Tuesday, May 03, 2011

The Death Of Hope

The Boxcarkid's Blog is over. If you've never read it, it is the blog of a single, graduate degree educated mom and her kids who have had to move into a tiny trailer because of unemployment and foreclosure. She is one of the nouveau poor and it's hard when you realize that the bad spots are going to longer and worse than you thought. And the good parts will be, well less good than before.

Poverty increases the likelihood of depression. Depression isn't an overly pessimistic view of the world, but a realistic view devoid of hope. The reality for the poor is pretty bleak. I spend a lot of time just pushing back necessary things to a day where hopefully things will be better. I push back dental care (see kid's recent abscess and the $660 that made me cry in public). I push back clothes buying. I haven't bought underwear for myself in at least 5 years and it's the last thing I do for the kid. Shoes, pants, shirts, underwear is the order of clothing necessity. We're taking care of shirts (thanks Aeryl!) so underwear are next for him. But the constant pushing back of things you need is a drain. Keeping a running list in my head of what's needed, what has to be paid, what's desperate and what can wait a few weeks, months, years, takes up a lot of head space that could be put to better, happier uses.

This is all just a long way of saying poverty sucks. You're in it for far longer than you expected to be. It's hard to find joy in it. And it can be a very lonely place, waiting for a happy ending. I will miss the Boxcarkid's. I hope they get their happy ending soon.

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