Not literally. But lemme tell you how motherfucking tired I am of my stupid body. I mean tired y'all. I swear to fucking god I have no desire to have one more conversation with my doctor that starts with "So there's this one weird thing...." Every fucking doctor's appointment, one weird thing. My girly bits are shaped like a nautilus and are trying to kill me through anemia. My nervous system has decided to fuck right the fuck off and BAM!Fibro! and now I can no longer feel the left side of my face. Neat.
It's not a stroke. It's not Bell's Palsy. It doesn't fucking help that if one were to google the myriad of strange symptoms I keep having you end up with the unholy trinity of lupus, fibro, MS. Nope, no help at all.
I most certainly didn't end up at a bar with my girlfriends last week freaked out that this new face problem means that eventually I will be unable to wipe my own ass (THANK YOU MS. J for promising to wipe it for me if it comes to that. I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING HARD YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW).
What I have is trigeminal neuralgia. That's in addition to the fibro bullshit. And the only reason I am not curled on the ground screaming is because 2 of the meds I take for fibro are part of the treatment for what is so nicely called "Suicide Pain", because 90 percent of the fatalities from this affliction are self-induced. Fuck this shit. Fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it. I have a migraine in my face that never goes away and am already doing what I am supposed to be doing to treat it. (And of fucking course it may be related to MS, SHUT UP DR. WIKIPEDIA, SHUT UP!).
So I have been extra fucking pleasant today. And yesterday. And I will probably be super fucking pleasant tomorrow. But I HAVE A MIGRAINE IN MY FACE! I DON'T HAVE TO BE PLEASANT. Also I can no longer tell if my coffee is too hot because my face is numb and I keep burning my mouth.
I DEMAND A CYBORG BODY!
This is now officially the Lizzie whines about her health blog. If you were coming here expecting wit, charm, pithy insights, or anything other than the giant whingefest that you have just been subjected to, then boo hoo for you.