I have found myself thinking and doing things that would have been completely out of character for me 6 months ago. For example, I am actually considering marriage (to someone who is not Cary Grant, but is about as charming). Until recently I didn't think I was the marrying kind, but maybe I grew up a little. It's a bit strange (in a very good way) to be considering a relationship where marriage is the ultimate goal.
What's even weirder is that I am considering the life of a stay at home suburban housewife. This is a much further stretch. I'm urban and except for 2 years after my son was born I've worked since I was 14. I'm hopeful that there is negotiating room on this one, like say a cool urban townhome instead of a sprawling suburban ranch and I stay in school. So basically, my life now only in a place with a sunnier climate and having to share decorating decisions with another grown-up.
There is a political side to this. Am I good little progressive feminist even if I enter into a very traditional style relationship? I know that if I stayed home all day I would be driven to chewing my hair and muttering strange things in corners, but I also don't particularly care about making money. And then there is the issue of privilege. There is privilege in being able to marry while so many gays and lesbians are not. There is also privilege in having the choice to stay home and live in a family where one income is enough. Am I a complete sell-out for taking advantage of those privileges? Would it make me lose some credibility? I have always been independent and very capable of handling things on my own. If I had someone making things easier would I lose some of that toughness?
Oh yeah- and come this Sunday night I am quitting smoking. Totally out of character, but recently cigarettes have started to taste bad (you non-smokers won't understand how they ever tasted good, but trust me). I have smoked more than half my life, I think it's time to be done now. I just hope that I don't kill anyone during nicotine withdrawal and that my friend Ruth was lying when she said that the foggy-headed stupidness you get when you quit doesn't go away. I think quitting smoking may temporarily turn me into red-state personality, you know, stupid and mean. Wish me luck.
7 comments:
Just cause you don't have to support yourself doesn't mean you have to bake pies and sew all day. Stay home and write a book. Get involved in a non-profit, local politics, or just be an academic. If you're privileged, you're privileged. Just use the opportunity to dream bigger.
I, for one, need a nine-to-five to keep from going off the rails. Managing unlimited free time takes a level discipline that I just don't have at this point in my life. I barely survived college.
A stay at home mom with your education and convictions has an opportunity to do gret things.
Some rules:
No sleeping in on weekdays, no pills, and no cocktails before 6pm. And hands off the pool boy!
Or, fuck it, just have babies and donate to the Red Cross when you cen. This is America goddammit!
Did you see Daily Show story about the guy who spent four million dollars on a custom Ferrari? Downright vulgar.
The pool boy is part of the arrangement ;) and I only have cocktails during the day at socially appropriate brunches.
I've already thought that I could spend a great deal of privilege time volunteering for planned parenthood. That's much less vulgar than spitting out designer dressed babies.
Once you get over the withdrawal from cigarettes you'll feel great. You won't belive how much energy you have, how much better food and other things you put in your mouth taste. One thing: the cigarette smoking dreams never go away.
I am purposely avoiding the other topic.
I don't know if I am grateful for the avoidance or not- you know more about the situation than anyone else. You can lecture me on it tomorrow night after I've had a couple o' vodka tonics.
Maybe you'll just miss me if I run away to San Francisco.
i am stunned, that's all. Stilly, marriage, same sentence. My mind is too small to marry (hehe) the concepts. Stilly. Vodka. Soothing effect. Stilly. Beautiful bigol' butt. Comprehended. Mrs. Stilly. (Silence of stupidity). It is like the though of my very prudish mom having sex. She had to have because there is me and my sister, but my mind can't go there.
Whatever you do, I am very happy for you, you know that. From what I know of the charts, it is a great choice. Come to think of it, I have only heard of your bfs, but have never seen you next to one of them. Will he be there Sat night?
Ah, let's just say there are some aspects to this that will sound totaly Stilly like (see above mentioned pool boy comment).
I'm sure you've met a boyfriend or 2. I know you met the Russian, and I can't remember if you were there for this year's b-day but Stanford the pony boy was there. Then there was Sam who was at a couple of my dinner parties way back when.
Current boy is in Sand Diego for the weekend and normally lives in San Francisco so it's been alot of phone calls. He'll be here the weekend of the 28th (if the royal compound is a rocking don't come a knocking).
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