Saturday, May 27, 2006

It's Not Corporate Fraud- It's a Test From God!

So you thought the Enron scandal was maybe about corporate thievery or the need for regulation of the energy industry, what with the Bush Administration having appointed Enron foxes to guard the financial henhouses.
According to Ken Lay, it's about his relationship with God.
After his conviction, Lay maintained his innocence and quoted the apostle Paul's comfort to the persecuted (back in the days when persecution meant a slow, painful death, mind you) : "All things work to the good for those who love God."
See, California consumers might have been ripped off to the tune of $9 billion, and Enron investors and employees may have lost tens of billions, some losing their life savings. But the real story is that it's been a test of the faith of Ken Lay, who sees himself as Job....

So one day in 2000 Satan gets engrossed in his iPod and winds up walking into the throne room in heaven.
"Hey God," he says, scratching a horn and turning down the Bright Eyes song, "Everything is greaat. Notice how I have had all the people in the globe under my thumb since the '60s."
"Not my humble servant Kenny Boy Lay," God says. "For that, I have blessed him with unimaginable riches."
"Yeah, but take the money away and he will curse you," says the red one.
"No way."
"Way. Wanna bet?"
So God sent stock analysts and accountants to create illegal offshore accounts that were discovered by the government, who set upon Enron and destroyed it.
But Ken Lay refused to curse God, even after surrendering many of his personal mansions.
A few years later, God sees Satan. "I told you, Ken Lay remains faithful."
Says Satan: "He hasn't had it tough enough. Throw him in prison and without his mansions and servants he will curse you."
Thus was Lay convicted of a crime he did not commit. And still he praised God, ...

Hopefully Lay will serve a long term, giving him time to ponder another Biblical precept, the one about how hard it is for a rich man to enter the Kingdom.

1 comment:

The Red Queen said...

That was awesome. Thank you for the satire and for exposing the the problem of thinking that because you belive in God- everything you do is automatically God's will.

It's my biggest problem with religion in general- the idea that because you are on the right side, everything you do must then be right by default and anyone questioning your actions must be acting against you and God.