Since we have just got internet access today the Kid is chomping at the bit for me to hurry up and give him some internet time. Having just spent several days watching newsbunnies scream on tv, this is what I said to him
Me: Dude, some conservative douche said that porn makes you gay, all porn, especially teenage boys. And since we all know that the internet is for porn, I can't let you on it or you'll be gay.
Kid: You wouldn't care if I was gay.
Me: No I really wouldn't. But conservatives think that having a gay son is the worst thing ever. So no internet for you.
Thank you conservatives, for giving me a reason to hog the precious precious internet access.