So my little blogfriends, in the interest of radical vulnerability, I got news.
After many many years of doing this whole single mom on her own thing- I'm tired. No, I have not found some dude to cozy up to. But I miss having a family, having other grown people to share burdens and triumphs with. After Ruth went to go stuff her brain with math in grad school, I really didn't feel like I have that here anymore. And shit is too bad and too constant for me to get through this on my own.
I could stay in a lovely progressive city with a job that I love but that after 6 long years still doesn't pay me enough to pay for both rent and food in the same month, or give me benefits, feeling stuck in a bottomless pit of crisis after crisis after crisis of poverty, and left to deal with the mechanics of crisis solving on my own when the world has worn me down so much that my phone ringing causes an anxiety attack.
Or I can go to a state I am not too fond of, a swing state with decidedly conservadouche leanings, where I can't see myself living forever, in a tiny rural town away from what us city folks like to call "civilization", but be surrounded by people I love and that love me too. And the Kid. We will still be broke as fuck, and now I will be without a job. But when the phone rings I won't have to figure out the latest disaster alone. That means the world right now.
I am not sure how internet/ computers will work there. As you all know, my frankenputer is on it's last legs and I am ripping out the hard drive and sending it off to the computer graveyard. I will be begging for time on someone else's compy or maybe finding a library.
So we are on a plane. All our stuff has been packed up and stored.
I'll write and let you all know how it's going as soon as I can. And for those of you godless whores who have done so much to keep us afloat this summer, you have my undying gratitude. You peeps were the only thing that kept me going.