Belated Thanks

I am hungover and didn't got to bed until 6amish. I threw out my back lifting the giant turkey in and out of the oven. It was an awesome night.

So things I am thankful for:

1) I have the awesomest kid on the planet.

2) I have really cool friends

3) 20-something year old boys. It was 2 young guys who stayed to clean up and watch Shaolin Soccer (and one of them who gave me -uhm 3 or 4 helpings of "dessert". Actual line spoken last night "How about the guest bathroom, every time I brace myself on the counter I land in turkey juice")

4) Chess pie. It's like sugar in a creamy sugar filling with a sugar crust.

5) My friend Dave's vegan zucchini bread. OH MY GOD! I have never had anything so delicious and it was vegan and gluten free. I have no idea how he did it.

6) Deviled eggs. I made 18 eggs, they were gone in under 10 minutes.

7) Spanish wine. we had a lovely Spanish rose, but it was the Cava that people were throwing down for to get a glass.

8) Singing with friends and family. I got a Woockie seranade of "You are so beautiful to me", the Kid and I sang several rounds of " The sun is a mass of incandescent gas" and the Naughty Proff dedicated "Fat bottomed girls" to Ms. J and I (Though Ms. J has the superior ghetto bootay)

9) Advil, advil, advil

10) Boys who will do a finger puppet reenactment of the Medici's fight against Savonarola with me while arguing about how to pronounce Medici. I say it's med-I-chi, he says it's MED-i- chi

We now interupt our regularly scheduled program

The turkey is bathing in a liter of wine and butter
the green beans are blanched
the cranberries are sauced
the portabellos are marinating
the salad dressing is made, though the salad is not

I still have to make the stuffing, eggs, potatoes, yams. Finish the beans, mushrooms and salad. I also have to do laundry, beat the Kid into vacuuming, and misc other cleaning stuff.

And because a former stable boy (hot, brilliant and 10 years younger than me) has just come back into town and is coming tonight I need to bathe, shave my legs, change my sheets and clean my room and my bathroom. The turkey may not be the only thing getting stuffed tonight. Meow.

Who would play you?

Shakesville had a post up the other day about "who would play you in the Shakesville movie?"

My ex, Mephistopheles, said I was Karen Walker minus the rich husband. Let's see:

Funny Voice- check
Fabulous rack- check
Love of Vodka: check
Desire to serve a party mix of uppers, downers and candy corn at social events: check
Cruel wit: check
Prone to grabbing people in inappropriate places (both location and body parts): check
Likely to say something that will make you guffaw in social situations: Check

So I guess Megan Mullally (only 10 years younger and with longer hair) would play me.

Who would play you in a movie?

Spreading the joy

My house smells like roasted garlic and cherry pie.

Jealous?

Favorite pet story ever

I was telling my dear friend, Rosa Limon Sobrosa, about my little furry creature named Ruby dream and how Ruby was a rabbit but not a rabbit.

Turns out that Rosa had a rabbit named Ruby once long ago. Ruby was very sweet to Rosa, but not so much to Rosa's boyfriend. Did you know that bunnies can scream? Apparently they can and they are just as territorial as cats. If they don't like you, they will pee on your stuff. Also, bunnies can sometimes suffer from false pregnancies during which they will tear their own hair out to make a little bunny nest for their non-existent babies. Rudy did this once and Rosa came home to find that under the covers of her bed as a gory scene of ribbed out bunny hair. She thought her dog had made Ruby into lunch.

So Rosa loved her bunny and her boy. The bunny loved her Rosa but not the boy. The bunny peed on the boy's clothes whenever she got the chance. The boy, being a human and all, regularly had to poop. Whenever he pooped at Rosa's house, Ruby the bunny would follow him into the bathroom and then start to bunny scream at him while he was trying to take a crap. Ruby would yell and stomp her hind bunny legs while the poor boy was trying to drop the kids off at the pool. And when he was good and vulnerable, with briefs around his ankles and in mid-poop, Ruby would attack the boy. He often came away with Ruby inflicted scratches. Ruby's reign of torment finally ceased when the boy screamed for Rosa while on the can so he could prove just how much the bunny had it in for him. Rosa loved them both, but in the end only the boy was giving Rosa hot sex, so the bunny had to go.

But what about the baybeezzz

I have some lovely, well meaning, liberal, environmentalist friends who every now and then start bitching about population control. Whenever I hear population control I hear a dog whistle for "Why do poor brown women keep popping out babies they can't afford" because if these well meaning liberals were really serious about population control they would get vasectomies at puberty.

The thing is, I understand carrying capacity and what happens when a society exceeds carrying capacity (either there is war which decreases the number of people in a system, a new technology has to be invented to change the carrying capacity, or the civilization collapses). I get that we are looking at a future where oil has or is about to peak and global warming is going to have serious effects on food production and water resources (just look at the current drought in the south east ). But what does not work to keep populations from booming is hand wringing by imperialist countries over exploding populations in India and China. Shaming women for doing one of the few things that they are ever given any credit for in misogynist societies doesn't work. Limiting assistance funds so that more people will starve or die of disease doesn't work. Hell, even China's one child per family program hasn't worked at keeping fewer children from being born. It just lead to girl babies being abandoned in favor of boy babies.

What works (and works VERY quickly- within one generation usually) is to give women access to education and economic opportunities. Women who have opportunities to do something other than being a mother will choose those options and women who choose to have children and an education will have fewer children. Period. No hand wringing. No guilt. Just education and economic opportunities. It's very simple.

And while you're thinking about all those "women having babies they can't afford" maybe you should take a look at these numbers. The situation may not be as dire as the hand wringers suggest.

Don't read this if you're eating

Or about to eat, or have ever considered eating, or you've eaten at all since you were born. Also you may not want to read this at work as the loud and hysterical laughter coming from your cube will let your boss in on the secret that you really don't do anything productive at work.

So if you are an anorexic, unemployed layabout- go read this right now

hat tip to Brave Sir Robin