"they’re viewed as soft and less intelligent"

It's nearly Mother's Day, a holiday that I hate with the fiery fury of a blazing sun.

First- a rant about women who buy into the whole mommy fetish bullshit.

Our house is across the street from a very popular local park. On sunny days, there is no street parking. Lucky for us, we have a driveway that will fit 2 cars in tandem. It means there is a lot of parking hokey pokey when the roommate parked at the back needs to get out, but we deal and the street is left to the park goers.

Friday, Ruth had to go to work (and just to make this story a little more tragic- her job is scribing for disabled people on college math tests) and found that our driveway had been completely blocked in by a fucking Prius. (Now I'm as green as any poor person can be, which is greener than even your biggest eco-snob, but Seattle Prius drivers are a bunch of sanctimonious turds). She called to have the car towed and got to work late on the bus.

Several hours later (at least 3) and a pregnant blonde rings the doorbell.

Pregnant Blonde: Was there a problem with my Prius?

Me: Yeah. You blocked our driveway and my roommate was late to work.

PB: (giggling) Sorry, must be pregnant brain.

Me: I've got a 14 year old, I've been pregnant. It never made me thoughtless and stupid.

And then- just because I am a bitch but not really cruel I asked if she'd called someone for a ride and shut the door on her when she said yes.

I get bitchy with women mothers who buy into the mommy fetish bullshit. Women who act like the miracle of pregnancy (not really a miracle with current population levels) makes them special little snowflakes of purity and bliss and unaccountability to anything but their stomach. I want to punch in the face of women who act like the one true calling of everywoman is to be a SAHM. I get bitchy when people call me "Kid's Mom" or refuse to acknowledge my last name (different from the Kid's). I get bitchy with people who want to put me on a pedestal of martyrdom because at one point I chose to give birth. If I were a little less white looking or had a slightly more urban (or rural) speech patterns, those same people would be tisk tisking over my being a mother.

So for mother's day- skip the cards and the flowers and the brunch (though I'll take the mimosas, thankyouverymuch). Those crappy items don't make up for the real harm we do in treating mothers like precious little flowers one day of the year and unpaid idiot servants for the rest of it. Here's my wish list for a REAL Mother's day.

1. An end to the mommy wage gap.

2. Universal preschool and college

3. Paid parental leave and sickdays for everyone.

4. Child support enforcement that DOESN"T leave 70% of cases in arrears

5. Universal healthcare that includes birth control and abortion services

6. For mothers to succeed in their careers the same way fathers have been able to.

The title for this post came from this post about the women currently being looked at for the Supreme Court. All are childless and single. Some of my favorite heroines of history (Tina Modotti and Dororthy Parker and Jane Austen) couldn't or didn't have children. And that may be a huge reason why they were able to have careers when others didn't. Wouldn't it be nice if we had the same kind of options for parenting and working that men do? Wouldn't it be nice if we could do both and be properly compensated for it?

But first WE have to stop buying into our own bullshit. No using pregnancy as an excuse for stupidity. No accepting faux glorification instead of cold hard cash for staying home with the kids. We have been too good at making the best of a bad situation for way too long. Time to make the situation good for all mothers (and fathers too).