of you searching for Nancy Pelosi's hot breasts or Miss Indiana Wet Panties, you probably weren't going to find what you were looking for anyways).

I will do my best to post occasionally, but much like the relative who has sworn to turn over a new leaf after his 3rd stint in rehab and 4th DUI, don't expect much.

In the mean time, the Monkey, aka the Kid, has returned from his sojourn in the South and has brought me presents of chocolate covered cherries and Memphis style barbque sauce. We be making ribs tonight! I know he was only gone 3 weeks, but I think he got taller. He now wears a larger shoe size than me and is only a few (4 max- 2 or 3 more likely) inches shorter than his dear mom. Oh noes! Soon he'll be too tall for me to noogie him in a futile attempt to create a bald spot (between my mountains of hair and his dad's shaggy, shaggy mane, the Kid could be science's best shot at curing male pattern baldness).

Contemplate that until I can return to my regularly scheduled program of harassing students and reading every damn thing that has ever been posted to the internets.

Gotta love the asshats

Every now and then some giant asshat will come along and decided to post some vicious, violent, misogynistic comment on an old post. I think that it is good to bring the asshats into the light and show the world how incredibly awful they are.

The other day- anonymous asshat decide to post 3 incoherent, ignorant, and disgusting comments on three old posts.

First, on a funny little thing about what I've learned from reading online dating profiles asshat replies

Earle,

I find that fat, ugly women are often as predatory about sex as men. Could it be that once women stop getting laid that they don't accept it any more than the men do?

Doesn't judging men on your perception of their sexual prowess encourage the very "conquest mentality" you supposedly don't want us to have?

Now ask why, in 2007, you want to learn about players, pickup artists, and NLP seduction, when this stuff has been on the net since 1996 and before? Are you a mindless sheep who needs the media to tell her what to read?

I don't know who Earle is. I don't mention men's sexual prowess anywhere in the post. I don't think he has any sort of reading comprehension because he mentions stuff from Scarred's PUA site. Do you think he realizes that there is more than one feminst blogger out there- or does he think that by commenting here for some other site that the feminist bat signal will go out and we'll all come running on our fat, hairy, man-hating legs?

Next, from a post on the icky look-up thing that gross guys do

Earle,

Another way women are treated as objects instead of people is to get hired for jobs because they look pretty.

Is it safe to say that women don't fight this because the price is right?

Do ugly and fat women count? They get hurt too.

Again- who is this Earle? Does Earl have magic, invisible powers of commenting that I cannot see? How does women getting hired for their looks have anything to do with guys blocking me from walking or whatever so they can take a mental jack-off pic? Does he hate fat and ugly women or does he want them to count too? If there was ever proof that the patriarchy hurts men too, I would say that asshat shows it. He clearly never developed critical thinking skills or the ability to communicate intelligently.

But that is nothing compared to asshat's last comment. See, I wrote a little thing on What men can do to stop rape. We women have been trying to stop rape since, oh before recorded history. Asshat thinks that men not raping women would interfere with men's job prospects. I never knew that rape could be a great networking exercise.

Yeah, men are supposed to cut off their access to other men, jobs, friends, etc. to "do the right thing."

Then, the men are supposed to watch women reject them due to their lower social and economic standing, and run to the rapists because they're life's "winners."

Do you really think any jock is going to be annoyed by anything that repels old, ugly feminists and attracts athletic, young, very attractive women?

What.The.Fuck? Women "run to the rapists because they are life's 'winners'? Seriously asshat, put down the bong, stop using Grand Theft Auto as the basis for all your social commentary, and work on developing the muscle between your ears instead of the muscles in your right hand.

If this is an example of the kind of outstanding male jock specimens that the patriarchy is offering up- how do we continue to have a birthrate at all. Even this guy's mother must regret her decision to "choose life" in this case. I know that just reading his comments made my ovaries shrivel up in fear.

(On a much more positive note, I just got home from a fab date with a liberal boy who has the most fantastic pecs and is a hell of a kisser. The pecs, OMG, I wanted to rip his shirt off right there in parking lot. And the kissing, I'm a damn fine kisser (have been told by more than a few people that I am the best;) and this boy, well, he might put me to shame in the best possible way)

A little John Prine in Belated honor of our holiday

Here are the first 2 that I found....

YouTube - Your Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven Anymore

YouTube - John Prine - Flag Decal

Here's the words, if you wanna sing along....

Your Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven Anymore

While digesting Reader's Digest
In the back of a dirty book store,
A plastic flag, with gum on the back,
Fell out on the floor.

Well, I picked it up and I ran outside
Slapped it on my window shield,
And if I could see old Betsy Ross
I'd tell her how good I feel.

Chorus:
But your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.
They're already overcrowded
From your dirty little war.

Now Jesus don't like killin'
No matter what the reason's for,
And your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.

Well, I went to the bank this morning
And the cashier he said to me,
"If you join the Christmas club
We'll give you ten of them flags for free.

"Well, I didn't mess around a bit
I took him up on what he said.
And I stuck them stickers all over my car
And one on my wife's forehead.

Repeat Chorus:
But your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.
They're already overcrowded
From your dirty little war.

Now Jesus don't like killin'
No matter what the reason's for,
And your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.

Well, I got my window shield so filled
With flags I couldn't see.
So, I ran the car upside a curb
And right into a tree.

By the time they got a doctor down
I was already dead.
And I'll never understand why the man
Standing in the Pearly Gates said...

"But your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.
We're already overcrowded
From your dirty little war.

Now Jesus don't like killin'
No matter what the reason's for,
And your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more."


© John Prine

My future baby-daddy and imaginary crush goes arty

I just got back from SAM and I am head over heels crushing on Preston Singletary and his glass work. Here's the hottie :Here's some of the hottie's work:

Happy patriotic fervor day

I feel as much enthusiasm for the 4th of July as I feel for Mother's day. If I had my wish, I would spend every Independence day in another country, but alas, my financial situation leaves me here today.

July 4th is a day where people who spend the rest of the year not doing a damn thing to improve our country whip out flags and declare their American exceptionalism for all the world to see. It's embarrassing and misleading. It's a groundswell of sentimentality and false pride. It's a day when I see the worst of American attitudes shot through the air like the firecrackers that will blast tonight.

Patriotism is not a flag decal on your car, or a barbeque with your friends. It is not a well-timed fireworks display set to pro-American music. It is not supporting a criminal who happens to be your president no matter what. It is not ignoring the lowest of our citizenry, those who have the American dream but no way to access it, or spewing hate about those who are not citizens but want to be. But that's what we celebrate as patriotism today.

Real patriotism, the kind that Jefferson, my favorite of the founding fathers, knew about means struggle. It means holding your government accountable. It means striving for those inalienable rights that all men people are endowed with, regardless of what their citizenship is.

Patriotism means supporting our troops by bringing them home. I had this discussion with a marine a few weeks ago. He gave the standard line about how his job is to fight to the death to defend my rights to freedom. I told him that since our troops job is to fight the wars we send them on without question, it is my duty to make sure that those wars are only fought for a justifiable and unavoidable reason.

We, the people of the United States, have a duty to make sure that any wars fought on our behalf are just. We have the responsibility of ensuring that the leaders who declare war, who send troops into harms way are doing it for the right reason with a solid plan. That is the pact we have with every single soldier. We know that they will risk their lives for us without question, so we need to ask the questions for them.

We like to think about the things that our country gives us, like freedom of speech or the right to bear arms. We rarely think about what our obligations as part of this country are. We may think they are limited to things like voting or paying taxes. The least of us can do those things, but we are supposed to do more than that. I don't think a fireworks display fulfills those obligations.

I love the idea of this country. I love the potential our country has for greatness. I believe with every idealistic inch of my soul that we can create a society based on fairness and equality and I am willing to do the hard work to get there. That is patriotism. What we have instead is nationalism masquerading as patriotism, blind obedience to authority, big showy displays of national feeling, and unquestioning belief that America is great without opening our eyes to the very not great reality around us.

Fun with Belief-O-Matic (Is that anything like a Veg-O-Matic?)

It slices, it dices, it juliennes! and then it tells you what religion you are.

Basically you answer a little quiz & the little calculator adds up how closely your responses match up with their list of beliefs (kinda like a spiritual computer dating service... is this how e-harmony works?)

as they put it.... The top score on the list below represents the faith that Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches your beliefs. However, even a score of 100% does not mean that your views are all shared by this faith, or vice versa

SO here's my results... ok the 1st one was kind of a no-brainer, (although I'm somewhat disappointed to find I match any category 100% - the math must be off somewhere, it MUST be!!!) some suprises - my answers match neo-paganism, baha'i & 2 kinds of buddhism more closely than catholicism(grandma jo would be disappointed) the high match with LDS i have to attribute to spending a large chunk of my formative years in Arizona... i'll probably edit this later after i read the descriptions....

1. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (100%)
2. Orthodox Quaker (83%)
3. Bahá'í Faith (82%)
4. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (82%)
5. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (79%)
6. Liberal Quakers (79%)
7. Jehovah's Witness (73%)
8. Unitarian Universalism (69%)
9. Seventh Day Adventist (63%)
10. Neo-Pagan (53%)
11. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (53%)
12. Mahayana Buddhism (52%)
13. Theravada Buddhism (52%)
14. Reform Judaism (52%)
15. Eastern Orthodox (50%)
16. Roman Catholic (50%)
17. Jainism (48%)
18. New Age (48%)
19. Islam (45%)
20. Orthodox Judaism (45%)
21. Sikhism (45%)
22. Secular Humanism (38%)
23. Taoism (38%)
24. New Thought (34%)
25. Hinduism (34%)
26. Scientology (30%)
27. Nontheist (20%)