Thursday, July 14, 2011

The Creepiness Factor

So I've been reading a bit more about the Dawkins shit while thinking about why Dude A (marriage proposal guy) and Dude B (serenade guy) didn't register a creepy factor, but Skepchick's elevator dude did.

Dude A, as I am walking past him, smiles and says "You wanna get married? You looking for a husband?". I giggled and said "No" and continued on my way. He didn't block my path (it's happened). He didn't look me up and down(happened more times than I can count). He didn't get mad when I turned him down (again, more times than I can count). He didn't chase after me screaming "fucking bitch" (no, really, that happened). He didn't keep bothering me to get me to change my mind (ladies, we all know those guys). He just smiled and walked off in the opposite direction from me.

With Dude B, I actually started the conversation. He was asking the guy on the bench next to me for a light and I said "I've got one" (sue me, I've had a minor, ok not so minor, setback in the quitting smoking war. I go back to ~mostly~ not smoking tomorrow. Thank the Boyfriend for buying me nicotine gum). I gave him my lighter, and then he started to sing to me. We chatted for a few minutes. He introduced himself. But other than the lighter he never asked me for any information that would make me uncomfortable. And I take it from his excellent singing voice that it is something he does often, not just to women who loan him a lighter.

Both of these guys respected my autonomy. The first took a no for an answer and didn't look at me like I was a piece of meat in a super market. The second waited till I talked to him.

The guy in the elevator explicitly IGNORED Skepchick's autonomy several times. He pretended like "oh, she didn't mean me" when she was talking about misogyny and sexism in the atheist community and how uncomfortable it makes her when guys sexualize her when she's just trying to talk about skepticism. He ignored her when she left the bar saying "I'm tired and I'm going to bed". That's twice. How many chances should he be given? Cause personally, you get exactly one chance with me. You ignore my autonomy once and there is NO earning my trust back. Once.

That's the difference between creepy and non-creepy. Is the dude putting you in a position where you can't walk away? Is he ignoring what you say and pushing what he wants? Is he demanding something from you, like that you smile when you're just trying to walk to the bus stop or that you give him attention when you don't have/don't want to? Then he's a creep. Full stop.

ETA- Cute story. Boyfriend, after our first lunch date, didn't want to put me on the spot by asking for a second date in person, right there. So he texted me after I left to ask. That was super fucking classy. He gets mad props for it.

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