Better Man

In the comments to the last post, Wonder and I were talking about a phenomena we frequently run into in relationships.

"You make me want to be a better man"

"You're my moral compass"

If we had a dollar for every guy that said that kind of stuff, we'd be much better off than we are. I don't know how widespread this idea is that woman are supposed to be the ethics moderators for men, I only know how common it is in my relationships. And it SUCKS!

Granted, this is a kind of power can be sort of an aphrodisiac, at first. It seems like it's the power to teach someone something hugely important to the human existence (whether or not you believe in god). But the truth usually shows itself soon enough. You are not teaching them to be better people, you are the excuse they use to continue to be selfish and small minded. They don't have to do the hard thinking or feel guilt over being an asswipe because you are there to do it for them. It's the relationship version of catholic confession, a way to rid yourself of sin without doing the hard work of actual atonement.

And I wonder if this isn't the natural progression of making women the gatekeepers of sex, something that comes up way to frequently when talking about morals. Personally, I think any kind of sex between consenting adults is fine and not any sort of moral failing, but when you make morals so much about sexuality, and you make women the gatekeepers of sex, then it's not a giant leap to think that women are the gate keepers of morality too. (Add the not small belief that women are responsible for original sin and we get the extra burden of making up for that for all eternity by being the sacrificing and compassionate sex).

Wonder says she wants a guy who is a better feminist than she is. (Good luck with that). I would be happy with a guy has his own strong ethical beliefs and internal moral compass. I am already teaching one male (the Kid) how to be moral, I don't want to do it for a grown up.