Thursday, February 21, 2008

My little secret fantasy

With all the talk about women and cooking, I thought I would share one of my little secret desires.

After eating my country pork ribs in sticky barbque sauce, my favorite Aunt asked why I didn't go to culinary school and open a restaurant. I don't want the pressure or responsibility of owning a restaurant, and I don't want to spend years in a hot kitchen as some male chef's underling. And I don't want to be stuck in the kitchen. The thing I like best about cooking for people is their reactions to it.

So I love throwing dinner parties. Someone once described my parties as barefoot bohemian affairs with gorgeous food and much wine. That pretty much sums it up. I've had as many as 17 people in my little apartment sitting cross legged on the floor balancing plates of yumminess. I love that.

So when I heard about this Honk Kong phenomenon of "Secret Kitchens" I got all dopey eyed. Instead of running a restaurant, these people throw little dinner parties in their homes for pay. I would love to do the same thing here and I doubt that there is anyone else in the city who can do both vegan and gluten free meals that meat eaters and bread fanatics love.

Unfortunately, I don't think I can charge my friends for eating here and I have no idea how one would go about drumming up customers for a secret business (shhhhhhhhh- don't tell the health inspector).

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

How bloggers waste time

OUYANG: hey hey we're the monkeys!
ME: and people say we monkey around
but we're too busy singing
to put anybody down
ME: miss ME
OUYANG: like crazy!
ME: aweeeeee
OUYANG: i amused myself by giving advice to a father who wants to raise a feminist daughter of five
ME: I did that too
OUYANG: i see that...dear FSM it takes ME so long to write a comment that five people lap me in the mean time
ME: if you just let the typos fly you can write much faster
OUYANG: hahaha...i should try that sometime...
OUYANG: oh noes! MElissa at shakesville is claiming to be the "queen cunt"...i thought you owned that title!!!!11!
ME: Nah- she's the queen cunt of fuck mountain, I'm queen of the universe
different princpalities
OUYANG: oh ok...just checking
ME: actually- different queendoms
OUYANG: [wink]
Sent at 3:19 PM on Wednesday
OUYANG: damn...i am behind on my shakes...i have no idea what is bringing the wrath
ME: the same thing that has been pissing me off- liberal white dudes and their sexism
It's nice to know i am not the only one driven to near nuclear explosions
OUYANG: i am trying to find some threads
i have been told that i lose my point when i get emotionally invested in the i have backed the fuck off lately
ME: the periodically speaking threads- one by liss and one by jeff fecke where he apologizes for not picking up on the sexism sooner
Guys never get told they are losing the point when they get emotional
OUYANG: i just saw that
i know...gah it pisses ME off...
i should have saved my AIM chat from last night for royal amusement
ME: ohhhhhhhh yes
and since sexist arguments are almost always the same- it's easy to develop a few biting retorts that work universally when you analyze on fight
OUYANG: yup yup yup
ME: Like "but I clean and cook and care for kids!" Big Fucking deal. You take care of your house and children like you are supposed to
No one gets a pat on the head for doing that. It's like "I wiped my own ass today"
OUYANG: i know!
BTW i love kate harding
ME: I am really pissed off that an essay about WOMEN gets turned into all about how boys are mistreated
And I love kate harding too
OUYANG: three times in three days i was referred to as "domestic" b/c of my cooking...of course i enjoy it, it's in my biology!!!
ME: can't win for losing
either all we are good for is house keeping domesticity or we are wanton sluts who can't take care of ourselves
OUYANG: i know that there are facets of feminism...and i know that bigotry and stereotypes transcend all class, gender blah blah's the extremes we are dealing w/ here...
ME: yep
OUYANG: Men are not declared gay on the spot (as if that is an insult) for enjoying cooking...if they were, all the chefs on fucking TV would be gay
ME: I know- and CHEFS are always Men, cooks are women
even with my friends who are professional level chefs, if they have a vagina they are COOKS
OUYANG: i know i is frustrating as hell to try to explain that to anyone b/c they start crying "you're being a reverse sexist" or soME horse shit like that
ME: OMG_ I know. Or "Angry much?" Yes i am angry, deservedly so
it is so hard when people we see as "good guys" lash out like that
ME: it's the hardest
when it's people you like
but that is the nature of sexism, it's freaking everywhere
you can't escape it by surrounding yourself with good people
OUYANG: fav was when my friend dragged out the "what do you say to the women who don't think like you"
and "you have cognitive bias...two women could hear that comment and only you take offense b/c you are looking for sexism
ME: What women? I've Met exactly one and she was a raving nut case Ayn rand fan
OUYANG: well i told him i thought they were self-defeating...
maybe not right...but that's MHO
ME: I would have told him that maybe they wouldn't talk about it in front of him cause they know he's a sexist, but to other women they would
OUYANG: ugh...hindsight
but i do know women like that...but here's a surprise...they are all SAHMs or republicans
usually both
ME: Yes, but like i said, sexists are predictable. That argument will come up again and now you have new ammo
OUYANG: true true
ME: And those women who are SAHMs, ask them once their kids are all school aged and they are bored to freaking tears cleaning toilets everyday
OUYANG: oh, one of them asked ME who took care of my kids while i was working...
implying that only SAHMs provide that service...
ME: I know- i spend as much time with the Kid as SAHM's do, but I bet i know my kid better
OUYANG: probably...b/c i get limited time i make use of about school, etc
ME: yep
and cause you aren't tied to a house all day, you prolly like yourself better and are happier as a mom
OUYANG: oh fact i have been going a little stir crazy in my job search
i fucking hate hawaii...obama got 76%!!!
but things rain sexism here...i am not surprised...and the white hatred is huge
ME: Its becoming inevitable
I am so happy i live in a blue state and don't HAVE to vote for him in Nov
I don't know if we have write in spaces for president
If we do- I'm putting in Hil
If not- I'm voting socialist
Sent at 3:50 PM on Wednesday
OUYANG: hahaha
nice one
OUYANG: hey! ron i am a racist sexist ass paul is out?!?!
ME: what
OUYANG: did he give up yet???
ME: about time
OUYANG: i haven't confirmed yet...
jeff fecke says that paul took his $73 million and went home
ME: I can't find the news
I want to take 73 million home
OUYANG: damn...i don't think it's true yet
ME too!
shit i would split it w/you!
ME: If I turn myself into a racist, sexist, libertarina candidate
can I get 73 million
and btw- libertarina is my newly coined word
OUYANG: i think so...i think it's in the job description
ME: damn

One of the few benefits to being a girl

Kid: Mom, what does emasculate mean?

Me: It means to say or do something to a man that makes him less masculine.

Kid: So can you defeminate someone?

Me: No. No matter what happens, I will always be a woman. But for men there is this silly idea that you can take their manhood away through insults. There is also a word effeminate, that is used to describe a boy who isn't masculine enough. Kinda sucks for you and it's really stupid that the worst insult you can say to a boy is that he's a girl.

Kid: That's dumb.

Me: Yep. But you know, we don't think there is really any difference between masculine and feminine. Girls can be strong and boys can be sweet. They are both just made up descriptions.

(Why is it that it is so easy for a 12 year old to understand these things, but 30 year old men still think I am going to sympathize because someone called them girly? Seriously, being compared to half the population of the world is not so bad. It's not like someone called you a Bush lover)

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Dear Everyone:

Sex and the City was a TV show, not an anthropological blue print to the minds of all ladies between 18 and 40. Please stop using Carry Bradshaw references to make your point about wacky single girls. We are not a monolith and we are not all able to be put into Carry, Miranda, Charlotte or Samantha categories.

Unlike the make believe Carry, I cook, fabulously well actually. I know how to make a bechamel sauce from a rue. I know how to do things with fleshy animals that would make your mouth water and your tummy growl. And every girl I know cooks something. But I get tired of cooking every single night. Sure, there may be some girls who don't know how to cook, but most of us single types learn how to cook because we have to. Very few of us have the kind of budgets that make restaurants and take out a nightly affair (especially with the 70 cents on the dollar wage gap).

And Micheal Pollan- STFU already. Has anyone ever noticed that when it comes to improving the quality of life by eschewing modern consumerism that the onus for those corrections is put on women.

Let's see

Environmental fixes: woman are the ones sorting the trash from the recycling, using craptastic non-toxic cleaners that increase the time they spend doing laundry or scrubbing toilets, hunting down recycled unbleached toilet paper and washing cloth napkins to save a tree, looking for organic cotton t shirts and socks that will very quickly be ruined and/or lost by most children.

And food. When it was slow food, who do you think it is spending all those extra hours in the kitchen making slow cooked soups and sauces instead of opening up a can. It is women who spend the time and effort hunting down locally grown, organic, nitrate free all natural goodness while trying to stay within the family budget (they don't call it whole paycheck foods for nothing). It is women who are required to stay up on the latest whole grain, low fat, high protein, no carbs, good carbs, too much sodium, god fats, transfats, not enough vitamin whatever and don't forget to get enough folic acid cause you might be pre-pregnant bullshit.

And don't even get me started on those stupid Barbara Bush commercials about families eating dinner together. Seriously, if you want families to eat dinner together then make it so Mom and Dad don't each need 2 jobs to pay the mortgage. But the guilt trip about how children suffer when nobody sits down to dinner with them is directed straight to moms.

That is all

I'm not the only one!

I was describing to someone this morning why it is exactly that Obama fans piss me off. "They are like those frat boys who listen to Dave Matthews. They think they are being all sensitive and progressive but they are really just over privileged white boys"

But someone at Jezebel gets it! Yay. (Third bullet down)

Monday, February 18, 2008

Dropping "F-Bombs"


And I want to go first by saying "Fuck Yeah!", after reading this article in the Washington Post where Juno and X-Men actress Ellen Page gave an interiview, and wasn't afraid to use her own F-Bomb:

I call myself a feminist when people ask me if I am, and of course I am 'cause it's about equality, so I hope everyone is. You know you're working in a patriarchal society when the word feminist has a weird connotation. "Hippie" has a weird connotation. "Liberal" has a weird connotation.

(emphasis mine)

(I am not going to mention the idiot interviewer asking dumb questions like "Don't all Canadians know each other?".  Moron.)

But I just had to say "Yay!" to Ellen Page, and let everyone know that I have added her to my Girl Crush List.

Also, read that article...because I have to drop another F-Bomb:  Fuck you, anti-choicers!  Juno isn't a "pro-life" movie like you morons would have everyone believe!  Ha!

(I promise I am finished now)
We now return you to your regularly scheduled web-surfing.