Monday, September 28, 2009

I have never met the scary rapist in the bushes

but I've been raped.

I also know lots of women who have been raped, none of them have met the scary rapist in the bushes either.

The men who hurt women and girls are rarely the kind of men we expect to hurt women and girls. They aren't ugly monsters who live under bridges. They are brilliant film makers or much loved musicians. They are men you would be proud to know. They are men that you call "friend" or "father" or "husband" or "brother" or "son". They are "nice guys" or "genius" or "determined" or "ambitious" or "talented" or any number of other adjectives we use to describe men we like. They are pastors and teachers and doctors and judges. They are men with power over someone.

It is long past time when we let go of the idea that only certain types of men are rapists, the scary dark alley kind. My rapists wasn't a scary dark alley type, he was a much loved musician type.

Until we start seeing a thing for what it is, we cannot figure out how to stop it. Rape is an act committed by someone with power over someone else. That's it. It doesn't require the rapist to be creepy looking or boogeymannish.

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