Friday, July 29, 2011

It's for MY HEALTH!

So yesterday was attempt #2 at girding my loins for the current War on Women (aka getting an IUD while I still have medicaid -those things cost between 750 and 1000 bucks- and before this country takes the skids right into Handmaid's Tale territory).

Unfortunately, even a dose of misoprostyl (one of the handy forms of medical abortion) to "open things up down there" didn't work. My innards are shaped like a snail. I knew something was up when the doc asked "how long ago did you give birth?" My response "the Kid's 16 and he was a c-section. I never dilated" did not encourage her. Thankfully, she's not a macho cowboy. She poked around for a few minutes and declared that it was time for a specialist.

Bonus, they gave me the actual IUD to take home with me since they can't give it to another patient. It comes in what looks like and extra long cigarette carton.

We then talked about meds and pain and stuff. She made me dial my Vitamin D way the fuck down. I even told her that if it's a choice between daily pain or killing my liver- the liver should DIE! She didn't find that as funny as I thought she would. I took a quarter of what I normally take last night, and today I can feel the owies setting in. Grrr.

She also prescribed potassium and magnesium. And the regular drinking of tonic water. "So I can tell people when I have my nightly cocktail that it's FOR MY HEALTH!" She said that it didn't have to have the alcohol, just plain tonic works fine. I gave her a look that is halfway between a Whatchoo talkin about Willis? and a Dorothy Parker, she relented "okay okay, have your vodka tonics."

(So of course I came home and had rum and cokes instead, because I am broke and the Boyfriend left a professional alcoholic sized jug of rum here. Someone tell me rum has therapeutic value!!!)

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